I'm a lesbian, born into a hideously racist, sexist, homophobic, conservative house. I won't find acceptance here. Not now, not ever. I have dreams of the future, of living in a nice apartment. Of changing my name, and having this whole new life. I have this whole little world that I dream about. One where I have a great job, and I look really pretty, and I have this really kind, loving, compassionate wife. A beautiful daughter, with black hair, blue eyes, and the worlds brightest smile. I dream about this world and just try to drag myself through reality. Sometimes I try and make a dream, where I tell my mother and she is loving and accepting, but when I do, it just feels so, artificial, and just, impossible to the point of stupidity. And even though it does, I still want it, and I know I can never happen, I can't even get it in my dreams, I just feel so -*defeated* and sometimes, I can feel it all crushing me down, and all the anger, and hurt, and heartbreak just shredding me up inside. It won't happen, I'll never find acceptance, or warmth, or love here. I didn't even want it, but I'm afraid of leaving forever like I plan to, and not having that. Now that the rant and explaining is over, do you think, that maybe its possible, that I can really live without it?
First ever post here so I'm a little nervous but here goes. I can relate to you. I had the same fears that my family would not accept me for being gay. That they would look at me with disgust and turn away. And even though some family members have shown support I still have fears for those who still do not know. But about a year ago I made friends that would accept me and love me for who I am. They are lesbians so they can relate to the struggles of being gay and befriending them led me to meet more gay people. Having their support taught me the importance of looking for love and acceptance outside of your family. Can you survive without the love and acceptance of your family. Yes! I honestly rely on them for more emotional support than I do my family because they understand me. And there are "gay families". Groups of gay friends that watch out for each other and take care of one another. They are a part of one and through them I am too. So I am never without friends:icon_redf Bottom line sometimes our families suck and we have to make our own family.(*hug*)
