Male, 17. I've been with my girlfriend nearly three months now and things are going fine. We're very affectionate but yet to have any intense sexual encounters, but I don't think it will be long before anything like that happens. I often worried about it as I was so used to masturbating over males I envied as a pre-teen but it's not been an issue anymore...as I no longer do it. When I masturbate over my girlfriend, it feels a lot better. Given, it's not as 'easy' as it was when I was doing it to guys (but I have no sexual thoughts when doing so), but I notice the orgasm is a lot more intense and the thoughts are pretty exciting to me when I do it to my girlfriend. The thought of sex with my girlfriend is something that I look forward to, and I'm not quite sure why I even considered that I could be gay and such, considering how sexually and physically I am attracted to my girlfriend. Things got heated last week and I found it hard to get an erection and nothing was happening - I wondered if this could have been due to me being so used to masturbating over male features (abs, build, facial features) - or..it could simply be performance anxiety (since I am a virgin and I have never been in this situation before). I just can't quite help finding guys attractive, though. If I see a guy, I know when he's good looking - but I get weird feelings and I don't like it. It's not like I want to have sex with a guy or settle down with one, because I don't and I am happy with my girlfriend - I just don't get why I find myself looking at them more. Is it because I'm still envious? That I wished I looked like them? I seem to overthink things and if I see a man that I find attractive, I instantly think I'm gay even though I know I'm not. I was talking with my mom and brother today and we were talking about my childhood and the fact they were surprised by the fact I have a girlfriend, considering they were so sure I was going to be gay? In honesty it made me feel like sh*t, however my mom also said the same about my brother and he now has a child and is as straight as a manly man can get. He said he wished that he'd have spent more time with me as he knows just how much I was mollycoddled by my mom and sisters, and I started picking up things they did (noticing guys, the way they talk, the things they talk about) which is probably what has put me in this situation now. I used to watch 'Coming Out' videos on YouTube - and I wouldn't watch them because I felt the same...I was just interested for some reason - I find them fascinating somehow. But then this led me to thinking that because I watched them, I must be too? It's a weird thing that's going on inside my head. I don't feel gay, I don't want to be with a man, I don't find them sexually attractive - only physically to an extent. But I keep getting voices in my head that tell me I'm gay and that I'm lying to myself, especially when I see a guy that I find attractive. What is going on? Can somebody please help me?
Dude we pretty much have the exact same story. (except you are farther than me cause you have a girlfriend). Everything matches up so well to what i am experiencing. I do was mollycoddled as a child and picked up on all those things. I dont find men sexually attractive, but i do physically to an extent as well. I find guys attractive too but i am very obsessive over things and have low self esteem so im more envious. Sometimes i feel as though my brain tricks myself into thinking its sexual attraction, even though i have no desire for it. I overthink it so much. Were in the same boat, and seeing you enjoying a girlfriend gives me hope to get myself out of this self doubting loophole. I dont feel gay either.
It's normal for you to see the occasional guy that you think is handsome. There are no sexual feelings there, so you're not gay. My situation has some parallels, but in the opposite. I have always masturbated over women, and I'm not sure why that is now that I know I'm interested in men. I believe that I may be masturbating over beautiful women because I am envious of them, just as mentioned you did with men whom you were envious of, and the poster above also. There are no sexual attraction there concerning the women like you also mentioned, in opposite of course. This is definitely confusing to me, and I'm sure it is to as well. (But if you don't do it anymore, it must not be an issue for you) I know in my heart that I am gay, just as I think, you know that you are straight. I am always doubting my sexuality just like you. You just have to say to yourself "No. I know who I am." because you do know deep down. If you don't want to be with a man, than it is clearly not for you. If you were gay, you would want to be with a man sexually and romantically. In this day and age it's easy for people to become confused because of over-stimulation, in this case, through pornography. I'm not sure what your situation is with porn usage, but for me it has caused a lot of confusion and anxiety. Maybe you're similar. It seems to me that you really love about and care for your girlfriend deeply, and if you feel like she is the right person for you, that's what counts. You, and only you know what you are. You have already demonstrated that you know from evidence in your post. It's difficult, and it may take some time, but you just have to let go of the doubt and the confusion. The more you think about, it in my opinion on this particular matter, the worse it is. You don't need all the stress and constant worry it brings. Just go on with your life and do what comes naturally. I hope my post helps you think through some of the things you're worried about ConfusedGuy4321, and also you SoulSearcher. I know how terrible it feels to be confused all the time :/ I wish you both luck in your future worry-free lives
