I've realised that I don't go on a lot of dates because I really don't like rejecting a guy when the attraction is only one sided. It feels really awkward, rude and mean. I'm not worried about receiving rejection, only giving it. Anyone got any tips for saying "not interested" without hurting the dude's feelings? Example situations are: At the end of a first date If a guy hits on me at a gay bar/club I have a feeling this might come across like I'm up myself. I'm sorry if this is the case.
Best advice I can offer is: accept that there is no way to avoid hurting the guy's feelings. It will cut his confidence and hopes and ego. But all you can do is make the cut clean and quick, so the wound is less painful and heals easier. So, say you're at the end of a date and you're just not feeling it. Then there is, IMO, no better way than to be up-front. Something like "This was a nice date, and I enjoyed myself. But I'll be honest with you: I didn't feel like this is going to lead somewhere. Not anything specific, but I know what I'm supposed to feel like when I want to continue and I'm not feeling it now." Whatever you do: don't mince words. Don't get yourself roped into discussing very specific things they did or did not do. Don't ever make it a value judgement on the person. You're honoured they considered you, you're not feeling it, you wish them much luck in their future endeavours. End of story. Anything more opens you up to accusations of "stringing them along" or "playing games" Yeah, it is the "it's not you, it's me" approach (avoid those words, though. They're too cliché). They'll be disappointed it didn't work out. It will hurt a little. But the hurt will help them moving on as well.
End of first date: Finish things up by initiating a handshake (to prevent anything more) & an "It was great getting to meet you." And if they say anything about a second date, then or later, you can just say something like, "I had fun with you, but I just didn't feel that 'spark' I'm looking for. You seem like a really wonderful person though, & I wish you the best." Bars/Clubs: Never let anyone you're not interested in buy you a drink: "No thanks, I've got it". If they ask you to dance: "Actually I'm just here with my friends tonight." or something like that. If they ask for your number: "I don't give my number out to people I meet in bars, but maybe I'll see you around sometime." Really, what it comes down to is thinking about how you would want to be treated in the same situation. I'd rather have someone turn me down swiftly & obviously (but nicely) than be left confused about whether they were interested.
