Not an Ellen

Me! I used to think the same as you (about being a lesbian and Ellen). But you don't have to fit the sterotype at all! Be yourself I love the colour pink and other girly things. I have no desire to look masculine and I'm super gay! There are plenty of feminine lesbians out there. We're just harder to find. You could try wearing rainbow pride stuff, go to an LGBT support group, or attend Pride. I feel saddened that you cut your hair to look more "gay".

 

My two cents: if you go on dating sites and just browse through the lesbian section you will see a variety of looks. I have been told that LGBTQ couples don't always fit in the same mold as straight couples (masculine paired with feminine), but my lesbian friends seems to mostly be paired fem and stud, but i do at times see two fems and two studs. The one thing i love about the whole LGBTQ movement is the freedom to be yourself and feel what you feel. So do just that.

 

You don't have to look the part. Being lesbian is not about how you look; it's about who you love. You shouldn't change who you are. Stereotypes are dumb. You don't have to live up to stereotypes. Just be you! There is nothing wrong with being a fem lesbian. As a fem bi girl; I love femininity in both men and women personally. I am sooo attracted to femininity.

 

I'm a femme lesbian .
I wear make up , long hair dresses and everything my favorite color is pink .

 

Pink Sisters!

 

Be comfortable with who you are. A previous GF of mine was as stereotypically girly as they can come - long blonde hair, into yoga/figure skating/purses/dresses/would cry during Titanic, loved pink, wore dresses any time she wasn't in yoga class. Being lesbian isn't about what you look like, it's who you love and who you are attracted to. If you want to look more "butch/studly" go for it, if you want to be super femme, go for it. Maybe buy some pride bracelets or a shirt if you want to show off your pride.

 

You can be feminine and also be a lesbian. Look at Portia! Just be yourself!

I'm a femme lesbian. I wear girly things and do girly stuff and I love it. Don't change just to fit the stereotypes!

 

there isnt a book that you get given once you realise you like women that says 'rules of liking women and things you must do'. so... you just have to be yourself. there arent any rules of 'how to be a lesbian' or anything. just be you. experiment with your looks if want to but dont do it just to fit in thinking youll maybe look more gay. femme women are hard to find but they do exist.

im femme.

 

Hey, I had the same sort of feelings when I was younger, which I think led to a much longer closeted period for me. I thought I must not be a lesbian because I wasn't masculine or butch, I didn't look or act like what I perceived a lesbian to be, so there was no way that was me.

More enlightened years later, I know now that all being a lesbian means is being a woman attracted to other women. There's no need to look or act a certain way. Coming out of the closet should be about embracing and celebrating who you are, not changing from fitting the straight ideal to changing yourself to fit a gay one.

 

There are definitely more feminine lesbians! And no, being a lesbian doesn't have to involve anything else besides that attraction to girls. I mean, it could, but really, the attraction is what it is about.
I'm extremely feminine, I know i'll never fit the lesbian stereotype. But that's all it is, a stereotype. It's not real. I know some other lesbians and some are very butch, but two are pretty damn feminine as well. It does sometimes make me sad to think other lesbians will never be able to look at me and guess, but i'm just not happy even slightly boyish looking. I like feminine hairstyles and want to wear dresses and skirts even in the winter. I can't even feel comfortable in sweat pants or hoodies because they don't feel girly enough for me haha. So everyone is shocked and doubtful if I come out to them, and I assume lesbians don't look my way twice. (To make it more difficult, I am by far more attracted to to other femme lesbians. Occasionally a butch-esque girl will catch my eye, but I generally like girls who look stereotypically girly.

So you are not alone. You do you! Dress and act and wear your hair however makes you the happiest. I think it's important more of us do this. Though it can be tempting to change our outer appearance just to be noticed, this plays into the stereotype even more. I think it's important the world knows there is a huge variety in lesbian appearances, just like straight appearances. (Of course, this isn't to say there is any problem at all with lesbians who have a more tom boyish appearance. If that's what makes them happy and comfortable, that's great! I just think everyone should do what makes them happy and not let themselves fall into pressures and stereotypes to fit in)

 

It took me a long time to realize that i'm gay. I didn't think it was possible because I look and act no different from all my straight friends. Looking back now I feel so beyond dumb and ignorant! I don't think gender identity and sexual orientation are related… I have a lot of tomboy friends who are most definitely straight.

You should watch lesbian you tubers, almost all the ones I have seen are pretty feminine. It erased any preconceived notions I had about lesbians and how they should look/act.

 

When i was first coming to terms with the fact that i liked girls,i also used to wonder if i was really a lesbian cos i didnt look like one.This must mean i was bisexual surely?!?
Just like everybody else has said,there is no set way to look or dress.Im not butch or fem.Im just me.
I am attracted to fem girls tho

 

Sexual orientation and how we express ourselves are two different things. You can be as masculine or feminine as you want, regardless of sexual orientation.

 

You don't have change im femine and like fem women you don't have to be butch to be a lesbian x

 

I cut my hair when I came out but, because it felt right to me. But, don't ever feel like you need to fit into a box. Somebody is going to love you for everything about you, femme or butch, it doesn't matter. You do you.

 

Omg, I don't get this Ellen thing. I mean, why should you look like a boy, when you are lesbian? I am a lesbian, so I like girls. And everything about them - their bodies, their softness, their feminine side. If I wanted to be with a guy, I would have a boyfriend, so I don't get the whole butch look at all.
I mean, there are girls, who don't feel feminine and would like to be guys and look like guys, but me personally - I am not into that. On the other hand sexy, feminine girls drive me crazy.

 

Agree totally with Kakich on this one

 

^ It's not really about Ellen, she's just an example. I too don't understand the attraction to butch women. Isn't the whole point of being a lesbian because you are attracted to women, because you find their outer appearance appealing. I'm not saying every woman has to wear dresses/skirts, heels, and makeup (I don't) but why not dress in a feminine way?

 

I'm more of a slightly tomboyish one but I have a more feminine appearance, my hair is quite long lol

But yeah, femme lesbians exist. In fact 90% of EC is femme lesbians, I haven't met too many butches here.