Excuse me if my writing is a bit messy. I don't usually talk so freely about feelings like these. I am bisexual and I'm in a bit of a problem. It hasn't been long since I fully realized I'm bi. I realized it near the end of last year. Before that I didn't know much about homosexuality and all I knew about bisexuality was that bi people are attracted to both genders. I never thought as deep as to think about things like, can bi people be leaning more towards one gender than the other, or if they feel more gay sometimes and more straight other times, or how different sexual and romantic attractions are and etc. I didn't take too long to accept myself being bisexual...but I still kinda didn't think so much about it. I thought I'd just go with it and be myself and be with whoever makes me happy and not care so much about about putting labels on my sexuality. Then I started liking a guy. Soon we were dating. Again, I hadn't known so much about being bi. Before I began identifying as bi, I wasn't so aware of it. Deep inside I knew I like both genders from a young age, but I don't think I ever noticed how I'm leaning towards girls a bit more. I wasn't so aware of how different romantic attraction and sexual attraction is. I remember kissing guys before and not feeling a thing and being somewhat aware of it, but shelving the thought at the back of my head thinking that it was normal, because I've had deep crushes on boys (as well as girls) all throughout highschool. Now, very recently, I learned to know the differences, and I realized that I am most likely attracted both physically and romantically towards girls but only romantically attracted towards boys. But the problem is that I realized this after we started dating. He is a very, very great guy and has been amazing to me so far. We've been in a relationship for 5 months. I care a lot about him, and when I kiss him I kiss him to show that I care, to show affection. Before I kiss, I actually want to kiss him because of that. But once we begin, I don't feel much of anything and there are times when the amount of time it goes on for almost feels annoying to me, and somehow I get the urge to shove him away. Same goes for any other kind of touching or even simply cuddling at times. There have been a few occasions though when I was fully physically attracted to a male, and it has happened with the boyfriend I have right now as well, but those occasions are surprisingly rare. This has been haunting me for a really long time. I swear, with the guilt and the lack of physical attraction combined, it feels so bad I literally don't know to put it into words. I feel so terrible for secretly feeling this way since I haven't told him yet. I mean he knows I'm bi but, like me, he hasn't bothered thinking about what it really means to be bi either. A while ago he questioned me for a while about this and said that he'll be hurt less if I just be honest to him. He even said that whatever reason for me being physically less interested is, he'll understand and take it well, which was really sweet of him. I basically just avoided the questions more or less and apologized a lot. But he doesn't know this has something to do with me leaning towards girls more. He doesn't know I'm physically uninterested in all men, not just him. And that makes things worse. I don't want him to feel...undesirable or anything! So I have a few questions. -Firstly, what should I do? Should I stop writing in a forum and just go over and have him sit down and talk everything I wrote here through with him? He's very open minded so I know he will understand, but he will definitely be very hurt, and that might keep him from fully understanding at first. He'll be angry too probably, even though he'll try not to be. -What does this mean for our relationship? Would one actually work with one of us with no physical attraction towards the other's gender? (if the answer to that is harsh by any chance, don't sugarcoat it please >.>) -Or should I do nothing about this at all and write this off as a "I'm just another girl with a low sex drive" kind of thing? Thank you so much for reading through my rant.
Okay I'm a male. And guys gives me boner and girls doesn't. But would I mind if I date a girl? No I mean yes I'm attracted to guys physically and emotionally. But I also had a crush on a girl for like 4 years she gives me butterflies in my stomach but not a boner. So I kind of don't know if I'm bi or gay And I think you should talk to him. You said it yourself that he is open minded so it'll be good. You just need to be honest. And who knows what will happen. Goodluck to u *hugs*
These things have been confusing me about whether I'm bi or gay too! I mean, if you're only mentally attracted to the opposite gender, goes that make you gay? Anyway, thanks I'll need the hug and the luck. I'm still debating on how and what I should tell him though.
Not so long time ago I was wondering the same thing, because I had a boyfriend and I felt no attraction to him, at least that's how I felt, just like you wrote. It's really complicated. It's truth that bisexual people have preferences, it is almost impossible to be 50/50 on the spectrum. And, you should totally search more about types of attraction. If you ask me, I will say that you need to speak to him, he deserves to know what is going on. Only you and he know if you can be in the relationship after this, everyone is different. Good luck!
I am in a similar position as yourself, if that helps. I think only you can decide what you want from life and relationships: sometimes it helps to think of it that way, rather than in terms of sexual identity/orientation. Because knowing that you are bisexual or biromantic does not help if you have no interest in being with the opposite sex, and on the other hand being homosexual or asexual, but biromantic might not be a deal breaker for some when it comes to having a relationship with the opposite sex. Given what you know about yourself and your sexual/emotional preferences do you think being with a guy can make you happy? There are people who have low libido and low sexual attraction towards one or either sex and they still can be happy in a relationship despite lack of sexual attraction to a partner, and there are others for whom it would be a deal breaker, so it is up to you to decide what you want.
