I'm unsure of my sexual/romantic orientation and its beginning to bother me Here are the facts: * my earliest crush was on a female classmate in kindergarten, but at that age I no concept of homosexuality so I thought my feelings were more platonic or familial in nature *when I was in first grade I felt an attraction towards a girl I sat by on the first day of school, but after she told me she had a crush on a male classmate I convinced myself that I also had a crush on him (even though, in hindsight he constantly teased her and I didn't like his personality at all) *later on that year developed a crush on the popular boy who I would later go on to obsess over for five years despite never having exchanged more than five words with *when I wasn't fixated on said boy, I noticed two or three girls from 2nd - 6th whom I wanted to get to know. My interest in these girls was greater than any of my other girl friendships *a few boys revealed they had crushes on me and that made me flustered around them but had no interest in starting a romantic relationship with them *obsessed with yaoi *my closest friends have always been guys but after puberty I haven't felt at ease speaking to either gender until recently *through middle and high school I developed an attraction towards androgynous females and obviously gay males *used to be disgusted at the thought of sex with a guy until I met one I became obsessively attracted to *am meh about the thought of sex with a girl, although I've had several hot lesbian dreams and what I instinctively draw when touching pen to paper is the female body *almost all types of porn arouse me *I was always mistaken as male online because of how I typed, so I began to pretend and would flirt with several girls and felt more comfortable than as a female *engaged in a few sexual relationships with males online and recently lost my virginity to a male but found it unsatisfying *always notice women in the streets and feel an attraction toward a female cashier that I regularly encounter *tried to date the guy I lost my virginity to but I felt the urge to push him away when he embraces me (instead of me embracing him) and dislike kissing, but enjoy hugging him and holding hands *caught myself unintentionally flirting and developing feelings for a girl whenever we develop a bond beyond superficial interests Does anyone have an idea what I might be? I was thinking perhaps demisexual homoromantic or bisexual demiromantic or maybe a lesbian with internalized homophobia? I'm afraid to come out then get the label wrong
Do you think it's possible you are pansexual? In case you didn't know, pansexuality means gender isn't a deciding factor on whether or not you are attracted to someone. So you could fall for a woman, man, trans man/woman, intersex, etc. If not, have you considered bisexuality? Anyway, labels aren't all that important in my opinion.
