I guess, in hindsight, I've been rationalising away some little things for a while now. What's caused this latest bout of thinking is seeing a film with a friend. While we were watching the film, I kept having these thoughts of reaching over and hugging him, or resting my head on his shoulder, or just... doing something. I mean, I suppose it didn't take a great deal of effort to fight them away, but I still had these thoughts... like part of me wanted to snuggle up to him :icon_redf. And I think this may have happened last week when we went to see a film as well. Then after the film we got a meal. Fairly standard friend stuff most of the time, but again I was having thoughts (if only like 5% of the time) like "his face is cute/pretty". Now at this point he's entered my thoughts. I think he's possibly been in my fantasies when I masturbate recently, but in any case I've had thoughts about what it'd be like to hold hands with him or, idk, maybe what a date would be like with him. And on some level I enjoy thinking that way. I must do, given that I seem to keep coming back to it. Up to now I've used many explanations to blow this kinda thing off (something similar happened with another friend last year)- "you've never had a girlfriend, so you're just desperate"; "you're clearly mistaking attraction for close friendship" ; "he's just a nice guy, so of course you'd feel at ease around him" ; "why is it only him?" ; "fantasy ≠ reality", etc. Now, though, it's not as easy as it was. The weight of evidence feels like it's slowly getting heavy enough to make that kind of explanation, well, not quite as convincing as it used to be. Maybe... it's time I admitted to myself I've felt attraction to these people? But then what's next? How do I let him know (assuming I ever pluck up the courage), should I even? How do I move on from this to just view him as I used to?
Well he's gay, so I wouldn't need to worry about a negative reaction as such. But he is my flatmate and he has no discernible interest in me, so it could make things awkward quite quickly.
Well is there something like a GSA you could attend ? Or a lgbt club, or a lgbt center with courses and activities ?
There is (an lgbt club). I don't think he's involved in it though. I also feel kinda, um, reserved about going to one until I'm sure if that makes sense? I just feel very shy at the prospect given that I'm not sure yet... in addition to the normal amount of shyness to going to new societies.
Well you could think about it and give it a try... its no obligation connected with it... maybe you meet a few nice people, and its possible there are also people there who are not so sure yet... Oh and you might have a look at this: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/chit-...fo-you-got-ec-helped-you-accept-yourself.html
