I saw a guy on tv of who'm I thought had a great physique, so I decided to check out his social media. I saw a shirtless picture of him (baring in mind I would kill for his physique) and you could see the band of his underwear which has always been a strange attraction for me - even though I am so sure I'm straight and with me with in a relationship with a girl. It didn't take me long to get erect (I masturbated about an hour ago over the thought of sex with my girl), unlike when I masturbate over my girlfriend. I wasn't thinking of anything at all when I was masturbating to the picture...no sexual/gay thoughts or anything, I was just admiring. I feel so f*cking guilty now! I haven't done this in 4 months or so since I've had a girlfriend?? I have little attraction to him sexually, but physically when I saw his body! But now I don't know what to think? Am I over-reacting? I feel no attraction and I feel nothing but guilt now... what have I done?? Please help! Does this mean I'm gay? Was it a heat-of-the-moment thing? :bang: :bang: :bang:
You are probably still straight, but it is entirely possible that you are a little bi. It's not unusual to only like one gender 99.99999999% of the time, but then every once in a while find yourself attracted to the other. Of course, since you didn't really fantasize about being with him, and because you don't really have an attraction towards him, you're probably straight. Just keep in mind that if you aren't that's okay too. No need to feel guilty.
You're well aware of girls comparing their looks to other girls right? Guys do the same thing too, just in their heads. I'll look up Hugh Jackman and Kevin Costner and I can say that they're good looking men; ideal father figures for me, as it were. They possess the ideal traits that a man would have, and I find that attractive in a sense that I want to look like them, a bit of transference you could say. Yeah that's what I do as well when I look up gay porn. I just masturbate to it and nothing else goes on in my head. I just masturbate till I orgasm then I'm done and I close my browser. My mind shuts off after that. And I have no desire to have a relationship with men at any age. To me it's more of an admiration driven by the absence of a true father figure.
First, take a deep breath. I know this feels really scary, but it's also important to try and not jump to any conclusions here. The truth is, nobody, including you, can accurately answer at this moment whether you're straight, gay, or somewhere in between. You may be entirely straight... or you might, as happens more often than you'd expect, find that you've got some new feelings surfacing that could be a part of you. And one of the most important pieces to try and get your hands around -- take a breath -- is that whatever it is, whatever you feel, whoever you are... is who you are. You can't change it, so what's important is to simply do your best to understand it. On to figuring things out: We don't have enough information to say anything certain. We can say that you have a girlfriend that you like, and whom -- I'm assuming, -- you find sexually attractive and arousing. Which, assuming what I inferred is true, implies that you are maybe straight and maybe bi. In order to really embrace and understand, you'll need to explore your feelings more. As scary as it is, it means looking inside yourself, thinking about and masturbating about men, and, separately, about women (preferably not using porn or other stimulus). Do this a few times for each, and see where your arousal lies. Then, try doing this without thinking about anything in particular, and just seeing what imagery comes up in your mind's eye. Keep in mind that you are likely to feel disgusted or really shameful after you orgasm to thinking about a guy, and that's because, if there is any real arousal there, it's going to, likely, terrify you, and the disgust response is an unconscious defense. Also, if you are, in fact, somewhere on the continuum between straight and gay, there are always stages in processing that "loss" (in this case, loss of perception you're straight. The stages are denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance, and aren't necessarily sequential. Understanding this helps you to better understand yourself. So, as much as an immediate answer, preferably that you're as straight as a flagpole, is what you're after... realistically, no one can definitively give that to you. You need to try and keep breathing, relax a little into the unknown and be OK with it taking a while to figure out, and then just... do your best to give it some time. Also, anything you want to share that can add more info or clarify will help you get more input from other posters. I hope that helps.
I think you are getting to upset about this, chances are it was a spur of the moment thing, but there is the chance you might be bi. Have you ever had feelings like this before? If so you might need to think about your sexuality and how you feel. I hope this helps you
When you're young, it doesn't matter what you think about when you masturbate. You are going to get off just by rubbing it, so you can think about airplanes, girls, cars, or an upcoming history test. Lying to yourself about what turns you on is easy. The phrase "I would kill for his physique" is a justification I personally used many times. It wasn't until I was 24 and the first time I saw a picture of 2 fully clothed guys kissing, and I got the fastest erection ever in my entire life, that I finally had to admit to myself that I was gay. I wish I could go back in time and give Chip's post to my 14 year old self. In the long run, it is much easier dealing with reality, than dealing with the damage of actions based off of a false perception of who you are. You have to be honest with yourself. You might be bi or straight and Chip made some excellent suggestions for how to go about finding out objectively.
