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Confused about sexual orientation...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by MLOFD, Feb 3, 2015.

  1. MLOFD

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    chicago
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Hi all, I'm a 22 years old male and I have doubts about my sexual orientation. I'm hoping you guys can give me some advice. Especially those you have lived a similar situation. I will try to explain my situation as well as I can. (Sorry it's a bit long)

    Until when I was about 17 years old, I always thought I was heterosexual. I had crushes on girls and didn't notice other guys. However, I looked at a lot of (straight) porn and sort of thought that I wouldn't matter being the girl or the guy in the sex scenes. Never was a fan of gay porn though. I had a few encounters with girls and they left me very excited. I then had my first 2 sexual encounter with women at 17 years old. I remember that for the first one, I was very excited, but also very drunk. At some point, while giving her oral sex, I lost my erection and never got it back (probably and combination of the anxiety and they alcohol). Then a few months later I had another sexual encounter with a girl to which I was close, but this time I really did not get excited. I also was very anxious. However she did not really do anything to get me excited. It was almost the same as having sex with a dead body lol. After those 2 experiences, I started thinking that maybe they didnt work out because I was gay. For the next few years I didnt have any other encounter with women except for the occasional drunk make out with girls which I liked most of the time. During the next years, I looked at a lot of pornography. And by a lot, I mean a lot...Sometimes it was a few hours each day or even all day. The porn became more and more weird and I did not really matter about the gender of the people in it. I just needed more and more hardcore/weird things to get excited. I think that this really did some damage to my brain and changed my vision of what sex was supposed to be. During those years, I started to have gay sex fantasies. They became more and more important. At around 19 or 20 years old I was more and more convinced that I was gay. However I still didnt notice any men. It was more like I was really excited by the idea of having sex with men. However I have always noticed girls. When I see a hot girl, I don't really get sexually aroused, but I see her as a potential partner. It's not only admiration like some gay men describe it. It's more like a whole body feeling, very animal...I never got that with men, except maybe once or twice. At 20 years old I started wanting to experience with men so I went on a dating site and set up a meeting with a guy. We saw each other twice. The first time, we made out and I was very excited. The second time, we met to have sex. At first I was very excited. It somehow felt natural and stress free. Like there was no pressure on my shoulders (with women, I feel like I have to meet some standards and that if I dont, it means that I'm gay and I cant ever be with women again...). So we gave each other oral sex. I liked giving it at first. Then he did it to me and I didnt really enjoy it. We continued for some time, we did not do anal sex but we tried...and at some point I started feeling repulsed. Overall, the experience started good then ended bad (maybe it was not the right person). Anyway, after that I still thought I was gay. One year later, I wanted to meet other men. I had one date with a guy, and tried to meet other ones to have sex. At this point I was pretty sure I was gay. Or at least Kinsey 5, (maybe 4, at least that was I was hoping for). Then happened something that I really did not expect. I met a girl that I instantly liked. We saw each other almost every day since the first time we met. After around a week, we started touching each other playfully and play fighting. While play fighting, I started having erections. This really confused me. We then started making out and I was excited all the time and got erections just from hugs... However, when we went to second base, I wouldnt get it up. I think this was because of the stress. I then talked to her about my confusion and she was very understanding. I was not stressed anymore. At some point we started having sex. I liked it but felt a lot of pressure. I think I liked more the making out than the actual sex. I felt very good with her and very natural. Except that the sex sometimes felt like a task...Then after 6 months, (the last month the sex had became less enjoyable, more repetitive, somehow mechanical), we broke up after I did not maintain an erection during sex and told her I still had doubts about my sexual orientation.

    So this is it. The way I see it is that I'm somehow sexually attracted to men and women (however men is more raw, but I can't be sure cause I don't really have experience). Also I think I am only romantically attracted to women (or I don't let myself be attracted to men). I feel like girls are cute and I want to spend time with them and take care of them. But men just feel like they could be my buddies...

    Thanks a lot for reading. Please give me advice or help me figure this out.
     
  2. jay777

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    You might have a look at this:
    Am I Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgender?

    There is romantic and sexual attraction...

    and some people say they need an emotional connection first...

    and some people say they fall in love with a person not a gender...

    You might go without porn for a while...

    and think about the dimensions of relationship and love, which are usually not included in porn...

    and you could get to know some people on a friendship basis first, and take it from there...

    hugs
     
  3. Jax12

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    First of all, do not use porn to determine your orientation. Reason being is because there are just too many factors as to why someone may use porn. While a gay male may find gay porn arousing, that's for that specific individual. Porn in itself is also taboo, so the "spying on people" may also be arousing to others. In addition, incestuous fantasies would fall under the taboo, since in reality it doesn't exist as one of the successful relationships.

    Fantasies/porn alone cannot determine your sexual orientation. The truth is, under the right circumstances, people can have sex with anyone regardless of their orientation, it's whether they are mentally into it or not. To me, sexual orientation isn't about who you'd have sex with, it's who you'd date, hold hands, kiss, and love because of who they are.

    My advice: Interacting/socializing with others in the real world will give you a better idea of who you are interested in. The very first time I started questioning myself was when I broke up with my girlfriend. The relationship itself only last a couple weeks so it was extremely short. That's when I thought maybe it was because I was gay.

    I didn't date her because I wanted to fit in or whatnot, but because I actually had feelings for her and I love the way she laughed, smiled, and when we held hands. I got a boner the first time we held hands and it's quite embarrassing haha.

    I've never been attracted to guys that way, ever. Even in high school, I've seen lesbians and gays holding hands and I didn't see anything wrong with that. They seemed happy, and everyone wants to be happy.