Lesbian question

I don't think you should fret so much. It sounds to me like she was trying to force herself into getting turned on when looking at straight porn & men. This would be perfectly normal since it took her so long to come to terms with her sexuality. You must remember that there are lots of straight girls who get turned on by lesbian sex but that doesn't mean they're bisexual or lesbians.

 

This analogy might not be exactly accurate but to me it seems like reproaching a vegetarian for eating meat when they were young.
Do you think she's not enough lesbian for you or what? There are many lesbians who prefer gay male porn, or even straight porn over lesbian porn, does that make them any less lesbians? We all have a history and for some of us it includes sex with men. Some hated it completely, some didn't mind it much but realized something is missing, etc.... everyone's different. I personally have no problem with that.
You said that everything is amazing but do you love her? Maybe you don't and try to find a reason why she's not good enough or something. Idk.

 

oh dear, you are completely over-thinking it, and are being frankly offensive to a lot of lesbians who might not have found out they are gay until later in life. You are not helping her acceptance at all with that mindset.

-If she had trouble accepting she was gay she could have looked at men to 'test herself', I have done it, many gay people to do it to see if they are attracted to the opposite sex or not.
-She could have done it because she thinks 'being straight is normal', and maybe she was wondering how it would be to be herself a guy.


Gay people have sex with the opposite sex for various reasons before they accept themselves as gay and 100% hating opposite sex is not a requirement for being gay. You are being kind of ignorant if you think so.

You are gay because you are attracted to same sex, and because you are not sexually attracted to the opposite sex. Note "not sexually attracted" does not mean "hate".
Some lesbians can fall in love/have a relationship with a guy and even have sex with them because they like them as a person, until they realise that they are not wired to be sexually attracted to men but to women. Accepting you are gay is difficult and many of us try to live a straight life, because we want to be 'normal'. We fail at being straight, and people like you telling us that we are not 'really gay' is invalidating and offensive.

She could even be bisexual, but that STIL does not make her straight, and it still does not invalidate her feelings towards women, and ability to get sexually attracted to women.

You would be surprised how much homophobia can twist peoples minds into trying to be straight and trying to be with the opposite sex.

Behaviour does not determine sexuality, a lot of gay people have at least *tried* being with the opposite sex to see if they could like it. Usually, like your gf they have failed to like it.

If she says she is gay, she is gay, you are being kind of a dick for doubting her. Get over yourself, and get off your girlfriends back.

 

this. all those things should be considered. there are so many dynamics of attraction and variables in this situation. many lesbians have a history with males. what is your insecurity? that if she likes males in any way she is going to cheat or leave you? those things could happen anyway regardless of her orientation.

I agree your post came across a little offensive but I'm certain you're not the only person who has wondered about those things or found some insecurity. it isn't cool to doubt her sexuality. but it sounds like your mind has been warped too. and it's a positive thing you voiced your concerns here.

welcome to the forum, I hope you will continue posting here. if you have nobody to talk to you are therefore isolated. you may find someone to relate to both yourself and your girlfriend here. it could help you to understand yourself/her.

 

so are you saying that you cannot understand how somebody can like it?
or are you saying how can somebody say they dislike it, when they don't dislike it as strong as you do, and it must mean they like it?

I can relate to the feeling of being bothered by the idea of straight sex, I was bothered by it since I've found out what straight sex is and I've found it scary/repellent. And yet at some point I did try it.

I liked the idea of love, being loved by somebody and I liked the idea of being close physically to a person that I loved or had affection for, and given that I did not even allow myself to consciously think about women in a romantic way and that I was scared of not being normal, I made myself consciously accept the idea of straight sex as not as horrible.
I grew up in a conservative culture and I just did not know that being lesbian was even a possibility.
I learned to think of straight sex as 'normal' and accepted the idea of it being something that I was prepared to do. I thought that when you are young you find straight sex repellent anyway and that it was normal to feel that way, I thought that everyone had to 'convince themselves to like sex', that it is normal. And I did.

I can honestly say that when I was in love with a man I did not feel grossed out by him physically, because I liked him. I liked him as a person and he could have been a brain inside a robot body, for all I cared. I made myself ignore the body.

Think about it similarly to smoking: I've felt grossed out by cigarettes as a child and could not understand why people smoked. Knowing all this, and knowing how I felt about cigarettes I still smoked as an adult for a while. Why? I don't know.

Now I don't smoke and cannot really access the frame of mind which made me smoke.
I think of it as the time in which I was pretty self-destructive and decided to ignore the inner voice which was telling me that something felt gross/and wrong, in exchange for some form of immediate pleasure.

It can be similar with gay women who have sex with men: they ignore all the feelings which tell them something is not 'completely right' and do it for the sake of other immediate gratification, or for the sake of love and being loved, etc., and most of all because we are told that to be a woman you must like sex with men, if you don't, you are a freak. So we pretend we like it. All sorts of reasons.
It does not mean that we really "like it", its just a trade off.

People do it all the time, not just about sex, but other issues as well, because we are all a bundle of conflicting emotions.

I know you don't mean to offend, but really some of us do like women and dislike men, but we tried to ignore and deny it and in the process we ended up convincing ourselves that we could like men as men, when we just cannot.

Having gone through the process does not make us any more or less gay than those people who never attempted to be straight, it just means that gold-star gays have had significantly less denial about who they are.

 

I have to echo what Loose Moose has said here. I previously genuinely thought my only sexual outlet would have to be with a man. A lot of the guys I crushed on, I made myself do it, because I thought that is how people become attracted to one another. Men were my only option in my head. When it came to sex with them, I did get turned on, and I did want it - but that process of getting turned on was rather convoluted, from what I know now. The guys I did like were very effeminate emotionally and/or I thought they would make a good respectable husband, and so I was attracted sexually through my emotions. I had to ignore their body, and for me, the whole point of sex was penetration - because that was the bit that felt good. But I didn't like men seeing me as a sexual object, I didn't like them looking at me in that way, and growing up I didn't understand why girls thought certain men/boys were "hot". I thought they were just saying it to sound cool. But I also know now looking back I had a thing about girl's bodies growing up, that I was intrigued by their form. I would feel very jealous when close female friends wanted to spend time with other close friends - I wanted them to be mine. The seeds were there for recognising my sexuality, but I was completely blind to it.

I was therefore very ignorant about what actual sexual chemistry is - and that it is something far removed from being manufactured.

Now I have been with women - I get what that gut wrenching thing of sexual attraction thing really is. It creeps up on you, and you can't control it. I don't want to be with men now, as being with them is nothing compared to being with a woman - to feel their touch, their femininity, to enjoy their closeness. Men's bodies and their general maleness just don't make sense any more.

I wish the path had been easier, that I had the courage to not try and like men. But the mind can do some funny things when you are in denial.

 

You might have a look here, and at the whole thread:
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anony...ggested-using-strap-would-you-use-her.html#10

Please note that a penis shaped object does not equal having sex with a man.
It could enrich your life if you would be more open.


(*hug*)

 

Some straight men watch lesbian porn, some straight men watch gay porn, and likewise, some LGBT people watch straight porn. I wouldn't worry about it too much.
As for the other thing, it's also something I wouldn't worry about too much. Some lesbians enjoy penetration, it doesn't make them any less lesbian.
Besides, if you both love and care about eachother, then this shouldn't get in the way of your relationship.
Would you have the same worries if she told you she was bisexual rather than lesbian? Either way, it doesn't mean she feels any less for you. Try not to worry about it, and if it's bothering you too much, I'd suggest talking to your girlfriend about how you feel.