I'm not 100% sure of my orientation. Mainly because I'm repressed and have some HOCD. I find it very hard to know if I'm attracted to someone. That makes it very hard to figure out my orientation. I know that I'm not straight, I use the label queer when people ask for a label. I feel kind of strange saying that because I'm not politically queer and I'm pretty repressed. I feel the most comfortable identifying as gay, but I'm often scared that I'm not actually gay and just a fake. I don't like the labels bi, pan or questioning because I feel like those labels force me to be with men. I don't like that idea.
It is okay not to know your orientation right away. many people on here took a while to find their orientation and some are still looking.
I'd say relax and take the time you need. (*hug*) You might have a look at this: Am I Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgender? There is romantic and sexual attraction... and some people say they need an emotional connection first... Usually straight people feel they are straight, without experience. Your thinking if you are gay might be a sign in itself. People are not digital beings, like 0 or 100%. They are analogous beings. hugs
I've been trying to figure out my orientation for four years. I just feel so pathetic. I see a lot of people who are out and proud. They make me feel so pathetic.
Please know you are not alone. I could have written every word in your post. Some days are harder than others, aren't they? My experience has been that love finds you when you least expect it. Sounds silly, but for me it was true. I always "thought" I was interested in men but I think my attraction to women was extremely repressed. I have been struggling with the label issue for over a year now. But really, in the end, it's about who you love and how well you love them. Not what your label is. Be patient with yourself and be brave with your feelings even if it's scary. Life is too short. If you fall in love with a man or a woman, it doesn't matter. I use queer for my label too. Hang in there.
I think everyone who isn't strictly heterosexual goes through a confusing phase of figuring out their sexuality. Often people who are out and proud about who they are have overcome similar battles that you are facing right now. Don't underestimate your strength and please don't feel ashamed for not knowing who you are/who you like yet; feel proud that you are willing to explore. It takes a lot of courage to be fully honest with yourself and I think you should recognize that.
Sporn, it took me a good chunk of my late-teens to mid-20s before I finally figured it out (and was willing to accept it). There are many reasons why it takes some longer than others to figure out (and accept) their sexuality. It can be social pressures, lack of awareness of LGBT people/issues, natural delay in feelings/desires, etc. Think of it like puberty: some people enter it at age 8 for others age 18. Don't feel rushed. Being LGBT is not an easy thing to be, no matter where you live. But, coming to terms with what you are (whatever that may be) is a beautiful thing and ought to be explored with body and mind. You'll get there, and this forum and there to support you on your journey.
I think the best thing to think about is that labels exist to help you define yourself, but you might not fit cleanly into one box or another. You are a person with certain characteristics, and a bunch of adjectives to choose from to describe yourself, but you might not feel comfortable with any of them or you might be unsure of how well these words really describe you. And that's perfectly fine! Society does demand labels and coming out is somewhat easier when you've got one. I came out as "not-straight" to one friend just because I wasn't sure how she'd receive "queer". I personally identify as queer internally but I'm never sure if it's an okay word to use around others given its history, so I always double-check with them first. But it's taken years to get to this point. For a while I identified internally as bi, but after I heard about queer as a label it slowly became more comfortable to me. Once in a while I still sort of stress about if I "deserve" to identify as queer because my appearance doesn't seem to fit that label (whatever that means), but I'm trying to overcome that sort of thinking. Sorry for all this rambling but what I'm trying to say is stuff can change as you learn more about yourself. Take whatever label feels comfortable to you, and if none of them feel right at the moment that's perfectly fine. Or you could choose not to label There are a lot of different kinds of attraction (romantic, sexual, platonic, etc.) and it can be really hard to tell which one you're feeling Here's an article from AVEN on a few different types of attraction: http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Attraction
I've been on AVEN before. I didn't really find it helpful. I already over analyze my attractions too much. ---------- Post added 18th Feb 2015 at 01:31 AM ---------- I don't think coming to terms with who I am is beautiful. To me it seems pathetic. Mainly because I'm at the same point I was when I was fourteen. I suspect this is because I can't get over a crush. I just feel stuck and I hate it.
If you're trying to determine sexual orientation, I'd avoid AVEN, as their information appears to be, for the most part, not based on current thinking or research in the psychology and sexology fields, but on a consensus-based reality with no grounding in anything solid. Likewise, using oddball labels that aren't commonly used is usually not very helpful, as you end up having to explain yourself anyway. The traditional purpose of a label, to the extent they have any value, is to convey commonly-understood meaning to others. Some people use them to please themselves and feel like they've got something to identify with, but that's essentially an artificial attempt at "belonging" and usually isn't actually very helpful. If you have actual OCD -- meaning, you have obsessive or compulsive thoughts other than just about your sexuality -- then it is worthwhile talking to a therapist about that because OCD is essentially a malfunction of the same neurotransmitter pathways as anxiety, and anxiety can interfere with the sort of vulnerability necessary to identify your feelings and know exactly what's going on with your attraction and sexual orientation. I separate OCD from HOCD because nobody credible recognized HOCD as a standalone disorder, any more than anyone recognizes "flipping light switches OCD" or "not stepping on cracks OCD"... it's all part of the same disorder. If you don't have the symptoms that match OCD, then you don't have OCD, which means you don't have HOCD. This is a solvable problem. But the solution won't be found in unrecognized labels; it's in exploring what's in the way of really feeling your feelings and getting to know yourself better through the process of opening up to the vulnerability necessary to understand yourself.
If you're trying to determine sexual orientation, I'd avoid AVEN, as their information appears to be, for the most part, not based on current thinking or research in the psychology and sexology fields, but on a consensus-based reality with no grounding in anything solid. Likewise, using oddball labels that aren't commonly used is usually not very helpful, as you end up having to explain yourself anyway. The traditional purpose of a label, to the extent they have any value, is to convey commonly-understood meaning to others. Some people use them to please themselves and feel like they've got something to identify with, but that's essentially an artificial attempt at "belonging" and usually isn't actually very helpful. If you have actual OCD -- meaning, you have obsessive or compulsive thoughts other than just about your sexuality -- then it is worthwhile talking to a therapist about that because OCD is essentially a malfunction of the same neurotransmitter pathways as anxiety, and anxiety can interfere with the sort of vulnerability necessary to identify your feelings and know exactly what's going on with your attraction and sexual orientation. I separate OCD from HOCD because nobody credible recognized HOCD as a standalone disorder, any more than anyone recognizes "flipping light switches OCD" or "not stepping on cracks OCD"... it's all part of the same disorder. If you don't have the symptoms that match OCD, then you don't have OCD, which means you don't have HOCD. This is a solvable problem. But the solution won't be found in unrecognized labels; it's in exploring what's in the way of really feeling your feelings and getting to know yourself better through the process of opening up to the vulnerability necessary to understand yourself.
