First off I would like to truly apologize for writing essay length posts! I am quite aware that a lot of my queries here have been unanswered and I have an inkling that it is because of the lengthy posts but I simply want to let everything on my mind out in hopes that someone, even one person, could possibly help. SORRY once again! Here is a gist of what I'm saying that someone else's asked if you're interested in reading it first http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-discussions/69953-gay-male-turning-bisexual.html I identify as a homoromantic demisexual but overall, a large part of me feels comfortable, and for simplicity sake, in labeling myself as Gay. I don't believe I have actually been attracted to women before, physically, romantically or emotionally. In fact, I feel I am totally vacant when it comes to harboring an emotional and romantic attraction That being said, I am going through an incredibly bizarre and mentally straining time where I go through spells of anxiety and I become convinced that I have mislabeled myself and in fact I am bisexual. Anything related to Bisexual men triggers my anxiety and I start doubting and second guessing myself to the point where I am so exhausted, I want to break down in tears and just give up. During these spells, I am tempted to watch straight porn in attempts to get a physical reaction at which point my mind will try to persuade me that I indeed am bisexual. Recurring thoughts include "straight sex appears/feels more comfortable and natural than gay sex and therefore it is right so you should accept it" as well as "you spent so long stressing over being gay but actually you've been fooled, you're bisexual so you missed out on such much by stressing" I also weirdly feel very envious of Bisexual men over my own preconceived notion that they are able to experience both sides of life, being part of the heteronormativity of life as well as the gay side. Actual straight sex really does not arouse me but watching cunnilingus acts as well as close up pictures of female genitalia does arouse me a tad bit to the point where I have a fleeting thought that says "I'm curious to try that" but overall, I feel like everything I am during my state of anxiety is forced and abnormal, nothing feels natural whatsoever. After my anxious spells are gone I feel different and I am refocused on my idea of romance and love for the same sex. I want to know, is there a stage in the coming out process where a gay person tosses back and forth the idea of being gay and bisexual? I have always been attracted to men emotionally and romantically and in terms of physically, I find them to be incredibly appealing and I've had a ton of crushes on men since forever. I just never really thought about sex much growing up and even now the idea of anal sex doesn't really do much for me nor does male genitalia most of the time but that being said, I'm not repulsed by any of that and I'll definitely participate in it to please a future partner. Weirdly, other male body parts turn me on like crazy! I have a ton of fetishes and I find male faces, feet, hands, pecs and armpits incredibly sexually arousing. I really do not understand what is wrong with me. Am I really bisexual or is this some kind of internalized guilt over being gay? I do fret,fear and worry that life as a gay man will not be easy for me. I personally don't feel I am visible or safe anywhere nor do I have anyone I can confide in about who I am, my experiences, my fears or thoughts. I have this dread in me that if I end up bisexual, I would somewhat being deceitful and duplicitous to family members because they will never understand it and even if I am more inclined towards men, they'll used that logic "well if you're also inclined to women as well, no ifs and or buts, you very well could end up with a woman if you tried, you just haven't met her yet. A lot of what I am going through does fit into Homosexual OCD, ie compulsive thinking and such about orientation , but I don't have signs of OCD so I am just so confused. Could someone, anyone help me? I would be so grateful to hear a response because I tell you life since the start of 2014 has been the worst for me and the mental anguish has been torture.
I've had this confusion rather recently as well. After identifying as gay for almost ten years, I started to feel attracted to women. It started as one or two iscolated cases, but then it's grown into the stage where I am aroused by a number of women. I still prefer men but for me there is no longer denying that I like women as well. I saught advice on here a few weeks ago, and having looked at some other posts too, it seems that it does happen. Some people, having identified as homosexual, later start having feelings for the opposite gender too. As I've found, sexuality can be fluid in some people and it changes throughout their life. I also worry that if I came out as bisexual to peple (a few know, but not many), it would confuse them as they've known me as 'gay' for many years. So on that part, I'm in the same boat as you are. It does sound as though you are still debating in your mind which sexuality you are, but that being anxious is making exploring it more difficult. Though I will say this..... There is nothing wrong with you
Thank you for your feedback, my case is weird because I just never was attracted to women before and same even now. Women are "pretty" but they're not sexually alluring the way men are. Even in an aesthetic sense men look beyond just "handsome", they do something to me, whilst women are merely standard book definition pretty. It's just the genetalia that maybe makes me curious that's all so idk aren't Bisexuals, even latent ones, have an inkling earlier on that they do have a tad attraction to women more than sexually? Idk tbh I just don't think I am bisexual, do you think I am a kinsey 5 maybe?
