So. There's a girl that I've just recently befriended, we get along really well and all that jazz. She's really sweet and I enjoy talking to her, but I don't want our relationship to lead to anything more. This has actually happened quite a few times now that I think about it... I don't know if it's a subconscious thing of me being afraid of sex or being in a relationship in general. I do still feel attraction to people of all genders, but I have no kind of sexual desire. Why is this? I assumed this was due to me not being fully transitioned, but now that I think about it I don't know how well I'm going to do in a relationship at any time of my transition. I'm not trying to find a label for this, I would just like to know if it's a fairly common thing. Thanks.
hmm, i don't think there has to be a reason for you not experiencing sexual attraction. it's hard not to think you're weird when you're surrounded by sexually active people (in my experience), but what you like is what is normal for you, and there doesn't have to be some explanation for it. maybe the sexual desire would come when you became close to someone that you really like and are attracted to? who knows. i don't think there is any feeling that is only experienced by one person, so you can be sure there are plenty of people out there who feel the same way you do. i know i feel apprehensive about sex with a new person, but for me there is usually the desire to have sex... somewhere in there.
My main concern with this is the fact that I'll (not consciously) ruin relationships with people in order to prevent any kind of progression in the relationship.
You could be an asexual/biromantic basically you don't feel sexually attracted to people but you do feel romantically attracted to them. I know this because I label myself as biromantic
I see. I didn't actually know there was a label for it. I guess maybe later on in life I could come around to the idea of sex. I mean, I'm actually not all that fussed about sex itself, it's just the matter of the relationships. Only time will tell, yes?
I wouldn't be overly concerned with your fears. This is all "coming of age" stuff you are going through. You are still in a confusing time of your life. Puberty, adolescence, and all that jazz. Given your home situation, you probably haven't had a healthy relationship to model your behavior off of (what my therapist brought up with me.) As you mature, so will your ability to keep and hold a relationship. It takes failures to learn and grow. So, what happens to sabotage your relationships? That would be the thing to try to learn to prevent. What are the things you do, don't worry about the why for now.
I tend to find myself feeding doubt to the other person. I also tend to get very paranoid, to the point of which I begin to annoy them. It's a lot of kinda saying "are you sure you like me?" and things along those lines. I only just recently noticed this is a repeated habit, that's come up even before I found out the shenanigans between my parents.
You know, a person wouldn't be with you if they didn't like you. I know, I have a hard time dealing with that one myself. I sometimes still feel like the freak I felt I was at 13, 14, and 15. I grew 11 inches (28cm) in one year. I was a boy in a man sized body. Nobody ever told me I was good looking, or that they liked me. I had plenty of friends but no sex, or romance. It wasn't until college and later that I got at all comfortable approaching girls to date. Don't expect all this stuff to make sense anytime soon. Life can get confusing in the best of situations. We don't come with an owners manual for when we don't know what's going on. The dash board lights are blinking, but we are often left with a blank stare on our face (or worse,) when we can't figure out what is wrong with us. Self-confidence, self-doubt, all normal for your age. So, start reading up about that, and ways you can over come these things. And make yourself aware when you are thinking, feeling, and starting to question yourself. Make yourself not say anything. Say to yourself, "We wouldn't be together if we didn't like each other." This is also something you can talk to your mom about. Normal relationship advice. And of course, always on here.
As you become more and more comfortable within yourself, you will find it more and more easy to relate to others. Don't necessarily take the relationships of other generations as example. Often people did not communicate and did simply expect things... or didn't really say what they mean... well you could make it better. You could just communicate your needs... talking it out. Have some self confidence. You probably are a nice person, so you have something to offer. And obviously there are people who like you for who you are. Just relax... Concerning sex... for more in general you might have a look at scarleteens , they are lgbt friendly. just take your time, but know you can work around disphoria. Others do it, too. And there are many ways to have a fulfilling relationship with or without penetrative sex. Many people wait with that anyways until they are older. Until then you could just cuddle and enjoy yourselves. hugs
