Hello everyone, first and foremost I apologize if this is not the right place to post this. I didn't know where else would be appropriate but please point me there if this isn't the place. Next, sorry for the long post you're about to receive... So I don't really know where or how to start but I guess I'll ramble. Alright well about myself I am a male that is 18 turning 19. Growing up I've kinda felt that I might not be completely straight, however because my family isn't the most accepting or understanding of these things I tried to ignore my thoughts and push them far from me. The thing is growing up I've had no problem with the LGBT community, I've been very open minded and accepting, however for some reason I continued build this own cage around myself, and although I've been open minded of the subject I had this internal phobia of what my personal sexual orientation might be and it got really bad. I did everything I could to tell myself that completely straight. I really believed despite how obvious it was to myself that I was putting effort to ignore it. Recently... About a week or so ago I told myself that I should stop being so afraid that I should accept it since I knew it was normal, but the part of me the spent so long fighting it was so strong it's been hard. (I'll get back to this in a bit) So here I am almost positive I am bisexual. I've checked out guys before, I've found some male anime characters extremely attractive, and I have found some real males cute though not as much as in anime, and embarrassing to admit but **TMI Alert** ^^I ^^did ^^try ^^pleasuring ^^myself ^^via ^^an ^^alternate ^^place and may have really enjoyed it... However, all those time my internal barrier kept trying to fight it telling myself it isn't me, but obviously it is... Though I don't believe that means much. However I do get attracted to a lot more females than I do males(I'll get back to this point later) So to get back on those two points from before, because I've recently been trying to lose that internal cage I've built I've been feeling less awkward/weird about my same sex fantasies and kind actually enjoyed them... I've also looked at the Kinsey Scale and got a 2. However I honestly feel it would be higher if I never locked myself internally growing up (Will talk about this again) Second point in attraction, I've never been in a same sex relation before because of the internal fight mentioned earlier but recently slowly breaking the cage I've been wanting one but I'm too shy about it and well scared (Not sure of what). The other problem is the cage as I keep putting it, is not completely gone which is making me more stressed and confused since every time I do think I'm attracted my mind "attacks" me and I have an idea of the types of guy I might like but it's less on looks and more personality, however still really really picky on looks as superficial as that sounds. So from that it's harder for me to feel the same attraction as I do to females. I've noticed I can be attracted to transgender people as well. So as I'm slowly breaking my cage I've been feeling better and more comfortable. However there is this strange doubt in me still but I really honestly feel I am bisexual but I am so lost... I've mentioned to 3 of my close friend who are gay/bi that I believe I'm bi which made me feel more comfortable as well. To which one even said they already thought as much that I was. They were supportive and said it was okay and normal which I know full well but for some reason still unsure and uncomfortable but less so than before. I guess my reason for writing this is to both let out most of everything on my mind and to get more thoughts and opinion to what I am... I'd like to also apologies if I said anything that sounded ignorant or stupid I really didn't mean it so please correct me if so. Thank you all. **I'm writing this on my phone so when I get home I'll try to add or improve/fix it if needed**
Hi FloofyPotato (liking the name for some reason!). Well... if you asked me what I thought you were, I would agree with you and say you're probably bisexual. There's definitely a fair stack of evidence to suggest you're attracted to guys, because of the fact that you've enjoyed it and felt yourself expending mental energy trying to steer your mind away from guys at times. So I'm guessing, if you let your mind and eyes wander without any previous intentions or preconceptions, they'd take you to guys basically? As for the internal cage, don't beat yourself up about it- it's a perfectly natural reaction for anyone going through this or anything similar. Your mind has been in a default setting regarding this question for a long time now, so such a radical shift was never likely to take place so quickly and smoothly. I may be in that stage myself, since every same-sex thing I think starts a thought process which could be rationalisation of something that's fairly obvious. The main thing- don't treat yourself harshly for having this cage, because you're contending with some very strong mental forces that can remain in place through months or years of contradicting thoughts and experience. And don't let it get you down, either. The best thing really is not to think about it too much, or treat it as a puzzle which can be reasoned out systematically. Whenever you find yourself doing circles in your head, just stop. Find something else to do, or someone to talk to about it. Continuing will usually bear no fruit and just make you sad. You don't have to have all the answers right now, and you don't need a label to be you. I'd say more important than finding out is not allowing the process of finding out to grind you down. So yeah, to me it does seem like you're bisexual. I'm not sure how helpful my post was, exactly... of course respond if there's anything still missing for you. Welcome
