Need help deciding my orientation (bi/pansexual?)

Hello everyone - this will be a long post, it's also my first, so be patient please

From my teenage years I considered myself about 95% straight and 5% open to the possibility of something with another guy. I had 3 cases where I got interested - one when I and the other guy were both teenagers under the age of consent, nothing happened. Another time I quite liked a guy at university in the same football team, but I quickly confirmed he was 100% straight so I didn't waste my time pursuing a dead-end. And a third with a guy who was definitely bisexual but was in denial about it - I made a pass at him but he freaked and we never talked about it again.

All between this time I was having a fairly active love life with women, with varying degrees of satisfaction. Regular women I basically did not feel a really strong sexual chemistry with, but I liked a lot how they looked (the prettier ones), and over time I found I enjoyed more kinky sexual stuff, and I thought that was why I didn't get super excited over regular boy/girl sex. However, I did find I had much better physical attraction in bed with kind of tomboyish/masculine-acting women (not masculine looking though). The closest I can think of from the film world would be Linda Fiorentino's character in The Last Seduction, Michelle Rodriguez's tough-girl characters, and so on.

On the guy side, I never had any interest in 99.9% of men. My porn interests were more rough heterosexual stuff, or man & transgender woman, and the 1 or 2 times I saw gay (male) porn it did nothing for me. So I was pretty sure for years that I was so close to straight that unless a reincarnation of James Dean hit on me then I was unlikely to ever go with a guy. Out of the 3 guys I had liked, they had a more androgynous/pretty kind of look, and partly feminine way of acting/moving, which seemed to get my sexual nature waking up and taking interest.

So, a few things changed in recent years to make me feel perhaps I'd got my nature wrong all along, without realising. First, I met a woman who basically described herself as a man trapped in a (very hot) woman's body, she would sometimes joke she wished she was born with a cock so she could fuck men that way. She also felt I had a kind of hidden 'feminine' side (which no other people had ever mentioned - I look and act pretty much stereotypically masculine). I'm an open-minded guy so I was on for trying her suggestions, and for the first time I actually had some pretty hot sex. One of my best friends when he met her and saw us interacting, joked that he now realised why I had never settled down, because my type was "a man in a hot woman's body". Unfortunately various issues led that relationship to fail.

Some time later I then met and started dating a transgender woman, she had known from an early age she was mostly female in mind and identity, but in her sex life she was more active/top. She also noticed the same side of me that my prior girlfriend did, except more so - basically she said it was like a mirror image of how she felt (she felt about 80% feminine 20% masculine). She told me all about her journey of discovering, fighting with, then accepting and finally learning to enjoy and be happy with that nature she had, and said she felt I would work things out much better if I tried something similar. So I steadily got more open and experimental. We had very hot chemistry indeed and I felt she was the first person who was a proper 'match' for me physically and sexually. I also found I was fine with, and enjoyed, fucking someone who had a cock. Unfortunately that one also broke down for distance reasons. We remained very good friends to this day though.

Then a short while ago I met a guy, who on first sight was a) pretty damn cute and b) pretty obviously gay. At first I just liked his aesthetic looks, I had long since considered I had no interest in sex with men (and in fact I never have done this - my logic was, if I was into guys, I'd be getting aroused watching gay pornos, drooling at male models etc). But as we talked and interacted a bit, I started to feel strong chemistry with him, and also noticed subtle signs of interest from him to me. He also had that kind of masculine/feminine mix of the 2 guys, woman, and trans woman I had liked previously, except he had it much more.

Well, after that, I made a few excuses to go back where he hung out, and each time was very turned on just from being in the same room, or talking to him about innocent topics...I was more turned on just chatting with this guy, than I had been with 99% of times I was naked in bed having sex with someone before. Over a very short time I realised I was falling for him in a big way. I asked him out, we met for drinks, I loved his personality and we got on great. He did disclose he was dating (not too seriously) someone else so would like to just take it kinda slow and see how things go, which I was ok with (I don't generally like to jump in bed with someone before I know them). Since then, each time we met we got on better and better, he is giving clear signs of liking me a lot, if he was fully single I am sure something would have happened by now. But I don't want to push because I don't like being involved with people who are dating others, even if it's casual. I just kept my interest shown and will let him decide what he wants more.

So...since we haven't actually got physical yet, I am not quite sure how I should see myself. It *feels* like it would be insanely hot even just to kiss him, and I am getting really turned on every single time we meet/talk. But I guess until if and when I actually get intimate with him, I can't know that for sure. Also because this kind of goes a bit against my sexuality from my past, I am rather confused about what my sexual preferences are now. I did try to check this by going to a couple of mainly gay hangouts in my city, but I didn't find any attraction for any of the guys there. Same when I browsed a couple of gay dating sites - no one there was interesting me anywhere close to this guy. Then again, that's the same with women - I don't feel any attraction to most of them, just a select few that are my type.

So I am interested in getting feedback from anyone who has been in a similar situation, where they found after years favouring one kinda of sexual partner, that they met and got very strong chemistry with another. My feeling is that it's just because of this guy as an individual...but it would mean that potentially another guy who is my type could cause the same kind of attraction in me. Right now I'm leaning towards just ignoring people's gender and sexual identity in future, and just being open to dating anyone where I have that kind of feeling again.

A related question is, I always believed in being authentic about my nature, so in the past I've told friends etc that I consider myself mostly straight, but would be open to someone trans or male if I met someone like that who I really hit it off with. Apart from 1 or 2 of my friends, most of them (who aren't prejudiced but are pretty much clueless about LGBT sexuality) just kinda ignored this and assumed I'm straight, since I have never actually dated or gone to bed with a guy, and my trans ex identified as female so I never mentioned that. I have no issue about being one way or the other, so I don't have any hangups or self-loathing to deal with, but I would like to actually *know*.

Anyway my head is confused right now...firstly by the emotions of feeling strongly for someone (this is the first time I felt anything like 'love at first sight', even though I don't fully believe in that), and secondly by what it means for my sexual nature. I guess I'm just searching for guidance. For what it's worth, my trans ex-gf (who is really the only person I know who understands all these issues 100%) thinks I'm smack bang in the middle of the straight-gay continuum (that would be a 3 on the Kinsey scale, for those familiar with it), and I have another good female friend who is somewhat bi, she feels similar although she is thinking I might lean a bit more to the male side, based on my strong reaction to this guy I met. Until recently I felt like I was more 1 or 1.5 (where 0 is 100% straight and 6 is 100% gay). Any thoughts?

P.S. congratulations if you made it to the end, you may want to tackle the much better-written "War and Peace" next