I'm in a committed relationship and my partner and I haven't been having as much sex as usual. I've been wanting to anon post sexy pics of my body online to get the sexy validation but for nothing more. However, I don't want to cause a problem in my relationship. I am not sure I want my partner to know because it might upset them but I don't want to feel like I'm lying either... Is it my business or does it affect us both?I'm wondering what constitutes as cheating in a relationship? There are so many levels of "cheating"...Depending on who you ask... I haven't done it yet bc I'm not sure. Would appreciate feedback.
Dear friend Cheating would require you sleeping or dating with another man/woman. And by what you have said I see little reason to say your cheating. However he/or she might get mad, but if you love each other all you should need to do is explain. Trust above all is what you should value
I completely disagree with the previous poster. While it may not be cheating in the technical sense, the very fact you're concerned about it and asking about it pretty much answers the question for you. There's a simple shortcut that can save a lot of time when you're considering things like this: If you'd have to keep it a secret from your partner (or anyone else you care about)... don't do it. Another option is to reverse your positions. How would you feel if your girlfriend did this, without telling you about it? If you'd feel hurt or betrayed or disappointed... you have your answer. There's another important piece worth thinking about here: If you need to put pics of yourself online in order to get validation, you're already in dangerous territory. As soon as you hitch your own self-worth to what other people think... then you're setting yourself up first to be hurt, and second, to have even lower self esteem than you may already have. Your sense of yourself, who you are, your attractiveness needs to come from within in order to be worth anything. So you might take this opportunity to spend some time and do some self-exploration about your sense of self, your self esteem, and why it is that you can't love and believe in yourself, by yourself, rather than needing the anonymous approval of random people you don't know. This is a very common thing with people who have a lot of internalized shame, and acting out to try and build self-esteem invariably eventually has the opposite effect. The good news is... as you do the self-work and explore yourself and the feelings that drive these behaviors (or desires)... you can let go of the low self esteem, and end up much more happy and self-confident, where you'll no longer crave approval from others. I hope that helps!
I agree with Chip, I would consider it a form of cheating strictly because you would be doing so behind your partner's back. Also, if you did go ahead and do so, you need to realize as well that there's always a risk of those photos coming back and haunting you in your real life - especially if your face is showing. I would suggest that you maybe try talking to your partner and let them know what it is you feel you are lacking in your relationship now.
Some people think watching porn is cheating or even complimenting someone else. Others say you can do every sexual activity with someone else under the sun and It's not cheating as long as your partner knows. So you should figure out your partner's boundaries. You really don't want to do something you'll regret.
Thanks for the comments. You all made valid points to ponder. It's a difficult territory to enter and I don't think I can enter it privately wihout having a guilty conscience. .. CHIP- I think you're right... IMO it does seem like it would be behind her back and it's not good to seek validation from others to make myself feel good... that is not healthy. We probably need to discuss things to see how we can make each other feel more sexy.
I honestly don't get how that would be cheating... If a gf of mine were to do that I wouldn't care at all. Well... I might have a slight issue if she went through effort to hide it. I wouldn't say she has to tell me. But I wouldn't be entirely comfortable if I discover it, and learn she was trying make sure I don't find out. If that makes sense.
the first thing is- your photos on internet and the possibility of misusing by someone else is really only your business the second thing- when you ask about relationship with your partner, just try to imagine how you´d feel if your partner posts his/her photos online (even if you´d be ok with this there´s no proof that your partner has the same attitude to this issue like you)- so as you said it´d most probably good to discuss it
Put yourself in your partners shoes, and ask yourself: Am I doing it behind her back. Would I be hurt, upset or unhappy if she did this. Would I be scared, worried or nervous talking to her about it. You answer yes to these, then it could cause problem in your relationship. Calling it cheating is not what is important, but how it makes your partner feel is. If you value what you have, how she feels, and your future together, I would talk about your feelings with her and how you need to feel sexy and beautiful. She may not know you feel this way and be glad to validate you.
How do you (or anyone else reading this) think that someone might achieving a sense of attractiveness from within, especially if that person has a body with many features that makes him/her unattractive in the eyes of 99.9% of people?
You have to find the qualities you find attractive in yourself. If you don't feel comfortable in your body, then you might want to start working out and eating better so you can feel attractive in your own body. Once you feel attractive about yourself, more people will, too. I've been attracted to guys and girls who weren't stunning, but had such a radiant, confident personality and who had this glow about them that I couldn't help but fall head over heels for them.