Well I have done what Chip said for about one year now, back and forth and over and over again. I really can't take it anymore and I think I'll eventually become insane. I always thought I was straight, but I always had this problem that I would not cum with girls. Then one day, i read something in a forum that like "if you're not disgusted by the thought of having sex with a man, you're gay" and then it hit me and didn't let me go until today. From that day, I started watching gay porn, comparing it to lesbian and the straight porn I usually watched etc. The different level of arousal was extremely frightening. I went and am still going through phases where I think how some of my quite homophobic friends will react when I tell them and then, there are moments where I see a sex pic involving a girl and get horny as hell or see a girl on facebook and start creeping on her profile. Sometimes, I sit there and watch porn without touching myself, checking how my penis reacts, and it usually gets hard pretty quickly on porn involving a girl and usually not at all with gay porn. But when I masturbate to gay porn, it goes quicker and is more intense. Same goes for fantasy, but in fantasy, it always changes back and forth, the guy transforms into a girl, I become top and submissive etc. it really messes with my mind and I masturbation is no longer something pleasurable for me. Over time watching gay porn, my attention was drawn more and more to guy's cracks and when seeing men on the street, i sometimes imagine what his crack looks like, things that really mess with my mind. I could go on for hours but what I want to say is that this kind of "finding out objectively" didn't help me at all and I don't know what to do anymore.
I often masturbate over girls whom I think are very beautiful. I'm jealous of their sexy bodies It's weird and confusing, to me just like it is for you. Since you aren't thinking anything sexually about the guys you're not gay.
I honestly, I think you imagined yourself as that guy being being with your girl and stuff. Or having his physique and looking like him and being with your girl. It's quite common among people I know of. I imagine myself as other people all the time. I think, you are totally straight. But how you described it, if somebody walked into the room as you did that. They might get the wrong idea. Nah, dude. You have nothing to freak out about.
wow.. so many ideas here they're right.. it is what it is about the i-just-masturbated-over-a-guy issue though, only you could really tell.. i used to have that kind of feeling too when i was younger and i see sexy male models.. i would tell myself "i only admire his body and i'm only jealous of his body, and it's not really sexual attraction" as an excuse (i was really young back then anyway, and i only liked men), i was denying it at first because i don't really know what my feelings mean since i'm only a kid.. but i had to accept later that it is what it is, i'm gay.. but that's just me.. i don't know if that's what's happening with you right now, though i think not.. but if you actually like men, that would not make you gay anyway, since you like girls too, technically it will make you bi.. and hey, there's nothing wrong with being bi or gay.. and like the others said, no need to be guilty anyway, i hope you find the answer and be happy whatever it is, after all you know your self more than anybody
Note that you said that you did what I suggested... but what it appears you did instead was to watch gay and straight porn. And that isn't what I suggested. Porn is an extremely powerful stimulus, and some people are aroused indiscriminately by both gay and straight porn. Which is why, when I suggest this process, I always advise not watching porn at all and not fantasizing about porn you've watched. In order to have a reliable gauge on where your orientation is, you need to masturbate without porn, using the fantasies your mind creates. If you've only masturbated to porn, it may take some time and patience to re-orient your arousal pathways to using fantasy instead of visual stimulation. But this is an important part. If you do this, and masturbate fantasizing alternately about men and then about women, and also try masturbating with no particular fantasies in mind and see where your mind naturally wanders, you'll have a much clearer picture. From what you have described above, it sounds pretty clearly like you're much more strongly aroused to men, which points to your being gay or on the gay side of bi, but doing the above exercise will help you get more clarity.
