Hello all, I'm 25 and I've been very curious about my own sexuality for awhile now so I guess I'll try and unpack it and see what people think. It's hard to know where to start even. I think of myself as straight and as far as "all-the-way" sexual intercourse goes, I think I'm exclusively interested in women. At the same time I don't really feel driven to seek out sex with a girl. I was raised in a family that taught that all sex outside of marriage is immoral and evil, and in my opinion I think this kind of stuffed out my yearning for sex (although I've been on and off the medication Zoloft many times throughout my life which significantly lowers your sex drive, I've just recently come off of it). Part of it also is that I've never had sexual intercourse with anyone icon_redf) and so maybe I'm just naive and don't know what sex is like so I'm not attracted to it. At the same time though, and where the complicated part starts, is I do have yearnings to participate in certain fetishes that I've had since a young age. Bondage is a huge one, I often desire to be tied up and gagged by people around my own age. It is arousing but I don't desire sex as part of it. I like it even if the one tying me is a guy, in fact I almost prefer it. I feel almost "protected" by the person, it's very hard to explain. I also have a fetish for underwear and love the sight of people in underwear, either male or female, as well as being seen in my underwear. I'm not sure what this is motivated by, I actually like the sight of people in their underwear far better than totally naked, especially guys. In addition, I'll admit I've been somewhat attracted to guys my own age, though sort of on an emotional level more than a physical one. I think theyre physcially attractive but I don't desire to have sex with them, I just desire to become emotionally intimate. Be their close friend and maybe get tied up with them if I'm lucky Soo I guess I might possibly be bisexual though I'm not sure about that for the reasons mentioned, as well as somewhat asexual with a low desire for sex. I feel pretty isolated and alone a lot of the time because I can never find anyone who feels the same way, either online or in person. Thank you for reading, I'm interested to hear people unpack my dribble, haha
interesting first of all, if ever you're bisexual (or even gay), there's nothing wrong with that personally, i think sex is not the only one that defines sexuality.. i've been around forums, chat sites and even porn sites for some time now where i meet different kind of people.. gay, straight, bi and everything in between, we really don't have enough labels to name them all.. based on my experience (mostly chatting with them), sexuality is really complex, like let's take bi's for example.. there are bi guys who prefer girls and there are bi guys who prefer boys.. there are bi guys who are emotionally attracted to boys, but there are also some who are only sexually attracted to boys.. there are bi guys who like feminine boys just like the girls they like, and there are bi guys who like masculine boys which is exactly different from the girls they like.. i don't know which exactly you identify with, but you see, the point is, it is what it is, you can be any color in the spectrum about the fetishes, they sound pretty normal.. at least for me i am a gay guy and i am physically and emotionally attracted to men (though i don't have any sex experience yet too).. but hey, if i wouldn't be sexually attracted to men like you are and only keep the emotional aspect, i would still consider myself gay because it's male affection that i want and that defines my sexuality, not who i want to sleep with.. it's a man who i want to be intimate with, cuddle with, care for, it's a man that makes me feel "protected" like you said and all.. in short, it's men that i love at some levels, there's just difference between sex and romance, but both defines sexuality.. not just because it's called "SEXuality" doesn't mean it's really all about sex on the other hand, it may be as well because of your family? some gay guys, specially when they're younger, will say that they are attracted to men because they had father issues and they want some sort of a father figure, but they will realize later that it is more than that.. i hope that makes some things clearer somehow.. but anyway, it's all up to you - you know your self more than anyone i support whatever makes you happy
Thanks Melvin, I liked your thoughtful answer Absolutely, there'd be nothing wrong with being bi or gay. The only stressor to me would be the social hardships and burdens that come along with identifying as anything non-straight. I think there's a significant chance that I'm biromantic like you mentioned. Not that there's anything wrong with that though. Very interesting that you bring up a relationship with one's father in the world of sexuality. I lost my dad in a road accident when I was 16, and I have indeed longed for a father figure or male figure of some kind in my life since then. I'm sure that has affected me in ways that I dont consciously realize.
I am sort of on your side of things Chameleon. I too was brought up in a household like yours. Im on that brink of low libido, confused, no experience, possibly bisexual, possible asexual. Overall im prety confused like you but aslo very scared.
Nice to see someone who can empathize hehe Why are you scared though? I don't think theres anything for us to be scared of (*hug*)
anytime buddy i agree with the social pressure though.. but there are a lot of other things in life for you to appreciate while you're not out yet or while you haven't figured out your sexuality yet.. you have your family, your school or work, and of course your friends i'm lucky to have great friends that i don't mind hiding my sexuality at all, though i'd very much love to travel someday and find someone special to spend my life with too :'> i'm sorry to hear about your father.. and by the way that you're longing for a male figure, you must have been close to your dad.. and you know parents, they are always there to love you.. i know there's nothing really that can replace them, and yes we experience problems, but please know that you always have someone to share those with all i'm saying is, there are a lot of things to enjoy Chameleon, and you also SoulSearcher.. so keep it positive you guys
When it comes to father issues, it's different for everyone. I have a terrible relationship with my father. Thing is, I never saw him as my father. I saw him as a woman because of how feminine acting he was. Not really a man in my book, and he LOVES arguing, so I barely talk to him because a simple conversation can turn into a madhouse. On the contrary, my mom is more of a man, since she's independent and doesn't complain about this and that, etc. So for my whole life, I never really had a father role model, despite having a dad in the house. He's emotionally insecure, and boy do I always fear that someday I'll become like him. Scares the living hell out of me. Melvin's response provided a lot of crucial insight. We are not defined by who we sleep with, we are defined by who we fall in love with. So, sex in general is obviously great, but it isn't the main reason that anyone identifies as a certain orientation.
Thanks for the answer Jax Stinks when fathers are problematic figures. If I become a father someday I hope to be an excellent one.
