So, I was sure about my sexuality for a while, but now, I don't know anymore, once again.:eusa_doh: I'm sure I'm attracted to women romantically and sexually, and I am not straight 100%. The one thing that keeps me confused is my attraction to men. I had crushes on guys, but they were like admirations. I mean, I liked their personality, I would want to talk to them about life and stuff that matters, be 'one of the guys', to fit in with his friends. At the same time, I wanted to date a few, well I at least I thought so. I live in really sexistic country, and women are forced to please men, to crave for admiration, some kind of confirmation of their worth. It sucks, but I think it effected me a bit. What I'm trying to say is that I want attention, but I'm not comforatable about giving it back, I know it sounds a little bit vain or smth... Same thing with my celebrity crushes, I admire some male actors and I think they are talented, good looking, smart, funny, as people and as their characters. The thing is, I can see when a guy is hot, and I don't want to sleep with them, or be in the relationship with them, it's just, I start to like that person, search for information. And, I still identify as panromantic, even though I can't imagine doing romantic stuff with a man, and I sometimes feel like I might, but then it feels wrong, and I feel forced into it... I don't know how to explain it. I have a little bit of social anxiety, so in real life, my heart can race out of nowhere, so when I talk to my 'crush' it could mean nothing for me. Overall, I can't understand is it attraction, or not? could I be romantically attracted to men if I feel like it's weird to be romantic with a guy? I still feel like I might be somewhere else on the sexuality spectrum..
Look I am no expert but AFAIK the sexual spectrum is fluid. It's not a girl/boy switch, more like a sliding bar. ...In fact straight men too can find guys attractive, so this is okay.
I do understand that, but it's really confusing. I can't figure out is it just friendship that I want or is it romantic or some kind of other attraction to men. Ofcourse, straight men can find a guy attractive, but where is that line where it becomes more than just admiration of a man's looks?
You might have a look here: Am I Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgender? There is romantic and sexual attraction... and some people say they need an emotional connection first. As you describe it, you are not particularly sexually attracted... Is it possible you might like the friendship/ being a pal part... maybe just chatting and letting a more male side of you out...
And if I could add my experience to that, one's understanding of it can also change over time. Several years ago I began the process of "coming out as gay", which I experienced as flipping the switch Milonov spoke of. This gave me the opportunity to begin exploring relationships with other men, which is just what I needed at the time. For a good while after that, I would tell folks, "My idea of intimacy with a woman is chatting over coffee." That felt true for me at the time. However, in more recent years I have come to realize how much I miss at least some degree of intimacy with women. I love my husband very much, and he is the only man I want to be with, and he is the one person I want to be married to. Yet at the same time, I long for more than chaste hugs with women friends, and have repeatedly had these huge washes of feelings during those hugs which I'm sure weren't reciprocal. My husband understands this and is accepting and supportive, and we both see the need for me to proceed cautiously. Naturally I get impatient at times, but I just have to trust that whatever time it takes will be worth it. Rushing things or forcing a situation seems a good way for one or more people to end up being hurt. I don't want that for myself, my husband or anyone else. The best I can do for now is seek honesty with myself - what do I really want? - and to be honest with others. Somewhere out there is someone in a compatible situation. I have to believe that...
Honestly, there are different kinds of attraction. I think whether you are straight, gay, or bi has to want to do with attraction to performing sexual acts with a specific gender. Possibly relationships as well, but not always. I've seen many different forms. There are lesbians who find men good looking, and enjoy gay porn but dislike the idea of sex with men. Some lesbians don't even find other women physically attractive at all.
I struggle with something so similar! I'm 100% sure that I'm attracted to women (romantically and sexually) but I can't seem to pinpoint what it is that I feel for men. I can definitely notice a hot guy and have some sort of attraction to him but I'm not really sure what it means because often, when I think about it, I don't want to sleep with him. One theory is that I get validation when flirting with men. I do like attention and I think that may be what draws me in. I now identify as lesbian but I will admit that at times it definitely is confusing! A little trick that I use to remind myself how I truly feel is by thinking of how I feel when I'm intimate with a woman versus how I feel when I am intimate with a man. When I'm with a guy, I don't dislike it but every move I make seems calculated, I have control and I don't really care to let go of him. When I'm with a girl, It's like I lose that control and get completely caught up in the moment. I'm not sure if you can relate to this at all, but there is a chance you do. I hope this helped just a little bit!