I do masturbate without porn as well. But many of my fantasies involve old porn i have watched, it's very hard for me not to. What makes it weird for me though is: how does this fixation evolve the longer i watch this kind of porn? I mean, guys were in the porn i used to watch and still watch since what, like 10 years? And I never wanted to see their bodies or their nether regions. You may not have read it, but I'll quote myself for you: "Same goes for fantasy, but in fantasy, it always changes back and forth, the guy transforms into a girl, I become top and submissive etc." In my fantasies, it changes, some days it's the one thing and on others it's the other thing. Usually, when I just got "reassurance" I am not gay, I fantasize about girls and the other way around when I'm scared and depressed. I know you pretty much always tell people in this forum that they are probably gay or whatever and probably sometimes rightly so but that's not what matters to me right now, I just want to get out of this situation of having to think about my sexual orientation all the time, my mood and everything I do revolve around that, every day.
Sorry I missed that. What I picked up was the dominant theme that you are making the evaluations mostly on your porn use, which isn't a reliable indicator. One of the exercises that Lexington often suggests, which I think is an awesome one, is to take a couple of days and just imagine that you're gay, that you've accepted yourself as gay, and to start behaving, internally, like you're gay. Give yourself the freedom to masturbate to guys and only guys, to look at guys asses or whatever parts attract you and be turned on by them, to walk around in a mall or beach or somewhere and imagine being with this-or-that guy. And after that, do the same imagining you're entirely straight, and do all the same things, but with girls. Usually that exercise gives a lot more clarity. What I think I hear is there's a pretty strong attraction to guys, but there's a very, very strong resistance to the idea of being gay. And conscious and unconscious are fighting about it because you don't want to accept that, and If that's the case, then the constant struggle is going to be there, probably on a daily basis, until you come to terms with what the attraction and arousal means. Also, keep in mind that accepting a loss (in this case, loss of identity as straight) involves going through stages: denial, anger, bargaining, grief, acceptance. Sometimes people get stuck in denial or bargaining for years. I can't say what's going on for you, but that might be something worth considering.
Thank you, I will try that out. Who is Lexington? Can you send me a link or something? That would be nice.
Those are the excusing I made when i was 13-15 and denying that i could be gay, the lack of desire to be in a relationship with a man is more of a fear of being gay where you spend less time with men than even straight guys (cold turkey towards other males) many gay guys make up a million and one excuses why there are 100% percent straight when they are gayer than bisexual guys who accept themselves. The attraction to strong male figures is one of the oldest lines in the book(almost a cliche) ironically there are many straight people who have close romantic non sexual relationships such as bromance and women who call each other girlfriends funny thing is I never look up straight porn to find a woman who has the traits of a good wife, or ever look at woman for just superficial attraction either, there is nothing, naked women, clothed women, strong female figures all turn me off sexually and romantically. Yet I love to talk to girls and admire there fashion sense and i prefer female celebrities because they are more exciting.
Thanks for the suggestions - I just came back because I did the same thing again... As a previous poster mentioned, I 'do it' and then close my browser and that's it...nothing. I only found myself looking at how thin the male was and how aggressive he was moving...I didn't imagine any sexual thoughts. The fact people are mentioning that they used to tell themselves that they just 'looked at the body' and are now gay - well that terrifies me. I don't want to be with a man, sure I do a lot comparison work and yes I can determine when a guy is attractive - but there's absolutely no actual attraction...no desire to have sex with or to kiss - I do nothing more than envy them. With my girlfriend, all I do is lay with her or kiss her several times before I start to get increasingly hard - and with Valentines coming up I am intending on 'spicing up' the night ahead because I actually want to have sex with her. Obviously I am still somewhat young but I just can't understand why I do these kind of things, when I have a girlfriend? Maybe it was because I was super horny that I could get off to anything - like a previous poster also mentioned. I have offered the label 'bisexual' and 'gay' to myself in my head, but it never matches my feelings - whereas when I tell myself I am straight I am much more content. I used to watch gay porn when I was younger, though I don't now - and I rarely watch porn as a whole anyway. I used to masturbate over men (again, there were no sexual thoughts) at a higher rate than I did over women - but now it is extremely easy (and more pleasurable) when I masturbate to the thought of having sex with my girlfriend... Whether or not that will actually help people suggest further, I don't know. Though from the response I've been given, I appreciate it all.
