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Can you be certain of your sexuality?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by LaurenJ, Feb 8, 2015.

  1. LaurenJ

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    I was just wondering if you can be certain of your sexuality if you've never been with anyone to see if you like it or not? Do some people just know? I'm just currently a little bit confused and wanted some advice and opinions :slight_smile:
     
  2. Van

    Van
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    Even if you haven't had sex with someone of the same/opposite sex, you can still know what you are/feel/want/like/desire etc. It's something that you just know. :icon_wink
     
  3. HelloSweetie

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    I think you can just know, I've never been with a woman, but I know I'm attracted to them. I know how I feel. Besides, no-one ever questions if straight people know they are straight before they have sex.
     
  4. antibinary

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    You can never be 100% certain but you can be 999.99...% certain.
     
  5. lyjo

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    I've never been with anyone, but can't imagine myself with a man. I'd say you just know.
     
  6. SquirrelGirl

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    Another member on here once said that you can never be 100% sure of your sexuality but that you can be 100% confident in your sexuality and that you can be sure that you're attracted to your partner.
     
  7. ANewDawn

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    I think for some people they are 100% sure of their sexuality without ever being with the opposite sex. And for others it takes more experimentation. But I don't you think should sleep with someone of the opposite sex just for the sake of confirming your orientation. If you think you're gay, you are perfectly free to only be with women for the rest of your life without knowing for sure that you're entirely gay. I might be bisexual, but I don't care - I know I like girls and most days that's enough for me.
     
  8. Jax12

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    Some people just know, but for others it might take some time/experience for them to finally draw a conclusion. I think people on this forum have said before that while they were well aware of their attraction to the same sex, they dated the opposite sex for the sake of normality. I wanted to date a girl because I actually had feelings for her. I imagined a perfect relationship with her, but obviously it didn't work out.

    I could be bisexual, gay, or straight. At this point I really don't know because I'm that confused. All I know at this point is that All my life I've checked out girls, and sought relationships with them, despite imagining sex with older men. I also never had feelings for guys, and I still don't. IF there's anytime where I find myself zoning in on a guy, it'll only be for the sake of my mind stressing out and being desperate.

    I think bigger men in general are good looking and attractive because it makes them look tough like a man. I'm a scrawny little asian kid and I've had many insecurities such as self esteem.
     
  9. YuriBunny

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    Well, I'm certain, so yes. I'm like, 100,000,000% sure I'm gay. :lol:

    Typically certainty takes a long time to develop. I considered my sexuality for years, as did many of us here.

    But yes, certainty is definitely possible! :slight_smile:
     
  10. apocalypse

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    If you're within normal mental standards you can usually be pretty certain! Just pay attention to who you're attracted to and to which level (romantic? sexual?). If you're someone who has BPD like me you're gonna have one hella confusing time figuring it out.
     
  11. cognito

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    There are 4 types of attraction, and hopefully for a MATCH in a potential partner you'd have all 4:
    They are -
    Emotional
    Physical
    Intellectual
    Romantic

    It ISN'T straightforward, as I have discovered.
    I like others guys physically, but women emotionally, intellectually, and romanticly.

    I was thinking about it today & I feel it has something to do with that I am a person on the autistic spectrum. I like order. I like things that match. Maybe likened to matching book-ends on a bookshelf.
    Take a game of "Snap"..... it's pairs that look the same that win.
    Womens bodies look different to mine. They are almost alien. I had a girlfriend about a month ago & we were nude together. It was weird. It was like she had bits missing (like a willy & balls), but she had lumps on her chest which I didn't like one bit.
    I compared her to me. She was like an alien.
     
  12. LaurenJ

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    Thank you for all of your replies!
     
  13. Jax12

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    Interesting... A lot of you guys say that you just know... I'll keep that in mind.
     
  14. ellyy

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    Of course you can. If you couldn't, how could you know for sure if you like anything at all?
    Once you've sorted all your feelings out it's easy to know and to be sure.
     
  15. jAYMEGURL

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    Dear Laurenj :


    this is a really good question to ask me because I knew from the time that I was in preschool up until now that the only feeling I had toward girls was that I was comfortable around them as sort of a protection from " A MAN"S WORLD ", meaning that men were
    made out to sound as if they were made out of iron, and nothing could break them.


    In our family, I was always MADE to stay out of harm's way, with the ladies. My dad and my brother would go off with the men, and I was taught to cook, how to do laundry, and how to perform other household chores. I learned how to fear the outside world, until I actually started working.

    I'm not a wimp, but I've never really been that attracted to women, and that's why it's easy for me to say I'm gay. Even when my ex-girlfriend was naked, I wasn't excited, and when I performed my first oral sex on a man, I just knew that this was for me.

    Jaymegurl
     
  16. yuricorpse

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    I think yes, but some people take more time to be 100% sure
     
  17. sporn

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    I can never be sure thanks to HOCD and repression. That crap really weakens my attraction and confuses things for me.
     
  18. Radioactive Bi

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    Can you really be certain of anything? Is this all just an illusion.

    Now there's the real question....

    Happy days :slight_smile:
     
  19. kindy14

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    Ok, maybe this can help.

    I was 10/11/12 when I first started developing interest in sex, and attractions... Had crushes on girls, stared at them, started having that funny feeling down there... My guy friends and I were also comparing equipment, touching, and jerking each other off. I really had a crush on my best friend too. Felt a lot like the crush I had on one girl too.

    So, I never really questioned that I liked girls and guys. But, it wasn't a socially accepted norm, not something that was talked about at all. I didn't really pursue anything with guys. I did wonder often, on and off, if I could really be into sex with a guy.

    Well, after 37 years in the closet, yes I really get into sex with guys. The only way to know was to try. I hooked up with a guy off one of those apps, and we traded oral, and I loved it.

    So, I think you should be confident in your attractions. Having an attraction to someone doesn't mean you have to act on that attraction. Happens all the time for everyone, you meet someone who you just click with but, they're married, attached, wrong sexual orientation, to young...