I can relate to this for sure. But if it's just attention and flirting, it becomes really complicated. The reason why I want to figure this out is that there are people I'm afraid to lead on. I can't flirt with girls because I don't understand them, and I get super nervous and awkward and I don't know what to say and uh, you know what I mean. And then with guys, I can flirt all day long, I have fun, attention, chat, I understand their thinking and I feel comfortable. I can find a guy that I'm flirting with really attractive, but I am not attracted to him in 'that' way. I don't know how I know it, but my straight friend and I have a same male celebrity crush and she just dies when she sees him without t-shirt on, I have no feelings, I just can say he is good looking. She concentrates on his lips and body, I like his eyes, hair, clothing style. It's different. But then at the same time, I always have a stronger connection with men and I seek that... and this is really messing with my head.
You seem to understand male thinking and like to be around them. Not in a sexual way but in a social way. As peers. With women it seems like you come from a male point of view. You don't understand them completely but what you describe sounds like a crush. And there seems to be sexual attraction. Well this is what males go through... In summary it seems you are more familiar with a male point of view. You might try to get over shyness and get to know a few women, see what you have in common and take it from there...
That's the problem. I don't know how straight men feel about their pals. If they find some guy attractive, most of them will die but won't admit it, because they are afraid that someone might assume they are gay. So from where can I get this point of view?:eusa_doh: I have female friends, I understand them on some level.
But you don't seem to have this problem ? You want to mingle with men but don't find them sexually attractive ? Yep, thats what I would imagine. But you might take it from there and try to make it with persons you find sexually attractive from a friendship level to more. Not necessarily meaning your friends, but in general.
I'm not sexually attracted to them, but I'm not a guy and I don't know how a straight guy would see his friends, or think that some of their friends are attractive. I just want to know if they have about the same thoughts about them as I have about guys, you know.
I'd say yes. They see the others as people they want to spend time with and go along well with. Beyond that its individual. Some might admire a friends body... some might be bi and have thoughts in that direction...
I totally see where you're coming from in wanting to know how guys look at their attractive friends. Although I haven't given that much thought, something that I did pick up on is how my female friends see other attractive girls. I have a lot of straight girlfriends who say "that girl is absolutely stunning" or "she's gorgeous" but it's just admiration. Point is, I think straight people can notice and appreciate a good looking person of the same gender without any sexual feelings toward them.
Well, yes, it's the same thing other way around, with girls seeing other girls beautiful. But you see, I can't find that line between 'just admiration' and 'I'm attracted', no matter how obvious it might look, I just can't put a finger on it
Yeah that's the same for me. If I see a guy that clearly works out as is like a bodybuilder (built chest, abs, back, etc), I think damn that guy is built and I seriously admire it, like "I wish I had his body and looks", but in terms of dating and sex, it is not very comfortable; it drives my anxiety insane. If people ask me who I'm into, I'll tell them that I'm interested in girls because that's when it feels right to me. I want to hold a girl's hand, hug/kiss her, etc. With guys it seems awkward, and as you said, forced. When I'm imagining in my head, it's like I'm forcing myself to immerse in the experience to see if I'll enjoy it or not. ---------- Post added 15th Feb 2015 at 08:40 PM ---------- I can't either. What I've tried to do (and I've seen some progress) is talk to those specific type of people and see how it goes. I'll talk to a buff guy and I think hey this guy is cool, and he's got a really built body. But would I go out on a date with him? Nope, neither would I have sex with him (as much as my mind is telling me to imagine it, it is in general, not enjoyable).
I was dating this guy, and I thought I was strongly attracted to him, but then, when I kissed him I felt nothing. It was more than talking. It wasn't disgusting, but after a while I couldn't do it, I couldn't stand him holding my hand or even hugging me. It feels like, I was into this guy, but when something happened...nothing, I felt nothing. It wasn't bad, but it felt wrong in some way, I was waiting for it to stop. I really love and admire how men's brain works. I can relate and understand, even though I'm sensitive and can be emotional, I grew up with boys, and I need them around. But that need is too strong, and when it meets my thought that some guy can be really attractive, I get confused, and then I don't know what to think anymore...
