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If people question their sexuality, is it likely they're not straight as they think??

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by SubZero, Jan 30, 2015.

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  1. SubZero

    SubZero
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    The reason why I'm asking is because I'm one of those people. All my life I've been attracted to females and was sure I'm straight, but once the age of 18 hit (I'm 21 now) I started getting aroused by certain types of gay porn. Ever since then, my life's been like a roller coaster. Sometimes, I'm sure I'm straight and picture being with a woman and other times I think I might be gay. It's very complicated for me because I'll only get aroused by guys under certain circumstances, as well as women.

    If I'm sexually confused, is it likely that I'm probably more so gay than straight? Do people (whether gay, bi, or straight) ever question their sexuality? And if they do, were they right or wrong about what they thought their sexuality was beforehand? I'm still unsure of what sexuality I am truly. I'm trying to reach some sort of conclusion, but I'm still in that "questioning phase".

    Any personal experiences on this issue?
     
    #1 SubZero, Jan 30, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2015
  2. ellyy

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    Re: If people question their sexuality, is it likely they're not straight as they thi

    Are you questioning your sexuality only because some gay porn arouses you? If that's the case I can tell you that the type of porn you like is not equivalent to your sexuality. So, you liking some gay porn doesn't necessarily mean that you're gay.

    As for your question I would say that most people who are straight don't question their sexuality because we obviously live in a world where heterosexuality is considered to be the norm, so straight people usually don't feel out of place in the world in terms of their sexuality. Because of that I'd say that most people who question their sexuality might not be completely straight. But of course there are instances that can make a straight person question themselves and I think it's pretty common to be bi-curious. Perhaps especially in your teens when people's hormones tend to be all over the place plus some people are just more open and curious to trying new things.
     
    #2 ellyy, Jan 30, 2015
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  3. ForNarnia

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    Re: If people question their sexuality, is it likely they're not straight as they thi

    From what I've seen, a lot of people think they aren't straight because of the porn they watch, which is completely wrong. The porn you like doesn't dictate your sexuality at all.
    Some straight men watch lesbian porn, but it doesn't make them a lesbian. Some gay guys and girls watch straight porn, it doesn't make them straight. It's the same for gay porn :slight_smile:
    It might be a dominance thing, I dunno, but porn doesn't dictate who you are.

    However, if you are experiencing attraction to men in real life, or could see yourself being in a relationship with one, then the chances are that you're not entirely straight.
    Questioning doesn't make you any less straight, unless you identify differently in the end.

    If you say you get aroused by guys in certain circumstances, what would these circumstances be?
    And do you feel like you are more attracted to men, or women, or feel equally towards the two?
     
    #3 ForNarnia, Jan 30, 2015
  4. SubZero

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    Re: If people question their sexuality, is it likely they're not straight as they thi

    Thanks for your input and I agree with you. Doubts have been crawling in my mind lately and I'm probably am not as straight as I considered myself to be (which is perfectly fine). It's just hard to reach a definite conclusion as to which sexuality I am. I guess I have a lot of figuring out to do...

    Thanks for your reply. I know porn isn't a good indicator of one's sexual orientation, but it's still very confusing for me.

    And when I say "under certain circumstances," I'm referring to an odd 'fetish' I seem to have (which I'm kind of embarrassed by). I've made a thread yesterday if you would like to read: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexua...-one-category-gay-porn-turns-me-am-i-gay.html

    In short, I've never felt any emotional attraction to guys in real life or thought of having gay sex (or being with a man for that matter), but I still get aroused when certain guys are...in bondage :icon_sad:. It seems that that's the only time when I get turned on by guys. Otherwise, I get turned on by women and prefer to be intimate with one. That's why I'm stressing out about my sexual orientation. :tantrum:
     
    #4 SubZero, Jan 30, 2015
  5. Chip

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    Re: If people question their sexuality, is it likely they're not straight as they thi

    Generally speaking, someone who is completely straight will question themselves for about 30 seconds and figure out they have zero attraction to the same sex. Of course, that's a generalization, but it does tend to be the case.

