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Why can't I decide??

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by LuxuryDeluxe, Feb 9, 2015.

  1. LuxuryDeluxe

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2015
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Norway
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    So, I've recently figured out that I'm transgender and I've begun questioning my sexuality.

    And to make it "simple" I'll just tell my "story" on most of my attractions :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    First off, I got a crush on my kindergarten friend which was a boy. I was 5-6 years, and I kept that little crush until I was 10 or so. I then got a crush on another boy who kept flirting with me, until he gave up and started dating another girl, which made me kind of jelous. We had many things in common, and for 2-3 years we were "best buddies", and my feelings for him were fading away. But that's when a mutal friend made me confess to him that I liked him, and it turned out he felt the same with me, yey... So we dated for 2-3 months, and it was OK I guess. Mostly wet kissing, not much of the old "buddy" thing that I liked. And one day he actually asked if I wanted to blow him. I became realy uncomfortable, and I found an excuse to go home. I felt scared, but I don't know why P: Maybe because I was 13 at the time? Anywho, he broke up with me a week after, and I didn't really care about it.
    Half year later I started to become buddies with another guy on the karate team I went to, with the same interests as me. We were joking around a lot, and I guess we were flirting, somehow. This was more a feeling-based relationship. But I didn't have any strong feelings towards him, mainly because I thought relationships at the age of 13 was weird. But we somehow got together, and it was OK. He was a much nicer guy, and he started to notice my "not so straight" behavior (stereotypes) This relationship lasted 3-4 months, and was OK. Still no harsh feelings when he broke up, though I wanted to keep him as friends.
    The next summer, while camping with my best girl friend, we were talking about crushes, and when she told me she was "100% SURE" she was straight it made my stomach sink. I realised half a year later that I've been in love with her for a while. And I mean REALLY in love, nothing like I've ever felt before! I had known her for about 5 years at that point, so I had plenty of time getting to know her.
    And lucky me, one day she told me she really was Bi, and I confessed my feelings for her imidetly. So I've dated her for over half a year now...

    But now that I've realised I'm trans I'm having troubles... I don't know anymore. I don't think I'm just into girls, but I've only felt "true love" with a girl. Maybe I must give it time, because I'm 15 years old as for now?
    But when it comes to crushes, I TOTALY crush on fictional male-characters (mostly with gay traits) And I don't crush on females... But I've felt attracted to girls too. I've had crushes on 5 girls as for now, and boys; probably around 4-5 real ones..

    Sorry if this is long oh my gosh but I'm having troubles with this, and it's the main thing bothering me right now ):
     
  2. jay777

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2014
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    1,599
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    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I'd say take your time...
    there is sexual and romantic attraction, and some people say they need an emotional connection first...

    Its possible you move a bit towards a more male position concerning your identity...
    and the more you feel secure within you, the less need you will feel to go against female positions...

    you might have a look here, if you have not already:
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/169344-conflicted-feelings.html#2

    This might also influence your sexual preference a bit... some people say one or more point on the kinsey scale might be possible... but really take your time... you might feel more comfortable over time...

    and, well, its quite a few people who say they are pan... falling in love with a person not a gender...

    I'd say take your time :slight_smile: