So...I've been questioning my sexuality ever since I was 13 (I'm fifteen now). I remember one day I just randomly asked myself, "Am I gay? What if I'm gay?" and started freaking out. I never really thought much of that until now. What I'm feeling is kind of complicated. See, some days I think to myself: "Yeah, you're probably gay. If not, you're at least bisexual." And then other days I think: "No, you're totally straight, the 'gay' thing is all in your head." Some days I feel more gay than others, and I have no idea how to interpret what I'm feeling. I'll admit I've had romantic feelings for both genders. I've never truly felt sexual attraction, but I've definitely felt it towards woman (I'm a girl btw) and occasionally towards guys. You might be thinking, "Oh, that means you're bi!" But I keep thinking that everything I'm thinking might be a lie - does that even make sense? I start to think, what if all these gay thoughts are just getting to my head and I'm over-thinking? What if I'm actually just straight like everybody else? I really have no idea what to feel or think. I also have no idea if anything I just typed made any sense at all. :bang:
This is pretty much my situation but like the guy version. But i didnt start questioning until now (19). Sometimes i feel one way, sometimes another, its so frustrating. I dont know what to think and i cant trust my own thoughts. We are in the same boat I wish we could figure it out, you are not alone.
Hey ActualMermaid, welcome to EC, As i said in another post: First thing to do: Calm down, slow down. There is no need to rush to discover your orientation. This is about you and yourself, so take your time, there is no need to freak out. Calmly, think about yourself, your attractions, your fantasies. Do it slow, there is no need to rush. Do you feel attracted to men? What about women? Do you imagine yourself in a relationship with a man, woman, or sometimes a man and other times a woman? Do you fantasize about men/women? Answer these questions honestly, to yourself. Be calm, i repeat that because it is important to relax and do it slowly, calmly.
I am 24 now and when I was 13 I remember the panic. The answers were not clear to me until I was 18 and it all began to make sense. Give yourself all the time you need to learn about yourself. This is a life-long process and it can be super hard to cope with since we want to know so many things right away. It sounds like your attractions and interests are genuine so I would not doubt the validity of what you are experiencing. Your thoughts and experiences are not lies, they are unveiling the truths about who you are, which you are still in the process of discovering. The difficult part for me when I was a young person was not having a way of knowing for sure. Unfortunately there are no laboratory tests to tell us what and who we like. It would definitely make life simpler, wouldn't it? My questions for you are, are you okay with the attractions you experience? What would it mean to you if you were straight, gay, or bisexual? What are your personal thoughts on being any of those identities? Is there anyone you have a special connection with?
Hey, ActualMermaid! Chiroptera is right. What you need is a little introspection. Look into yourself. I don't mean you should go out in the wilderness, live in a cave and spend your entire life thinking about yourself. Just get to know yourself better. I suggest you keep a journal. Be aware of your thoughts and emotions, as well as your reactions throughout the day. Whenever something happens, for example you randomly feel attracted to a girl in class, write it down. Write down what you feel, what you find attractive about her, what you thought when you felt that way. Also try to notice the outer influences each day. For example on Saturday you feel completely straight: write down what you have done between your last 'gay/bi moment' and your 'straight moment' on Saturday. These might highlight something you don't see now, the ways the world affects you. You are fifteen years old, and people tend to experience chaos and uncertainty at about this age, so don't stress about it. If you don't see why the above might help you, let me tell you my story in a few sentences: I had gay thoughts since my childhood, but I repressed and ignored them until I was in university. And what really helped me was seclusion. Isolation. I tend to think everything revolves around me (I'm sort of selfish), and think about myself a lot, about where I go in life, who am I, what do I want etc. I have a natural need to explore myself, and without many friends I had time and energy to observe myself. I became better and better by the day, noticed more and more of my reactions to certain situations, including my sexuality. I paid attention to my feelings and emotions, to my thoughts, and by now I have an almost complete picture of that strange soul who's driving this body of mine. Many people lack this essential self-knowledge. If you ask them who they are, they say their name, and most of the time they don't even know who is behind those few, seemingly meaningful words the world identifies them with. They know about everything else, the lives of their friends, the events of the world, but not themselves. Believe me, it's worth the time and effort to learn more and more about yourself. Maybe it will be harder for you than it was for me, or maybe it will be easier, who knows? I wish you the very best.
First, know that you are not the only one with this. Well straight people usually know that they are straight, even without experience. If you have more than a little bit of couriosity, that could be a sign in itself. You might have a look here: Am I Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgender? There is romantic and sexual attraction... Of course we tend to adapt a bit to the people around us, this also influences our thoughts. You might try daily to come to rest a bit... no loud music, or tv... just a few minutes thinking, feeling yourself, what is you... over time you should get a better feeling for yourself... and you might think about joining a GSA, from your school or another one... so you could talk with others... I'd say take your time... Maybe this helps, too: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/chit-...fo-you-got-ec-helped-you-accept-yourself.html In case you want to talk to someone, you might look here, for example: GLBT National Help Center (if you have a mobile, using it would be better)
