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"Mostly Gay", but...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by TheStormInside, Feb 7, 2015.

  1. TheStormInside

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    Sometimes, I feel sure I'm gay, or "mostly gay" "homoflexible" or something along those lines. Other times I worry I'm wrong and I start to wonder if I may be bisexual and repressing or pushing away my feelings for men.

    I say "mostly gay" because I do get attractions to males sometimes. I see a guy and think "he's hot." If a guy has a pretty face or a nice chest/stomach I will notice and appreciate. But if I try to think of being with a guy physically it's uncomfortable. I can imagine myself say kissing a man but beyond that I don't want them to touch me, or for me to touch them. With women it's not like that. The attractions I get to women are much stronger, more cohesive and the thought of being with a woman physically and emotionally is a pleasant one.

    Because I do get some attractions to guys, though, I worry I could just be repressing or repulsing the idea of being physical with them because I'm more anxious around guys, and just feel less comfortable with them in general. I have crushed on both men and women in the past, but my crushes on men have generally been about liking them for having similar interests. The crushes I've had on women feel like they developed more naturally, however, and were like this magnetic draw.

    So I suppose, for the above reasons, I am pretty sure I am a lesbian "for the most part." But I am just not sure what to make of these feelings I get toward men at times. I don't know if it is something I should try to pay better attention to, or just not worry about. Do others relate? How do you interpret those sorts of feelings, if you have them as well?
     
  2. PossumJack

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    I feel the same way, but the other way around. I find women hot at times, but I can't really imagine doing anything beyond kissing. And let just say boobs absolutely terrify me and leave it at that :grin:

    In some cases I feel like it might less of an attraction than just...appreciation? Perhaps you just really like them as a friend, like a platonic attraction instead of a romantic one (in the asexual community they call this a "squish" instead of a "crush").

    Either way, I'd say don't sweat it that much. Sexuality is a very complicated thing. Personally, I just have an "if it happens, it happens" attitude. If you feel like there's a genuine attraction, there's nothing wrong with exploring it, you know?
     
  3. Emily1

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    Before I came to the conclusion that I am fully gay I really struggled with my feelings towards guys. I too sometimes find boys hot and attractive but my thoughts of them always felt forced, sort of like I had to remind myself to think about them. With girls it's different, it happens naturally and I can't help but think of them in that way. Perhaps your ambiguity about your feelings towards guys says it all… genuine attraction should feel effortless and right. It sounds to me like you're just admiring their looks and personality but aren't actually sexually attracted to them.
     
  4. ANewDawn

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    I'm the same way. I find guys hot and like to look at them but the idea of actually having sex with one is terrifying and gross. Sometimes it bothers me that I'm still attracted to guys somewhat, but I try and remind myself that sexuality is largely about Sexual attraction (duh). Also, it's okay to not want to be with guys even if you find them good looking.
     
  5. Jax12

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    Well if this helps, I think I'm the complete opposite of you. I get uncomfortable when I imagine a good looking guy touching me, or me touching them. It gives me the shivers, but in my mind I can hear myself saying "But you like it! Yes you do!", yet I feel so uncomfortable thinking about it. But then this sounds like I'm in denial, yet I'm alright with same-sex couples.

    But with women it feels more natural, however I doubt myself because we see heterosexual couples everywhere, so there's a certain level of comfort because it's common. Where I worked, a guest (girl around my age) put her hand on my arm and I got a rush of excitement.

    I've imagined myself kissing passionately with a guy, and it just feels like someone dared me to do it (or I was drunk). While I could be physically into it, mentally I would be thinking "This is kind of... Odd" or "Am I done yet?"
     
  6. TheStormInside

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    Thanks, everyone, for your responses. It helps to know I'm not the only one who feels this way at times.

    PossumJack- You're right, maybe they are "squishes" rather than "crushes" that I've had. I tend to find guys more "cute" in a puppy way than anything else. I think part of my confusion is that I repressed my genuine attractions for so long I had no idea what attraction *truly* felt like until recently. It still can be confusing for me to tell the difference between friend attraction and something more, but I suppose it may take time for me to "learn" since I kept myself from experiencing this for so long.

    Emily1- I do think I sometimes see guys and just naturally think they're cute, but I also relate to what you're saying as there have been many times where in my mind I would consciously decide that a guy was attractive to me. It was like an exercise in logic rather than any kind of emotional draw, though I would get myself pretty emotionally invested regardless. But literally, I've been in the situation where I have met a guy, and thought "He's cute, he's nerdy, and his personality seems good thus far. Perhaps he'd be a good boyfriend" as though the entire exercise in attraction were checking off boxes in a checklist.

    ANewDawn- I definitely relate. I just worry I may end up discounting guys when I shouldn't, but I suppose I should just try to remember to keep myself open to all possibilities, even if some seem much more unlikely.

    Jax12- Your feelings toward guys and mine are similar. :lol: Especially the "Are we done yet?" strikes a chord. I wonder why you think you are gay, though, having read your other posts. It seems like you're pretty obviously attracted to women and like being with them.