Not only do I want to stop doubting my sexuality, but I want to stop seeking reassurance. Every single time I start feeling uneasy, or my brain starts telling me that maybe I am not straight, I come to this website looking for answers. I start writing a new thread and delete it as soon as I realize what I'm doing. I try to imagine girls naked and then guys, just to see my reaction to it, I imagine kissing girls only to literally jerk my head back and purse my lips as if it were happening. all this followed by a series of questions like "what if you're just deeply in denial?" I know that I'm straight, and I know that I have no intentions of getting sexually or romantically involved with someone of the same sex, because I just don't like it! I don't feel that way-- my problem is that I don't know how to stop doubting myself. And I'm not sure why I even started in the first place. The point of this is... how can I stop? For people who have gone through this (HOCD, apparently), how did you get through this? what were the end results? Why am I still confused, and why do I keep doubting myself if I KNOW that I don't like girls? I'm so confused, so scared, and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry.
Wow, I never would have thought someone would be in the exact same position as I am. Like you, I always come to EC when I'm doubting my sexuality. It's like with all the answers you get, it's still not enough. "what if you're just deeply in denial?" is probably the only question that keeps my anxiety/reassurance going. That is exactly word for word what I say to myself all the time. For me, it started with a specific trigger, which was when I broke up with my first girlfriend. I thought maybe it didn't work because I was gay. I ask myself that every day... Sorry I can't help much, but my two cents is that when you have to go out there in the real world and interact with people more. I've forced myself to do that recently and I'll see where that goes. Whenever you feel like you're doubting yourself, take a couple deep breaths. It's easier to imagine yourself having sex with someone than to be in a relationship with someone, that's what I've found out recently. You can imagine yourself liking the experience, or in fact hating it. But you really won't know unless you're actually participating in it, and I've found out the hard way.
The thing is... I don't want to kiss or have sex with a girl, and I don't want to be in a relationship with one either to figure out if I am or am not gay. I know that I'm not because I've never had a crush on one, and when I hang out with my friends or meet new girls, I just don't feel attracted to them as I do with guys! It's really frustrating, though, because no matter how many times I tell myself this, my mind just goes back to all the "what ifs" and it freaks me out! It will go as far as like 10 years ago to go like.. "what if that was a sign that you were gay?" I've never had sex, like ever, so I don't know if I enjoy it with guys. I don't want to lose my virginity to figure it all out. hahaha I was planning on staying a virgin until I got married! (pretty strange nowadays, I know). I've kissed one guy and it was seriously the best thing ever. so I just-- I don't know. I'm blank,I don't know what to do.
Not strange at all. That's my plan as well. I'd rather lose it to a person that I'm in love with, you know? I hear ya, the constant "what if's" seem to get you every time. You want to make sure that you didn't miss anything, or misinterpret it in that matter. I've never had crushes on boys, and it's only recently did I ever begin to question myself. For those who are gay/lesbian, they are aware of their attractions early on, but maybe didn't realize it or fully understand it until much later (of course there are other factors). You and I have the fear that we will become gay, rather than having the fear of being rejected by society. Those are two different sides of the spectrum.
Wow! I didn't know that there are other people on here going through the same thing! Like I know for a fact that I am straight also but ever since last October these What if's started to happen to me too! And I have no idea on how to get those thoughts out of my head so that everything can go back to the way it was!
@QuiteStarlight9 yeah exactly. Since October last year I've been questioning my orientation nonstop. But this doesn't make sense, how come I didn't question it earlier? Why now? It was only after my first breakup did I start to think that maybe it didn't work out because I'm gay. Sure I've imagined myself having sex with older men, but the feelings aren't there. On top of that, the relationship wouldn't be healthy at all with the power inbalance. Something seems extremely wrong and off here...
The reason why I started questioning myself was because I was always single and it made me think that maybe the reason why I am single is because I might be gay and since then it won't stop and I want it to stop so badly because I know for a fact that I am indeed straight maybe it will finally stop when I actually get a boyfriend
