First of all, hey guys! This is my first time on a forum, so I'm sorry if I'm doing something wrong. I'm gonna write my whole story, because I think you should know it all in order to help me with my problem, which, by the way, may sound stupid to you, but I am really worried. I'm 17 years old, a junior in high school, and I've liked boys my entire life, I've even been in love. Since puberty hit me, I've had loads of sexual fantasies about boys, some of them I even knew and liked. However, since I was like, 12, I enjoyed watching lesbian porn, still kind of do. I kissed 2 girls, and felt nothing, but, also, I've dated 5 guys I didn't have feelings for and also felt nothing when I kissed them (but I thought that it was because I didn't like them). The problem is, that, for the last week or more, I just got this idea that I might be gay. At first, it sounded silly, because I've been into guys my whole life. But now, I can't sleep because of it, can't eat, and today i had 3 panic attacks.. The idea came from few TV or YouTube personalities who said they've dated the opposite sex and realized were gay when they were older. How do I know if I'm gay? I'm really panicking because I've always dreamed of a perfect husband, two kids etc. So, to sum all this up, basically, I've been a regular straight teenage girl and then this idea popped into my head and I can't get it out, and I can't act normally anymore. Please help me, what should I do?
1. You are not doing anything wrong. No need to feel sorry for expressing your own self. 2. People need your story - to understand and guide you better. 3. You said you have liked boys your entire life - that is a big indicator. Just try to introspect about how you have liked boys - emotionally, romantically, sexually - etc... How do you see boys in your life. What catches your attention. What are your fantasies etc.. Do something similar about girls. Ignore porn and only consider your feelings, attractions in real life... 4. Although, realization of being gay may come all of sudden based on external stimulus - Please do not relate your failure of relationships to being gay. There are infinite reasons for relationships to fail. Many straight people fail in many relationships and still are not gay. If you do not like someone and are forcfully being in the relationship just for the sake of being together - you not have the true feelings.! 5. Having dreams of perfect opposite sex partner, two kids etc - does not define anything. It is based on heteromantic upbringing and that is the reason for many gay people to find it difficult to destroy those beautiful yet impossible dreams. Before sexual confusion, many gay people also used to have such dreams. It has nothing to do with attractions.
