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Gay or bi?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by TheAnon32, Jan 29, 2015.

  1. TheAnon32

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    Im 16 years old and i honestly don't know whether im bi or im gay. I so badly want to bi so that i could at least not have to come out if i meet a girl but it Im not sure what i am. I am not repulsed by girls in any way but i am definately atracted to guys and i don't know if its because of hormones and the fact that i am always around guys as i am in an all boys high school and a boy scout. I have experimented with porn and i am aroused by some gay porn or shirtless hot guys but i am also aroused by straight porn but only if both the man and the women are attractive (preferably the man). I could see myself being a top but not a bottom and im not sure how i feel about having sex with a women. What does this all mean?
     
  2. Jax12

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    You shouldn't use porn as a way to "check" if you're of a certain orientation. Porn itself cannot prove to you what you'll experience in reality. Having sex with someone is completely different than having sex with someone that you're in love with (is how my psychologist put's it). In porn, all the pubic hair is gone, etc. But in reality, it's probably not!

    I've watched porn for 7 years, and it's made me believe that I'm gay, when really I'm not. Now how did I come to this conclusion?

    I never had feelings for guys. They were always my friends, and nothing more than that.
     
  3. TheAnon32

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    The thing is i do have romantic feelings for one of my guy friends and i just dont know what to do with them. I mean ive likes girls in the past and im not turned off by them but im not exactly turned on either.
     
  4. Composerbpc

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    I say play it out by ear. I agree that porn should not be the determining factor, sex is often attractive, no matter the gender. And porn is FAR from realistic, the porn actors spend hours upon hours redoing scenes and it's not really like the actual experience of sex. Now as for your attractions, I'd say that if you have feelings for one of your guy friends, which I think is bot just from exposure it's because you're genuinely attracted to him, then that's fine! I can't tell you how to act on those feeling one because I don't know your situation and two I'm not you. If you told me situation I might be able to give you some suggestions, but if you don't want to share that information, then that's fine too. I'd say your neutral reaction to girls is normal for many people. I think I've had tiny crushes on girls before because I really liked their personalities, even though I identify as gay. So I think it's not really worth it to put a label on yourself, just think of how you feel and see what that tells you.
     
  5. TheAnon32

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    ok the story with my guy friend is that i do have strong feelings toward him but i dont know if hes gay or bi but he's probably straight. Im 16 he's 18 and a year ahead of me in school. We go the the same catholic all boys high school (bad for a guy questioning his sexuality). Honestly i am so depressed around him because i want to confess my feelings but im afraid of A)- him rejecting me and risk losing him as a friend (i dont have many),
    B)- Him rejecting me and telling people about my feeings or
    C)- both.
    Im not ready to come out because i dont know how to deal with it and i dont know what i am yet but i do really want a relationship with him.
    :bang:
     
  6. Composerbpc

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    I was in a similar situation actually. I went to catholic school for 7th and 8th grade, and I had the hugest crush on my best friend (a guy obviously) and I couldn't tell him. I had no idea how he'd react, plus I was in a catholic school. Actually, I'm gay AND atheist, so THAT is not a good combination to have when you go to catholic school, so I had a lot of hiding to do. But, this might help reassure you a little, when I came out to said best friend after I graduated from 8th grade, a few days after, he was totally fine with it and said it didn't change our friendship. Everyone reacts differently though, so I can't say how the guy you like will react. But I say wait until you're ready. I know it's tough because I really wanted a relationship so bad with my best friend in middle school I really wanted to just kiss him lmao but I knew that wasn't an option. So I played it safe and told him after Graduation. So I say that you should definitely continue to be his friend. Also, it might help if you know his stance on LGBT people, even though you go to catholic school. Just ask him one day you're curious about what he thinks about LGBT people and rights. If he gives you a positive reaction, I'm sure he won't unfriend you if you come out. If he gives a negative reaction, maybe just give him a few reasons why there's nothing wrong with being LGBT, see if he changes his mind (although if he's deep in his religion then there's probably little hope changing his mind). I hope this helps and I hope all goes well for you. If you have any more questions or updates on the situation, please feel free to post. (*hug*) Good luck to you!
     
  7. TheAnon32

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    thanks that really helped me :slight_smile:
     
  8. Composerbpc

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    I'm glad I could help! (!)
     
  9. TheAnon32

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    Your story is basically the same as mine as i am an atheist and i do want to just kiss him when i am just talking to him. What i wanted to know was how did you cope with these feelings or how did you deal with them until you told him because it just hurts so much.