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Queerplatonic vs. Queerromantic

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by omnisexual, Jan 9, 2015.

  1. omnisexual

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Gender:
    Female
    So I didn't know whether or not I actually had a crush on my best friend or if it was just a squish (platonic crush). I did know right from the start that either way, I didn't want a romantic relationship with her. I just really really want her as my queerplatonic partner. The thing is, 10 years ago, I shared the same feelings (sort of) for a childhood friend. So today, I finally made a list comparing and contrasting my feelings for both. It helped me come to a conclusion about how I really felt about them.

    With both, I am/was:
    o Completely devoted
    o Talk(ed) about them a lot to others
    o Think/thought about them a lot
    o Basically obsessed with both
    o Think that the friendship aspect of us is/was THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, above anything sexual or romantic we might have shared.
    o In terms of sexual/romantic passion/commitment, neither is/was above (or even close) to how I felt for my past lovers.
    o I would be very, very happy for them if they found boyfriends (so no jealousy/romantic possessiveness).
    o I want(ed) to live together forever with both.
    o My feelings are/was very platonically passionate and didn't feel like a crush-type passionate.
    o Both are VERY important to me.
    o Both are/was among top priorities in my life.

    Now for the differences:

    Childhood friend:
    o Sexually: We had lots of casual sex, but we never felt a sexual attraction. It was basically like we were using each other as giant sex toys-- no sexual/romantic attraction to the toy but still enjoying the bodily sensations.

    o Romantically: I'm a very non-touchy person, so I never craved physical/intimate touch with her outside of sex (even sex didn't seem intimate). I never lay in bed at night wishing we could cuddle, or just got the sudden urge to hug her, etc.

    o Nothing with her ever felt/seemed romantic at all.

    Best friend:
    o Sexually: I think I do feel a sort of sexual attraction that I just successfully repress (I feel guilty having sexual thoughts about people with whom I know wouldn't appreciate it.)

    o Romantically: I always want to snuggle and get very physically close/intimate with her & I think about it a lot.

    o Some things we do does feel a little/a lot romantic to me.

    Results:
    I realized that how I felt for my childhood best friend was queerplatonic & purely a squish. With my best friend, I want a romantic friendship & also a queerplatonic relationship.

    I feel like there should be a word called queerromantic. Because queerplatonic generally describes a purely platonic relationship that is "queer" or out of the ordinary of what society would deem appropriate for platonic relationships, but how I feel about my best friend is the opposite of that, yet still basically the same. It's romantic, but it's a type of romantic that society isn't used to when it comes to romantic relationships, because it's a committed life partnership that is mostly friendship, but romantic... but not romantic at the same time. :eusa_doh: I've been told that if there are romantic feelings involved in a QP relationship, it wouldn't be a QP because that would defeat the purpose of the "platonic" part of a QP. But how I feel about my best friend is literally what people think of when they think about a QP, just tinged with romance at the edges. Having my feelings be called queerromantic would really fit quite well with how I feel about her. I wonder how many others have experienced this?