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Homosexual/Heteroromantic - what of the two never align?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Confuseddude, Feb 1, 2015.

  1. Confuseddude

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    So, I consider myself to be some form of bisexual. Kinsey 4 maybe? Who knows. I'm giving myself time to work it all out but right now I feel very much homosexual and heteroromantic. I'm happy to be patient working out my orientation and I'm comfortable with the majority of possible outcomes but the one thing that worries me is if I already have it figured out correctly and I'm completely homosexual and heteroromantic. What if the two never match up. Am I doomed never to have a fulfilling relationship.
     
  2. jay777

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    Well you might take it slow and get to know each other first...
    some people need an emotional connection first...
     
  3. jay777

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    Well you might take it slow and get to know each other first...
    some people need an emotional connection first...
     
  4. sweetfemme90

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    Hmm I am going to bring up something slightly controversial. I apologize ahead of time for my ignorance and lack of experience. However I may have an idea about the problem.

    Romance tends to be more about the emotions ones experiences with another. Society I know has conditioned me to associate women with femininity, and femininity with emotions. Society has also conditioned me to associate men with masculinity, and masculinity without the presence of emotion. For me when I have thought about men there was no emotional connection, or any way I knew to create one with a man. For women it was easy. When we get together we talk, we bond, we have fun, we help each other, we provide affection.

    When I talked to a guy friend of mine, he told me he has difficulties with emotions. It appeared as if this stemmed from being told to 'not be a sissy' or to 'man up'. In order to survive he had to remove emotion from something or someone, so when something emotional happens he is hit a lot harder because he cannot cope as well as I can.

    What all of this had to do with his dating life is, when he and another man got together they were not bonding like women do, or like a man and woman would do. When they were the only ones in the room, it was physical, but no emotions were openly displayed. As for dating, there was some distance. He wasn't quite sure how to date a man to create an emotional connection, it often just lead to sex and maybe some video games.

    I would recommend finding a person you like to do things with. I am curious to find out how men can create an emotional bond together. I guess part of it is both parties wanting to develop an emotional connection. Maybe try things like talking on the phone, go for lunch...maybe talk about a small but manageable problem you have. I know when I build a connection with friends or people I am interested in romantically I feel close when they help me with something! Sometimes laughing with people helps you feel all warm and close to each other (e.g. inside jokes). Get comfortable experiencing emotions around men?

    As for developing a sexual connection with women, I have plenty of ideas however I am unsure if they would apply to you. I am a bit lost here because I have honestly never looked into this. I would be curious to know anything you have learned or anything you have done. What a unique situation you are in! Maybe seeing a sexologist may help! Dr. Lindsey Doe is online and answers questions in videos called sexplanations. I would write in to her!
     
  5. xylaz

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    This is the main reason why I'm questioning; my attractions don't seem to correlate romantically or sexually. I've considered an open relationship and even fantasized about marrying a bisexual girl because I love to explore and monogamy doesn't appeal to me. This is too perfect so it'd be a miracle should it happen.
    There's nothing wrong about platonic relationships, friends with benefits, or open relationships....Progress man! and I'm a full-blown rebel-loving liberal to the core. That is me, not you, but maybe if you're not too traditional, it would definitely help you out.
    And honesty; tell the person. People are smarter than they look and they may pick up on your habits and feel betrayed that you felt they didn't deserve to know. (*hug*). Luck!
     
  6. jay777

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  7. SquidwardT

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    If you are looking to settle down, maybe an asexual girl who is okay with you hooking up with guys? Good luck