For a long time I identified as asexual and it brought me a lot of peace because I generally don't find people attractive. Rarely I did find myself attracted to a woman which I assumed was a byproduct of social/sexual human needs and the fact that I am wary/mistrusting of men. I was contentedly living as an asexual who was out to anyone who happened to ask, which was barely anyone, and didn't have any sort of romantic or sexual relationships up to age 21. But then I met a guy who was really awesome as a human being and we became best friends and have a happy relationship together. Within this relationship was a whole sexual awakening as well, I am kinda slow- didn't realize female masturbation was a thing. I liked asexual as a label for its directionlessness that matched my attraction-scare world, but I was increasingly aware of a sex drive which definitely wanted to go somewhere. When I am with him I'm perfectly happy, but when I'm not with him I can only see myself in a relationship with women. I just feel like its an ideal world if I could be with another woman, but everything is also fine with my male partner, so maybe I should just deal with it? I thought about it much over the summer when he and I were apart. Fortunately our relationship is such that I could talk about this with him. He had been up to date on how I don't find men attractive, my fantasies about my female roommate, that I never ever considered myself straight, so all things considered he wasn't really surprised. And we decided that lesbian is a more accurate way to describe my sexual and relationship interests. But we're still together. I'm really not sure if that's best or not. I can see that we are both so comfortable with the way things are, and we've been building up our relationship for so long that its hard to just walk away from it. Can it be a good idea for us to stay together, or am I just kidding myself? We care about each other. Is this the kinda situation where if you really care about each other, you have to let go? Also as an answer to my own questions, he has to do two years of military service after graduation. During this time he thinks it is best if I pursue anything that will make me happy, irrespective of his existence. Meaning that maybe I can find someone who is also amazing and wonderful, and additionally female, during this time. And maybe thats what will happen. Its just really hard for me to acknowledge that we aren't the best for each other. I sometimes wonder if adding another girl to the relationship is worth trying. Thoughts or similar experiences?
If he has given you permission to see other people when he goes into the military, maybe you should do that. Go out on dates, see how different people make you feel, maybe experiment. Maybe dating other people will help you figure yourself out. I don't know about adding another girl into your relationship. You totally could. I, myself, am in a polly relationship. However, it might not be the best time to do this; it might complicate thing futher at this point in time. Maybe later after you are more comfortable with yourself and your relationship(s)? I'm not telling you not to add another person; it's your decision. I may be off on my advice here, and maybe it's not too soon... but only you can decide that. Best of luck in everything.
The way you describe it looks like you two are more like bestfriends than an actual couple. Nothing wrong with that but I found strange that you didn't make clear your feelings for him. Are you truly in love with him? Living a straight life is very comforting but from your post it sounds that you are a lesbian. My opinion is this: He seems a very nice and accepting guy who is giving you time to find about yourself. If I were you, I will accept his advice and get to know other women. You are happy, care about each other and this is fine, but a romantic relationship doesn't build only on that. Imagine that you and him keep the relationship and years from now you decide you are better with a woman. That would be very unfair on him. If you label yourself a lesbian but have never been with a woman, maybe is a good idea to explore this attraction. If it is not what you expect and decide you don't like it, you can always keep going with your actual relationship.
