I know that this is a common thread with me, but please bare with me. I am still really upset about the idea that I might be gay, I get panicked, scared, and want to cry at the idea. It hurts so much. I try really hard to stay bi but I don't know if I am or not. I am still in love and attracted to my ex boyfriend but he is the only male that I am really attracted to, though that could be because he is trans, and I am more attracted to women than I am to men. This is not me saying that he is a woman, am just saying that his bodily features are pretty attractive to me. I am trying to keep calm with this and not freak out, but its hard. I am worried that if I am gay that I will mess things up. upset my family, ruin everything. I don't know how to keep calm with this, that is the only way to get an answer. I just don't know how to calm down. Does anyone have any ideas?
Do NOT worry about what your family will think. We can't always please them. I was scared to tell my mom that I was gay because she is not very understanding of homosexuality. 7 months later she has come around and expresses her love for me just as she did prior to coming out. As for yourself, just try not to overthink it like I do. If you focus too heavily and identifying yourself and trying to label yourself you will create stress on yourself. Just try to keep calm and do what makes you happy. eventually you will sort things out inside your head and you will find peace. For now find love within yourself.
It's the same for me. I somehow can't stop worrying about whether I'm gay it not. I've already concluded that if I'm gay then so be it; if I'm happier as a gay man then so be it, yet I can't stop thinking about it. My sexual fantasies point me towards gay yet it doesn't make sense; never had feelings for guys. Maybe I've been desensitized from porn. I don't find everyone woman drop dead gorgeous either... Yet I've had plenty of crushes of girls and none for guys... Time will tell I suppose.
My family accepted me as bi, I'm scared I will be a disappointment. They were disappointed when my sister came out as gay, we all still love her, but it does not mean that the disappointment was not still there. I have a bad habit of over thinking it, I know I am attracted to women but with men, I don't know l
There's no point in trying to be anything, because if you try and be bisexual then your brain is going to keep panicking and the less likely you are to actually have bisexual feelings. I'm not saying you are bisexual, but I know that anxiety can do crazy things to your brain, and if you're thinking "must like men" then your mind and body will get defensive and your feelings won't be organic and natural, whether they're for guys or girls. Try and focus on other aspects of your life apart from your sexuality, I know its hard but taking a break from analyzing your feelings can do wonders for your mind and can help clarify some things in the end. If you really love your boyfriend and are happy with him, then whatever else you like shouldn't really matter. You can be into girls exclusively except for your boyfriend if that's the way you feel. And if it's because he's trans, well it doesn't matter, because you love him anyway. I know how hard it is thinking about how your family will react. My family aren't exactly conservative, but everyone can be small minded sometimes, I didn't want them to judge me or get depressed that I'd never get married. Honestly though, if your family accept you're bisexual, they will come around to the idea of you being gay. It can be hard for families at first. But think, eventually you will be comfortable, confident, and proud of yourself because of and regardless of your sexuality. And it's the same process for your family if you continue to communicate and be yourself with them, they'll come around to the idea and be happy for you. Accepting it is a process, I really hope you figure things out. I really recommend just focusing on other things for a while, there's no rush to explain yourself to anyone, including yourself.
Thanks. I know forcing it is not going to help me any, I just wish I knew what I was, who I am. Not knowing is so, so hard. I went through the reverse of this a year ago with coming out as bi so it is not a surprise to be going through it again. My exboyfriend/current best-friend keeps telling me that with time it will get easier and my questions will be answer, but how much time am I willing to wait is the answer. I know my family will accept me, even though some of them are religious, it is not to the point that they will hate me for this. They might not agree, but they won't hate me. The thing is, my family does not talk about things like this, we are not that close knit. We would rather deal with things like this on our own and not talk about it. It is just how we are, and there is nothing wrong with that, its just who we are. I can try to focus on other things, that shouldn't be too hard. Thanks so much for your advice.
We have the same problem! You're not alone, I feel the exact same way. I don't know if I like guys too or just girls and it's so frustrating. If the one person you're out to is really supportive, talk to them because they might be able to help you personally. It's always nice to be able to talk to at least one person. They can also help you practice coming out to other people and prepare you for reactions. I hope you find out soon! Good luck!
Clinical studies have shown the more you brood over internalised issues the more stress and negative feelings you will have. You need to stop thinking about it too much and let it go. It's very hard to do but it will only eat you up inside. I highly suggest finding some music or media that can help you vent out your frustrations and channel your energies.
Thanks, I hope things work out well for you, you deserve it. I am so glad that he is so supportive, it has made my life so much better. I will might try the coming out thim, see how it feels. Thanks for the advice. I have to try to let it go but I'm terrified to do so