    Porn, as already stated, isn't a good indicator. A much better indicator is masturbating without porn, and in separate sessions, alternately fantasizing about guys and then about girls, and seeing how your body responds. Keep in mind that if you have a strong response to fantasizing about guys, and (like most of us first processing this) it isn't what you want, you're likely to have a strong revulsion after ejaculation. That has no bearing on your orientation; what does is what arouses you.

    Another method that can help to clarify things is masturbating, again without porn, and letting your mind wander without giving any thought to it and just seeing what images and thoughts come to mind.

    Usually if you practice those techniques a few times, a fairly clear pattern will emerge.
     
    #5 Chip, Jan 30, 2015
  6. Jax12

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    Re: If people question their sexuality, is it likely they're not straight as they thi

    I'm curious, how long have you been watching porn? I've been watching porn for the past 7 years of my life, and so it's definitely got it's severe consequences with it.

    I watched many types of porn, but the one I always turned to the most is ones that involve good looking older men. For people who watch or have a constant urge to watch porn, attempt to fill something that was missing in their lives when they were younger, or reenact something that they can remember in their mind. That's why not everyone watches porn. They know of it, but do not watch it as often as those of us who do. I believe that in my case, I've instilled a set of ideals on myself of what would be the perfect father figure, which is why I look at older men in a sexual standpoint because sexual dominance results in pride, confidence, respect, etc, something I've always craved.

    I am able to distinguish between sexual admiration and sexual attraction because in the end I've never had feelings for a guy, and never once have I question my orientation until my first relationship ended.

    Continuing the use of porn only creates pathways for your brain to "get off" to the material you watch. Whether you find the act of gay porn arousing or honestly find gay porn arousing does not matter. In the end, your brain is only able to provide arousal from a "just sex" standpoint. Therefore, especially in today's society, many people who are confused will base their conclusion of evidence that stemmed from pure sexual appeal. You look at nearly every thread made in this section, and you'll see that male and female genitalia are brought into question because it is common for people to discover their orientation based on sexual arousal.

    From what I've read on this forum, there are two kinds of people that question themselves (putting bisexuals aside for the sake of the topic):

    1). A man has feelings for men, and this makes him question himself because he realizes that he does not have these feelings for women. However, he does not know if this is just a stage or if he is truly gay.

    2). A man does not have feelings for other men, yet brings into question about how the pornography he watches may have something to do with his orientation, when really it doesn't.
     
    #6 Jax12, Jan 30, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2015
  7. Chip

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    Re: If people question their sexuality, is it likely they're not straight as they thi

    I don't think it's that simple as far as types of people who question themselves... there are a lot more variables:

    -- 1. Someone who has no objective reason to question sexual orientation (i.e, no indication whatsoever of same sex attraction), but for some reason, the question has come up.

    -- 2. Same as 1, but the questioning is driven by a neurotic, obsessive feeling that is completely irrational

    -- 3. Someone who has pretty strong objective reasons why they are questioning sexual orientation (attraction to same-sex people; masturbatory fantasies; reduced/little/no attraction to opposite sex, etc.

    -- 4. Same as 3, but with very, very strong denial going on, making it difficult to objectively look at themselves to accurately and reliably determine their orientation.

    The porn piece is probably there, but in the grand scale of things is usually pretty minor; most men who find gay porn significantly arousing have at least some attraction to men.

    And probably several dozen other variations.

    Also, for the record, someone who genuinely has feelings for men, but not women... is almost certainly gay. There isn't much in the research literature that supports the idea of a "stage" or "phase."
     
    #7 Chip, Jan 31, 2015
  8. ellyy

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    Re: If people question their sexuality, is it likely they're not straight as they thi

    I was just giving examples of people who might question themselves :slight_smile: Of course I do not know about all of them.
     
    #8 ellyy, Jan 31, 2015
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