lesbian/bi??maybe?

Hello there!

Im sure you've heard this before but take your time. You do not need to find a label right away. But in the mean time you can ask yourself these questions:

Do you feel emotionally and physically attracted to women?
How about men?
Can you see yourself having a relationship with both genders or only one?

To me it sounds like you are bisexual since you are attracted to your female friend and you still like boys.

As I said before, there is no rush! Labels can be tricky sometimes so don't stress over them too much ^^

 

You just described my experience with my sexuality there and, as you can see, I'm pretty confused too. lol

Unfortunately, I'm not so sure about what you should do about it. You might come out to someone, but you must make sure they don't react badly and they're people you trust.

 

This is exactly how I felt when I was questioning. To me, it sounds like you're bi/pansexual. (Possibly bi/pan-demisexual) If you still feel attraction to guys, as well as girls, that's what it seems like, however, only you can decide what your orientation is.

As for your friend, it's a pretty awkward situation. Maybe you could try dropping some questions about LGBT people in conversation to see how she reacts, but other than that, I'm not really sure what to tell you.

Good luck with everything

 

I felt similarly before I realized I was gay. I thought I was just a super jealous friend because I couldn't stop looking at pretty girls and always was bothered when I saw them talking to other girls. Now I know better. I can also remember multiple boy crushes when I was younger who I never spoke to, preferring to spend all my time with my best friend. In high school I had two major girls crushes and thot I hated them because I was always so uncomfortable when they were around. I've never told any of these girls how I felt because I ddnt understand, but maybe what you cud try doing is telling her you think you might have a crush on a girl and see how she responds. If she's cool, ask her if she's ever felt the same way - she may surprise you

 

That's an annoying situation. You'll figure out your sexuality one day, even though it's horrible to be confused, there's no point on "labelling" yourself until you're sure. it took me two years to fully accept and understand myself. just give yourself some time. and for your friend, a lot of us have been in the same kind of thing. Personally, I had a crush on a good friend and she would play footsie, hug and just act really flirty in general, but she's straight. I actually told her that I'm a lesbian and she told me she has a crush on one of my (guy) friends. So yeah... if she's really a close friend, telling her about the fact that you're confused shouldn't be a problem. Hopefully she'll be cool about it and you'll be able to discuss it together. And like ANewDawn said, who knows, maybe you'll be surprised by what she has to say.

 

sounds like you're in the same place I was in a few months ago. Now that doesn't mean you'll end up like me, but I'm going to try summing up my experience, maybe you'll find some of it helpful.

sooo over a year ago I met this girl and after a pair of months I started to feel exactly the same stuff you describe in your OP. I also tried to write it off as a girl crush since I've always been attracted to guys (and maybe some female celebrities, but never an actual girl I met ... at least as far I realized ) but then I've realized it's just denial. I mean that's just me, but you can try to ask yourself these questions ... what would you think if you had these feelings for a guy? wouldn't you be certain that it's a crush?

that's how I came to the conclusion that this indeed is a crush and some of my suppressed feelings came into the light ... fast forward to now, after getting to know her more and more, I'm unfortunately undeniably in love, and I've fallen hard. She has that deadly combination of irresistible personality, talent, killer looks and just the right amount of mystery to keep me going. Like a mystery I'm never gonna solve (I totally stole that line from a certain tv show but yea, it's how I feel basically). I have no intention of telling her, exactly as you. She's straight, has had several boyfriends and I've met some of the guys she is/was pining for so yeah. We have kind of a similar taste in men which only makes it worse cause I totally understand why she'd be attracted to them I'm pretty certain she's straight, but she's also really lgbt friendly and sometimes says this stuff that makes me wonder and sometimes we have this kind of chemistry and I can't exactly put a finger on it, so idk. This however in no way invalidates my attraction to men. so since then, I've fully admitted to myself that I am indeed bisexual and came to be comfortable with this identity as long as being bisexual goes. I still have a long way to go re: coming out.

I'm sorry I'm rambling about myself, so my advice for you is: wait it out. Allow yourself to explore these feelings. Treat it as any other crush. You may find yourself falling in love and exploring your identity. I'm guessing you're bi, from what you've described, but you and solely you are the only person that can know this. As long as telling her goes, it depends on you and if you want to risk it I don't know either of you, but it might be worth a try if you come to be confident she likes you. If you don't, you're not obligated to tell anyone anything. You may start with telling her you've been questioning yourself however, if it helps you unloaden your burden a bit : )

sorry this got way too long! From time to time the essayist spirit overtakes me ...

 

I think the best time would be when you're already talking about LGBT issues. I've contemplated telling her a few times myself, but didn't see the point ... yet. With us these topics come naturally when we're already talking about society and politics, I don't know if you guys talk about this stuff often - if you don't, it will only be slightly harder to catch the right moment.

I'd go around it like "well you know, lately I've been thinking I like girls too" (this is maybe not the right formulation but I'm not a native speaker thus don't have a knack for these thing yet ) and if she asks, just tell her something like for a while. You don't have to outright lie to your best friend, I'd say you could only purposedly forget to mention the crush if you don't want to drop the bomb yet.

But I don't have a lot of experience with these talks so someone else might give you better advice I'll be sure to look at your other topic as well

P.S. the line is from Castle, season 3 episode 22 told you I stole it

 

Haha I love Castle! Back to the point, coming out will never go as planned. I'm not saying that in a bad way, it's just that you shouldn't worry about it too much. Just go with the flow. You could make it funny, awkward or completely random. Random is fun, so your idea is actually alright. If you want to make it a bit more serious then say "There's something I want you to know; I'm questionning my sexuality", but that's a lot less fun. It might take you a while to tell her, but that's normal. Being confused shouldn't be something to be ashamed of and it's important to have someone you feel comfortable to talk to about it. So I say go ahead, tell her whenever you feel comfortable to and don't get too nervous. Keep us updated

 

If it helps at all, here's how I firstcame out to some of my friends:
-My best friend had already guessed when we were 11, but I told her that I had a crush on a girl in my class and she told me she did also. That was pretty funny.
-I told another one of my friends when we messaging via Skype. I think she was a bit shocked.
-At school, I asked a really good friend if we could talk. He said okay and we went to sit on the stairs. Then after mumbling, blushing and not talking for about ten minutes, I said something like "I think I'm gay". He didn't mind at all and that was it.

So yeah, just go for it.

 

Ask something like 'out of all the guys in our year, which do you think's the hottest?'
then 'Okay, what about girls?'
If she reacts badly you can say it's just a question, but y'know. Just stuff like that. If LGBT stuff ever comes up in a conversation, seize the opportunity to ask as many questions as you can without looking suspicious, or if you know anyone who's LGBT or has recently come out, you could mention them to get them started on the topic?

It really depends on the conversation you're having

 

You could just get her alone and tell her you wanna talk about something serious - that's how I told two friends. But it might be less nerve-racking to bring it up casually in conversation when you get a chance. I think ForNarnia's suggestion was good. How I told a third friend was bringing up the conversation of what guy she wanted to date. When she asked me the same question I just straight up said "I'm not really into guys". I think how she responds to the topic will largely determine if you feel okay telling her that you have a crush.

 

well you could always start with a TV show that has lgbt, especially lesbian/female bisexual characters. I don't know what you watch but there's lots of them on right now, like Orphan Black, Carmilla, Orange is the New Black (that is like the holy trinity right now from what I've gathered on tumblr I love OB and OITNB, but haven't watched Carmilla yet)... I'm from Slovakia