17//male It's been about five years since I first discovered that I wasn't exactly straight. But it was a hard year already and I was always feeling guilt for things, I never let anyone know because I knew it would only bother them. But years went by of psychologically wrapping up feeling and emotion to the point where it would shatter under the weight and the only thug keeping it up was the styrofoam casement. But even that couldn't save it it seems. I'm tired of the constant hurting and the discomfort I feel , in place of love or any other feelings. I don't understand what feelings are real and which ones aren't... My mind is filled with questions that my heart can't seem to answer.
I know how you feel, and I wish I knew a perfect way to deal with it. What frequently works for me, and what I suspect may work for you, is writing down my thoughts in kind of a stream-of-consiousness narration (meant for only my own eyes, or, occasionally, as a letter to someone which I may or may not ever send). It's a good way to introspectively explore your thoughts and feelings about any given topic. My personal theory is that most great artists do this to some extent, because it's also a great way to mine your mind for inspiration later. Of course you could also try meditation, or seek out someone you can trust to bounce ideas off of (maybe a therapist, or maybe a single close friend). Have you ever tried any of these things?
