I'm a 18 year old shy girl*confused about her sexuality. When I was five years old I was raped* and bullied throughout grade school developed trust issues as a result which affected me from experiencing many things that the average teen would experience throughout life. Some of these would include, having friends and interacting with others. My life revolved around watching tv at home or computer gaming. For many years this is what I did to cope with my depression. I come from a religious family, where I'm the most spirituality connected, but recently have been questioning it due my rough past. I've never been in a relationship up until 3 months ago. I met a boy online through instagram, this boy always made me happy. We would skype and play online video games together. I didn't feel a sexual connection with him. Him and I have done online sexual stuff which includes watching hetro porn together and roleplaying/sexting.*I told him about my fantasy that I've never told anyone about. My fantasy is with my cousin, who is also a female. She was my only friend up had until 2 months ago when I told her I was dating someone online, since then we haven't talked. I can tell if a boy is cute, but I don't really have sexually thoughts about a man based on looks. I can imagine my self sexually with females but not so much males, even tho I can be turned on by my boyfriend. I can conclude that I like females, however the males part is what im concerned about, If I am bi I feel like I lean more toward females. I have another question, Is a bi's goal to find a sole mate without ruling out both genders? Because you can only marry one gender which makes you lesbian or straight? Thank you for your help! I will try to have a poll posted but you can also comment.
Firstly I am so sorry that happened to you. But just in case you thought this, something like that can't Turn you gay. It might affect how you express (or don't) your sexuality but it doesn't change the way you were born. Sexuality is a spectrum, ranging from completely straight to completely gay with every thing in the middle being technically bisexual. The majority of the world is bisexual but rarely are people right in the middle. For example I am still physically attracted to boys but I only have an emotional connection with girls. And I am only interested in a sexual relationship with a girl, so I consider myself mostly lesbian. You may have an emotional connection to your boyfriend - you like him and enjoy your time together. But you may only have sexual interest in girls, which would mean you are closer to the gay end of the spectrum though you are in the bisexual range. So it's really up to you how you want to label yourself, but remember that sexuality is fluid and there is not a term to describe every single level of attraction to every gender. That being said you might be comfortable with a term like bi-romantic homosexual - meaning you are romantically attracted to two genders but are only sexually attracted to one. Also finding a label that you're comfortable with isn't signing a contract. You are free to choose any kind of relationship with any person you want, regardless of their gender and your label. Hope this helps! EC has been really great for me while discovering my own sexuality
You are you. Don't worry about the labels as you are trying to discover who you are. I'm in a different stage of coming out, as a bi/pan-sexual. (Starting to get into the slutty phase of separation/divorce/coming out.) So, I'm selectively hooking up with guys that float my boat. Talking with a few gals about getting together as well. Long term, I want to be with people who love me, and are true friends. I don't know if there's just one soul mate for me out there. I feel like I have enough love for the whole of humanity, why do I have to pick just one partner. I really don't care what the label is, if I marry a guy or a gal again, I'm not sure I can stay monogamous. I never felt the love I had for my wife was complete. I wouldn't mind having a small clan of people, committed to each other. Right now society says, you may only marry one person. Now, that person can be the same gender, or not. Not everywhere but it's getting there. However, I do get the feelings of having to pick a side.
Definitely agree with the above - but I know only too well, choosing that is difficult. I have also been advised that you don't have to choose label, if you don't want to - but for me, I feel I do need one. I think for me, I have struggled with the whole label thing because I have been told by various people, over the past few years a) there is no such thing as bisexual - you're confused - pick one or the other b) you're confused, you must be straight (strange logic, I know) c) the way you were in bed - must be a lesbian d)you can only be a lesbian if you exclusively like women 100% A lot of these 'helpful' comments came from family, friends, lovers, and leader of an student LGBT group. For a long time, I adopted the bisexual label, as I knew I was attracted to women, but was only in relationships with (and had sex with) men. Going anywhere near women was just too too scary for me - and it was an unknown quantity. Then, around my 30th birthday (2 years ago), a number of things happened which prompted me to explore my attraction towards women more. For the first time, rather than random crushes bubbling up when I least wanted them, I started to be honest with myself, which has meant looking at my past, acknowledging my attractions then, and my attractions now - a process I am still working through. Having been with a woman now, and acknowledging my attraction towards women, do I realise actually how strong those attractions are, far stronger than my desire ever was towards men. Yes, I was with men before, and I could be turned by them, but it wasn't anything like they way it is with women. Currently - I have no desire to be with men, and the idea of being with a man is very very strange. Being with a man would seem like a poor substitute for women - but I only know that having been with a woman (sex AND relationship). So - for me - lesbian is my current working title - because it fits the most, and not because I am a "perfect" version of one. But - I do find it difficult to use it publicly, as I guess I'm worried people will say "oh but what about the men..." But, bisexual just doesn't fit, as I don't want a boyfriend, and I don't have any desire towards them.
You are similar to me. I'm sexually more attracted to females than male. I ended up with a husband = I'm still bisexual. So it doesn't matter which sex you end up marrying if you still think about both. If you end up picking one and not the other side then you would fall into the les or straight. We get too concern about these labels.
