I've come to this board, like so many others, because I am questioning my sexuality. The issue is that my romantic and sexual attractions have been varied over my 26 year life and I was hoping for some guidance, although I know it is up to me to figure out. Here is some of my history. 1. Between 1st and 8th grade, I remember having crushes on guys, however, I also had 3 very intense and long term crushes on girls. I know it's dumb to say I was in love at such a young age, but I feel like was. And these feelings lasted across multiple years for each girl. I was too young to fantasize sexually so it's tough to assess if I would have had those feelings, but emotionally it was all there. 2. In high school, I started going through puberty and my sexual attraction to guys increased. I started watching gay porn. I clearly remember two instances where sparks flew: one was when I was 17, I was crushing on a girl. Then senior year of high school, I developed feelings for my best friend, a male, both sexually and emotionally for a year. 3. College I had crushes on girls and guys, but watched gay porn exclusively. 4. Post college, I've developed feelings for both men and women, but continue to look at gay porn. At this point though, it was become an addiction and I'm not sure it's even reflective of reality. I think I've become desensitized. I've also gotten into camming with men, primarily. While I'm attracted to their bodies, the biggest turn on for me is that they're watching me and see them aroused by me. I've then started doing it with girls and feel the same way. 5. I've had sexual encounters with 2 men and 2 women. To be honest, I was more aroused with the women and have really taken a strong liking to performing oral on girls. The two guys were busts. I couldn't get an erection, my heart wasn't racing and I was more into the fact that they were into me than I was in them. This is narcissistic, I know. We even engaged in genital to genital contact and I wasn't really aroused. 6. I have some relationship and sexual OCD tendencies. When I'm with a man, I have doubts about myself because I "fear" I might be straight. When I'm with a woman, I have doubts because I might be gay, despite being aroused. 7. I'm getting help with the OCD and addiction, but other than very confused, does anyone have any opinions on what I might be? Someone who watches gay porn, gets aroused by performing oral on women, and has had crushes and feelings for men and women.
Bisexual ~ capable of romantically and physically fall in love w/ both genders Queer~ questioning overall sexuality Trust me the list is extremely long and you don't HAVE to have a label, that is all up to you.
You're doing exactly what I'm doing; you're trying to combine fantasy and reality. A big no no for people like you and me who are confused. If you can recall having crushes on both guys and girls, then it is possible that you are bisexual. But you won't be able to determine that unless you stop looking at both sexes in a sexual manner. If you were blind folded and someone were to give you a blowjob, it wouldn't matter if it was a guy or girl. You would still get a boner. This is why it makes sense that gay men are still able to have sex with a women because it's their body's response to the stimulation. However, the emotional/romantic connection is completely out of the picture, which in any relationship, is critical. If people come together simply because sexual attraction, then relationships like those are bound to fail. So cut the porn. I know where you're coming from. You need to get off that computer as soon as you have a though. Take a couple deep breaths. You need to stop. Do it for yourself, and for your future partner. In the end it doesn't matter which label you put on yourself. Porn ruins relationships.
