Hey, I'm a 15 year old girl and I'm confused as to if I'm a lesbian or transgender. I've been a tomboy for all I can remember and I know that I'm not attracted to guys. I never look at one and think 'Oh I'm really attracted to him', just something like 'Yeah I guess he's good-looking'. But its a whole other story when it comes to girls. I've been emotionally attracted to them since I was 8 or 9 when I first fancied a girl. It never really occurred to me then that I was not 'normal' but I never told anyone. When I moved up to secondary school I became friends with a girl at 12 and I fell in love almost immediately. I know it sounds a bit unrealistic that I was 12 but I would have died for her. At first I thought that she might have felt the same way, I felt like I was getting silent messages. For instance when I joined Facebook (sounds stupid but please stay with me) she literally ran up to me and hugged me like 'OMG YOU GOT FACEBOOK' and I was like 'Errr... OK'. Things like that kept happening throughout the year.Then we drifted apart the next year because we were put in different classes but because we are in the same tutor group I would glance towards her quite a lot (I couldn't help it, I genuinely couldn't stop myself) and every now and again I would catch her looking first - It was probably just a coincidence though, don't take my word for it. I realised a year ago that it was most-likely my imagination as I am pretty sure she is straight, I've never gotten a gay vibe from her. I keep wishing it was true though. Ever since that year I have kept getting these horrible feelings. I felt so depressed and have gotten to an almost suicidal point dozens of times. I considered hurting myself but I knew that it wouldn't help anything so I never did it. I still love her, but I know that she will probably never love me back. ANYWAY, getting back to my original point, I think I am lesbian but for a long time I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin, I always knew I was a fairly masculine girl and considered that maybe I was transgender. However now I've had more time to think about it, I don't think that living in a male body would appeal any more to me and besides, I'm 5 foot 2 and I think that height probably suits females better . If any of you who actually read this all the way through has gone through something similar, please please please talk to me about it. Sorry for making it so long.
You could have a look here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gende...9807-figuring-out-my-gender-identity-s.html#4 You don't have to come to the same conclusion as the next poster.. Well straight people know they are straight without experience, too... Concerning your friend, you might think about eventually talking to her. It could relieve you. And, well, you could stop seeing her on a pedestal. You might try to get to know another human being, see what you have in common, and take it from there... Well your height should not have anything to do what you would like... there are men and trans people of all sizes... You could play around a bit with clothing and hair style... it can be real fun... a source could be second hand shops... you could try unisex or mens trousers... sweaters one or two sizes bigger... You could have a look at other threads, there was a thread on crossdressing stating many women wear mens trousers, for example... Please look for help in time if you have depressions. You might talk to a counselor, or a counselor at school... and you might call here, for example: Mermaids Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans (LGBT) links | The Eddystone Trust Is there something like a GSA at your school, or at another one ? Or is there a lgbt center with groups and activities in your vicinity ? hugs
Hey! I've been through something similar. I fell in love with a really close friend at the age of 12. She was always talking about gay rights and stuff, so that's how I started figuring things out. Then we got into an argument and I overreacted because I loved her. And then we rebecame friends, but we don't talk anymore. I've finally gotten over her too, so that feels pretty amazing. I was also a tumboy for as long as I can remember (I tried peeing standing up when I was 5 and the teacher got mad at me cuz, well... it didn't work), most of my friends are guys, I play "masculine" sports, and don't dress very feminine, and have short-ish hair. I hope that shows you that you're not alone. You don't have to find a label quite yet, but if you feel like coming out when you're sure (you won't ever be sure, but you can get pretty close). Questioning your sexual orientation and gender identity can feel really tough and lonely at times, so it's good to have someone to talk to. Maybe you should consider talking about it with a friend or family member, someone you're close to.
Thanks Thank you both, advice is appreciated. I can't talk to her about it though and I don't think that I can control how I see her. And I was joking about my height, just so you know Also, I am not aware of any GSAs or LGBT groups around my area. People here tend to say that they are all for gay-rights but I'm not too sure if they really are, and I have never seen a gay couple in my city, let a loan locally. Thanks again
