How long does it take for someone to embrace their true self? I spent the majority of my life suppressing my homosexual feelings convincing myself that they would go away. As I began acknowledging, accepting them wasn't very easy but know they are starting to flow in with a little more ease. I can't deny that I crush on classmates of the same sex. Let me know how long it took some of you to get fully comfortable with yourselves and any tips on how to embrace and love myself. Thanks in advance
I started acknowledging and accepting them around 6 months back and now I am feeling more and more comfortable about it day by day, But some important external factors like my family still stop me somehow to get fully comfortable. I guess it will take time based on the effect of environment on ourselves, our own psychology, personality and interpersonal relations . May be it should be sorted out within a year or two once you start acknowledging it. And since, you are already out to friends and parents, it may not take that long for you.. Just be true to your self.. Consider it only as a part of yourself.. Try dating someone - which will not only help you gain confidence and love in your self but also allow you to express your sexuality to someone truly..
It takes as long as it takes. Sorry if that sounds cliche, but.... Your story is my story. I suspected I liked boys long before I knew what gay was. My first sexual experiences were with other men and boys, when I was a teen. I never "got" why my friends liked or got all crazy about girls...those feelings just never happened to me. That being said, I supressed my true self for a long, long time. "I couldn't be gay" I reasoned, because it "was wrong," being gay was evil. No way, god made me gay. So I denied it and supressed it. I got married, had a family. Then finally, I couldn't deny the constant feelings anymore. I knew I was gay, and it wasn't until I was in my 30s that I finally accepted it, and basically, came out to myself. I finally accepted my true self then...but I remained in the closet due to the fact that coming out would destroy my marriage and family. I though I could deal with it, and live with it. Boy was I wrong. Not living your true self is the most difficult thing I have done. It nearly destroyed me. Luckily for me, I was a serious bicycle rider, so that was my drug, my drink, my escape. But the closet was no less dark and deep and ugly. Being true to yourself, is sometimes the hardest thing in the world to be. Because you cannot keep secrets from yourself. You are constantly judging yourself. And if the judgment is always negative, always critical, always secretive...then it will destroy you. Being gay is a part of what you are, it is not who you are. Hope this helps a little Chris
So much depends on how long you've had some sort of awareness. The process of accepting the "loss" of identity as straight has stages: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance, and the time typically varies from days to months, or sometimes longer. But in your case... the fact that you're here posting, that you acknowledge the attraction toward guys... you are getting pretty close to the end of the process. Also, the fact you're out to most people is a big plus: it means you've accepted yourself enough to tell others. The authenticity piece comes when you really address the underlying shame, which is really a fear of not "belonging." In this case, a very real fear, because by accepting that you're gay, you're also excluding yourself (not belonging) to one of the biggest "belonging groups" on the planet, which is heterosexual people. So as you begin to feel that you "belong" to the group of people who are gay -- and posting and participating here is a huge part of that -- then you begin to feel more authentic; you belong to a large group of people just like yourself, and you can be yourself and present yourself authentically.
Chip, you are so wise and have such good advice. Is the process the same for a pan/bi-sexual? I belong to an even smaller group... I wouldn't even know how to find such a group. But, I've always felt that I was part of the humanity. We all have stuff in common, you know.
