So I am 35 years old female. I am in the military. In high school I discovered my cousin was gay (female). But she has never come out. This made me question my own sexuality. Since then I have always been couriuse. But with the exception of a few encounters at a night club I have never had a female come on to me. That along with self esteem issues kept me from approaching the subject. When Don't Ask Don't Tell was repealed things changed, society changed, the military is now this big Lesbian spot. I dont know if I'm questioning because I'm lonely, or if Its from my child hood abuse. I mean my cousin was born gay she was always gay. I don't know if I was born gay. I just know when I'm talking with masculine lesbians like my body responds to them. I'm not worried about coming out since most people assume I'm a lesbian anyway. It would be like hey I was lying about being straight. I keep telling myself that dating women doesn't mean I won't be lonely. Though all the lesbians I know are always in relationships (I'm totally jealouse.) So what do I do next? Go out on date? Go to a gay club? Kiss a girl? Please help!
Can you recall your past crushes, and individuals that you had feelings for and not just straight up "I can imagine having sex with them" thoughts? The child hood abuse could have had some influence into your confusion, but ultimately your orientation cannot be changed by such an event. You would be going against your true nature. It is crucial, however, to consider all the possibilities and figure out what everything may mean. Or it may not mean anything at all! Only you would know, so take your time and find out what your thoughts mean.
Yeah I guess part of me hopes that maybe this is the secret puzzle piece of why I'm always so lonely. I find it hard to connect with males. Matter fact I kinda hate being around males, which is funny cause I'm in the military. I thought of going to a gay club just to see.... But the closest one is 90 minutes away.