From that it sounds as though you admire a good looking woman, but aren't attracted to them. So it doesn't sound as though you are bisexual. I think Beyonce is beautiful and I admire her, but not attracted to her. Though for me, I had no incling until sometime in 2013. For some people it works that way. I've also heard of people who were straight for many years with no homosexual attractions until middle age. Don't force bisexual feelings on to yourself if they are not there, through fear of missing out. If you only like men, enjoy men.
so, i'm "attracted" to women who exhibit masculine energy. I have a weird non sexual crushes on Sarah Paulson, Jessica Lange, Angelina Jolie, Michelle Visage, Elizabeth Hurly, Gilian Anderson, and Katie Price. Not really for their looks, they're all aesthetically pretty and beautiful though, but more so I really want to hang out with them and be around them LOL So it's more of an emotional/energy kind of attraction rather than sexual. I like women who are strong and up front, if they unabashedly say "I have a cock and I'm not afraid to use it" lol and ironically I by no means find pegging videos appealing lol I do feel like I force them at times, it was horrible a year ago because I got into this long winded phase where whenever I was in public I would force myself to look ant women, absolutely any age, and ask myself if they were sexually attractive to me, it sounds utterly ludacris but that's the mind state I was in. I got past that though when I began to busy myself in university and other activities. Right now I'm in a rut where I'm on vacation and I've cooped myself up at home with little much to do so I've reverted back to my old self. I have an inclination that this is all anxiety related and my fears of being gay/family finding out about me. I do want to contest that notion of straight people "suddenly" finding out they are also attracted to the same sex in their middle age, I don't personally believe anyone suddenly shifts like that, there had to be a point where they felt they were attracted to both genders but as they matured they found one side dominating the other, almost masking it until it awakes from it's dormancy years later, just my take on it. Thank you for your lovely feedback though I appreciate it!
I don't believe it would be sudden when people find out later life, but I do believe that some people have no incling of it until middle age, then it sublty creeps up on them. Admittedly, when it comes to women, I like strong women too. Both sexually and non sexually. Not into the really girly girly girls. It's usually the strong women that draw me to them both as friends and sexually. They are the girls I find myself wanting to hang out with and getting on well with. And you are very welcome
Weirdly enough I think about that way when it comes to men, I usually love to be dominated by a hot masculine sexy guy but then I have my phases where I really LOVE effeminate skinny men ie; twinks. Killer combination is a rugged,masculine looking guy with an effeminate voice, that drives me WILD (!)
I'm not into effeminate men personally, but I do like a lot of sorts of guys. The ones who are a bit older and masculine who like to dominate, a little rugged perhaps... But I also have a soft spot for younger sweet guys who look as though they are too nice to even hurt a fly. Yet when it comes to women, I like the idea of her being the boss.
funnily enough I don't like older, almost approaching a decade older or so years, because idk I just have had bad experiences where they have ended up treating me like a silly boy toy and not taking anything I said/did seriously. I like slightly older men but not too old, approaching silver daddy status nuh huh haa, I'm not too drawn to over the top effeminate men but I do like those whose effeminacy is subtle but noticeable, I think it's the voice that does me in, that gay voice is actually a turn on to me At the end of the day though if I click with a guy, I click with him and that's all that matters
All very true. It only matters to click with someone, no matter what they look like or their age. Though generally I don't find myself attracted to guys in their 40s and above. I was in a relationship with a guy 5 years older once (but I was 21, so I'm older now than he was then) and he was just as silly and daft as though he was a teenager. Though I have been on dates with a few guys more than 5 years older than me, and in some cases I did get the feeling I was being patronised. Of course that isn't true of all older guys though. But yeah, when it comes to guys, more than 10 years older is hard for me to be attracted to. But a few years is ok
very true! I was crushing on a guy older than me by 4 years, 28, and at first I really enjoyed crushing on someone older, I've usually fallen for guys slightly younger before, because I went into that infatuated with a preconceived notion that older men will be somewhat level headed, mature and practical but ugh he seemed as you put it "daft and immature" so idk I think it's about finding a balance
Indeed. And there will always be things about anyone that you don't like. It's about finding a balance. But it is true that not all older guys are level headed. It can be a weird balance to find, as you don't want someone too immature whatever their age, but at the same time, you don't want someone who will look down on you because they percieve you to be immature either. I think what made it worse with some of the older guys in my case is that they were both university graduates in good well paid skilled careers and I am not (office admin for me), which gave them another added thing to look down on me. Like I was some young dumb guy who knows nothing.
yes exactly! I guess I am just looking for a genuine humble guy who accepts me for whatever I am, anxiety issues and all. I do feel as men, gay and bi, I'm guessing, get older they start scrutinizing way too much, just as the younger ones which is weird lol
