I'm new here and hoping for some insight into my orientation. There's a very similar thread going right now, but I didn't want to hijack it with all my details and questions. I know I'm not straight, that's at least clear. I went through years of confusion and I thought I was bisexual, then a lesbian, the for the longest time I've identified as bi. If we're talking about the Kinsey scale, I'd say I was a 4 or 4.5. A counselor I talked to briefly said that I sound "homosexual with occasional heterosexual tendencies" which honestly threw me for a loop since I thought I'd finally figured out that I'm just bi leaning more toward girls. I don't want to throw out any possible triggers, but part of the reason it's harder for me to figure out is that I am still struggling with the results of childhood sexual abuse and rape in my teens and I can't be with anyone now, especially guys, since it was men who abused me, so sex with a man causes panic and flashbacks no matter how attracted I am. That definitely affects the feelings I have and causes me to be a lot more hesitant towards a relationship with a guy. Does anyone have any thoughts? Thanks if you've read this. x
I think it's honestly just something you have to figure out yourself. Go with whatever is comfortable to you. If men make you nervous, then it doesn't matter if you are attracted to them or not, they make you nervous and you wouldn't be able to have a long term relationship with them anyways. That's just my opinion. Take it how you will.
Thanks so much. I know it's something I have to define for myself. I guess I'm just too into needing confirmation from other people. Fortunately I can work on my issues with my men, and it's already gotten better. It'll be easier to see clearly without that cloud in front of me.
As as teenager I once was fearful of men, I ended having a caring and gentle bf I ended up marrying. So it can change, when we are hurt we tend remember it. But not letting go of the past if letting yourself suffer more than what had happen. The you today is not you at that time that moment ago. We constantly change and we need to find happiness by not bringing the past to the present or to our future. I can understand females seems safer, but ultimately it might be a man who you love most but your anxiety and fear will be difficult. This book as helped me maybe it could help you Miracles Happen by brian weiss M.D.
I really appreciate that, lilstar. I am definitely more into girls, but you give me hope I won't always be so nervous with guys, which is a big thing even without a connection to anything involving sex and relationships. And one thing is this forum has pretty much helped me figure out that I am what I initially thought- bi, prefer women. I'll just let that other person's interpretation of my sexuality go.
