Hey! So... I hadn't posted in a while, because for like a week and a half, I had been feeling pretty good about myself. But about 2 days ago, the questioning started again, and I feel as though I'm drowning in my own thoughts. I guess I should give you guys a little backstory, and I'm going to try to keep this short, I promise! So, basically, I've always been straight. My friends say that I was probably born talking about guys, because that's how crazy I am about them. I've never felt anything towards girls, like ever, and I wouldn't want to date one either! A month ago, I started feeling very uneasy because I woke up one day and thought "what if you're gay?" and my anxiety just went crazy. I kept telling myself that I couldn't be, etc... and I still think that I'm not! I'm just confused as to why I keep thinking "what if you are?" So, anyways... yesterday, I started feeling uneasy again, and it just feels plain awful. Now... I had a pretty strange dream last night, so, because I do believe that dreams mean something, I have an app (Dream Moods) in which you type something that appeared in your dream, and it gives you like... the possible meaning of it. And I guess I got pretty freaked out because I dreamt about a house, and it says "If you see messy/and or depilated houses, it implies that an aspect of your own life is in chaos. You may be suffering from some psychological clutter" -- (anxiety that comes with questioning, maybe? I don't understand) Then, the people who had sold me the house (in the dream) broke in just to look around and they wouldn't leave! and the app says... "To dream that your house is broken into indicates that some subconscious material is attempting to make itself known. There are some aspects of yourself that you have denied." What does this mean? I'm not gay! I also don't want to be (I know there's nothing wrong with being gay, but I really do want to marry a man, and have kids with him... I can't see myself with a girl. I don't feel that way about them, nor do I want to.) but I'm not sure if my dream is telling me that maybe I am denying that I'm gay? I don't know what to think... Does it mean anything? I'm so confused, it's killing me inside. -- Also, I dreamt about a cottage! And the app says a completely different thing about what it means, and it makes a LOT of sense because of recent... occurrences. But a cottage is kind of like a house? So when I looked for the meaning, I freaked out, because... I'm not sure if it means anything.
I do not think you are gay. You have not described having any sexual or romantic feelings towards girls, and to me, it basically looks like this questioning came out of nowhere. It seems that it is simply a product of your own anxiety. Have you been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder? Because irrational fears are a common symptom. And this fear definitely seems irrational, because in the way you have described yourself, there is literally no indication that you are gay. You sound very straight. As for your dream, the "psychological clutter" piece is probably based on this irrational anxiety that tell you you might be gay (even though there is no actual indication of it). As for the "subconscious material" part, I thinks it's very unlikely that this is because you're denying that you're gay, because I don't think you are.
I agree with the above comment. Having the odd dream or fantasy here or there doesn't necessarily mean anything by itself.
You're over analyzing your dream. It's true that dreams could mean something, but it doesn't conclude that it means everything. It's the same with porn. Just because a straight guy watches gay porn it doesn't put him in the gay category. Porn in itself has many reasons as to why people watch it, and even then that's a different story. Have you considered that these are just thoughts? And that since your mind is always obsessing over these thoughts, that's all your mind can subconsciously think of? I sense a lot of anxiety in your post, which is like adding fuel to the fire; the more anxiety you have, the more obsessive your thoughts will be. You need to target your anxiety and find methods to deal with it, which should in turn draw the fuel away from the flame. I take deep breaths and focus on the breathing which helps. Another thing I do is to just accept the thoughts that I have with older men but realize that when I think about things like that, my mind is in fantasyland, not reality. Another method I use is when I have these obsessive thoughts about older men sexually, I begin talking to them in order to allow the obsessive thought go and say "Hey, go talk to that guy and the thoughts will go away", and it does. Cheers!
I agree with the above, I see no reason to think that you're gay at all, since you're not attracted to women romantically or sexually. Dreams can mean something but sometimes it's really hard to tell what. Your mind isn't suddenly going to "make you" gay when you don't really have gay desires at all. (Just as an aside I dream about houses and apartments all the time. Often I dream that I'm living somewhere and I find extra rooms I didn't know about.)
Thank you guys so much for replying! this helped a lot. I was diagnosed a few years ago with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and was taking medication because of it and everything. I have come to the conclusion, though, that this is all a cause of my anxiety and that it will hopefully pass soon. But... this "calm", I guess, only lasts about a day or so, because tomorrow, I'll probably start questioning myself once again, even though I feel no emotional or physical attraction to anyone of the same sex. I guess sometimes this thought creeps in my mind and goes "but... maybe you're just in the closet like way too deep and you're denying yourself you have feelings for these girls" I know it's not true, but.. it still causes me a lot of emotional distress.
