Hey all, Never posted about this before...looking for some direction I guess? Pretty confused STILL at almost 40 as to what the hell I am and how to find someone like me OR who would? I am 39...2 kids...love sex with males or females...am STRONGLY attracted to Ladyboys/DragQueens/Crossdressers...but also attracted to pretty much everybody else. I have Borderline Personality Disorder which pretty much messes up a lot of your self image and I really have none! Haven't had anyone in a long time...wishing I could find someone but really not understanding how/where to look or even what the heck I AM? Can anybody help this body out? Oh...and I'm not closeted, not afraid of any of this, just feeling lost in a sea of normals. Needing some advice pretty bad as I am brimming with love and need someone to drape it over! Helphelp! :bang::bang::bang::bang::bang::bang:
Welcome NoIdentityGirl. So sorry that your are suffering. (*hug*) Can I ask you when did you first start experiencing confusion? I'm a 40 year old gay male. I've been confident and secure in my homosexuality my whole life. I just started questioning my sexuality late December of last year.
Welp...I guess I've always been confused! But the past couple of years have been pretty hard. Have had quite a helping of Sh*t on my plate recently...including ect's and as a result...my son being taken away from me...I've been wanting someone in my life and at this point...am totally befuddled as to where to find them. How to find someone when you don't really know what you are?
If you have BPD it's pretty difficult.. but do you still think you can know what your sexuality is despite that? Also, are you talking to a therapist because if so I'd suggest you talk to them about this since they know more about BPD and how to handle it. Maybe they can help you reduce your identity confusion which might clear things up.
I am seeing a counselor...she isn't that great, not like a therapist. Yes the BPD complicates things terribly, but even so, no one is going to help me figure out what I am and who I like. I am pretty much a hermit so meeting people isn't going to happen unless it's done online or something...I can't just go to a regular dating site and be faced with the male or female check box...and looking for male or female checkbox? A lot of the time I feel like a gay man stuck in a woman's body and there aint no way to explain that with a box...I need some direction to go in. I am almost 40 and have been seeing therapists/counselors/psychs since I was 5 years old...no one has helped me with anything yet. I need to get some info from people like me instead of waiting for it to come from some sort of "professional" :tears:
Don't know a thing about BPD but to me it sounds like you are pansexual by definition because you are attracted to boys, girls, and those that are somewhere in between.
Yes pan was the closest thing I could relate to. I guess I was thinking there was a more specific word... oh dear. Is there a "pan women who identify as gay males most of the time" club I am missing out on? I literally feel like a Cross dressing male when I get dolled up. I was able to see that today when out...I was worried people would see through my "disguise" and see a guy in girls clothes... Hope I'm not sounding too frantic. I'm not having a good day and I am constantly trying to figure things out.:dry:
You might feel like you don't fit into any specific sexuality in which case you could call yourself "queer" if you want to. Some people are like that where they don't really fit into a sexuality spectrum and find themselves being outside of it.Or, you don't really have to label yourself at all. And it also sounds to me like you already know what you like. After all you described it in your first post. Or am I wrong..?
So...if I am a biological female...who feels to be a male( more specifically a shemale/ladyboy) that would make me...a what? Besides a mess... ---------- Post added 2nd Feb 2015 at 10:27 PM ---------- Yes I know what I like no question about that ---------- Post added 2nd Feb 2015 at 10:29 PM ---------- Just tired of saying "I don't know" when it comes to the questions "are you a boy or a girl?" ---------- Post added 2nd Feb 2015 at 10:41 PM ---------- Transgender? Transsexual? I can't believe I haven't known the correct definitions of those words until now...by poking around in the forums! It's one of those but I'm finding some conflicting info... Oh my!!! I'm certain it's one of those.:dry: omg help me out guys!(!)
Are you not questioning your sexuality but your gender identity? I thought you were confused about your sexuality since this is the "Sexual and Romantic Orientation" subforum. Otherwise if you go to the "Gender Identity and Expression" forum instead there might be people who are more advised to help you out with your gender identity Btw, just to tell you because I think it's important, I know of a girl with BPD who thought she was transgender and started taking hormones but then she realized that she was wrong and that the BPD had made her confused. I don't want you to make the same mistake since hormones has irreversible effects. And, I still think that you probably feel this way because of your BPD. If you don't get that sorted out you may regret it later. At the end of the day I can't tell you what to do, but if I were you I would find a good therapist who could help me sort these things out. Here's a video about the girl I was talking about (it starts at 34:41): http://youtu.be/YjSo0gDcuj4?t=34m41s
No I'm not planning on ever taking any hormones...I have enough trouble with those as it is. I cannot find a good counselor. I am confused about lots of things. I have so many problems from BPD or WHATEVER that keep me from doing lots of things I should be I guess...I can't just go out an find a counselor. I have one...it was very hard to get one...she sucks but it's so hard for me to find another. I am really just beyond being helped I think. Been trying to get help for years and years and it gets me no where.:tears:
I never intended that you were but just in case. Why is it difficult to find a good counselor? And aren't there things you can do to help yourself? I'm sure you can find some good resources if you search on google or something. Do you have some kind of support system around you like friends and family? I don't think you are beyond being helped. I just think you haven't gotten the help you need but it is definitely out there. Another thing, which I have no idea if you'd be up for or if it's a good idea in the country/area you live in, could be to check in to a psychiatric hospital. I'm just throwing out some ideas that might help because I think it's important that you get the help that you need.
Well...I checked in to a hospital last year...and had my son taken away from me as a direct result. Judge deemed me unfit to be a parent since I went there. Yes I know...no, no other reason... Checked out some therapists in my city this morning...contacted someone and she said she would call me today. No call. Thank you for your help... Funny because I feel the least crazy that I have in years but need more help still. Wish I had someone in my town to hang out with who has similar issues or who is at least sympathetic. That is what spurred me in the first place to ask in this forum for some labels so I could have the correct terms when trying to describe my situation to someone I don't know. :rolle:
I can't even imagine how horrible that must have been to have your son taken away... Maybe it was best for him though.. Growing up my mom had difficulties taking care of me because of depression and while I didn't want to leave my mom (which I also didn't) I definitely needed someone to take care of me, as do every child. That's great that you contacted a therapist! If I were you I would be persistent with it and if she doesn't call, contact her again and again until you get the help you need. I've heard that the people who are the most persistent and stubborn about finding a therapist will be more likely to get one than someone who isn't as much but is suffering more. Well, that also makes sense.. So, definitely don't give up! I don't think you're crazy even if you feel the way you do. And the way I understand it, BPD is very difficult to have so it's very understandable that you need a lot of help. Do you need help with your sexuality or gender identity labels?
