So, I think I like this guy right now. And I think he likes me back, but the moment I feel that this could actually go somewhere I get so nervous and freaked out. I don't want to feel freaked out. I have never been in a relationship (I'm 19.) Like I just think how nerve wracking and how scary it is that we could actually be going on a date and kiss and it's so scary. Is anybody else like this? How do I stop feeling freaked out? Why do I feel this way? I don't think I have commitment issues. I'm afraid I'll get so scared, nervous, and freaked out I'll back down from letting anything ever happen. Has anybody else felt like this? How did they get through it? Thoughts?
Hello! I'm in a relationship right now, but i can definetely understand you. I always freaked about about those things. Unfortunatelly, there isn't a magic spell to avoid getting nervous at the first time you are moving towards someone. There are, however, some tips that can help you. First, try not to overthink it. Personally, i overthink things a lot. Oh, "what will happen if...", "but, if he answers X, i will do Y...". That's unecessary and your mind can play a lot of tricks here. Sure, you don't need to do anything on impulse, but don't overthink. I read somewhere that we should forget "what ifs", and i agree with that. Things should flow naturally after you moved the first steps. Don't worry about "If X, then Y" . Take a deep breath and relax.
Chiroptera: Thanks for your reply I appreciate it! I think I'm scared of the unknown but I am over thinking it by asking myself "what ifs." For example: "what if I really am not scared of the unknown and I just am not attracted to anyone...ect."
Well, i can't read your mind and tell what you are feeling (haha), but, to me, it looks like you are attracted to him (deeply or not), but you are just naturally scared. Of course, it is ok and natural to think about those things (and, in my opinion, healthy), but if you catch yourself overthinking too much about what might or might not happen if X, then relax a bit and clear your head.
Thanks Chiroptera. I was just reading some stuff on how it's important to embrace anxiety. So I think I'm gonna try my best to embrace the nervousness I feel and try to find a way to let it help me. Everytime I talk about him i get this intense nerve wracking feeling and I get really warm and my heart starts beating. This hasn't happened to me often as I'm quite shy and anti-social.
I don't really understood what you mean by embrace nervousness, but i agree that you can try and manage it. I was too, for a very long time. I understand
Chiroptera: Sorry I should've explained more. I guess try to take my nervousness and utilize it for something good, which should help me coup with it and overcome my fears.
Just to add some stuff from psychological counseling classes I've taken: Nervousness, overthinking and feelings just means we care. Whenever we feel anxiety it's because it's something that matters to us. It's good to do stuff that makes us feel things unless it's like having a bear chase us for our life. How to overcome it? Well, your thoughts and feelings will be there, but essentially you just do what you just said - embrace it. As long as your making actions towards the thing you want (going on the date with the guy), then you're doing things based on your values. If you run away from your feelilngs and say call it off, then your moving away from the things you care about. I really like this passengers on a bus analogy if you want to watch it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z29ptSuoWRc Good luck, love! <3
I think it is natural to have worries of that kind... especially if it will be your first relationship. However second or third or hunderth won't feel different. It is probably one of those things make life more fun and exciting... of course when you start actual relationship you will realize that. For now it is just unnerving. Think every relationship like sea... you will hesitate even refuse to get in at first. When you are in, you hardly want to get out... unless you get caught in a storm. In my experience, it is usually both sides carry same worries so object of your affection probably not in a good place than you are now. You might help both of you by being brave and pushing things far into relationship road if you are sure of their feelings.
