So I've read so much on here about how porn is a bad indication of sexual orientation. I've always watched lesbian porn. I remember it started out as an infatuation with a female celebrity when I was 11 or 12 and I accidentally discovered a topless picture of her and then I started watching girl/girl kissing videos and then eventually lesbian porn. I was never even remotely curious about men. I've found that I don't really want to see naked men or have to touch them in any way. It's a repulsing thought. And since I've read all the comments about this, I thought well maybe I'm not into girls then? But the thing is, is like I'm pretty sure I'm not into guys at all. I've dated two, hooked up with another. All very short-term and weird and uncomfortable experiences. And it's like, well maybe you just haven't found the right guy, maybe that's why those guys didn't work out. But I don't really think that's it. I don't think it was them, I think it was more me. Last year, I hooked up with my friend a few times well we were drinking. We had talked about it before hand and we were only going to because I was feeling insecure about only having kissed one person at the age of 20 and still being very sexually inexperienced. So some sexually things happened and I wasn't attracted to him at all and it was so weird. Then I decided that since I had some new recent experience that maybe I could try dating and later in the year I met this guy and I wasn't really super attracted to him like it was almost like I was convincing myself that he was cute. It only lasted two months. I didn't have any romantic feelings for him. I only felt butterflies when we held hands. I didn't even like kissing him. I just kept thinking that I wanted it to be over. Over the past year, I've also thought about what it'd be like to be with a woman, both sexually and romantically. I feel like it'd be a whole different experience dating a woman, a better experience if I might add. I've started to see women and it's like wow I wouldn't mind kissing her or touching her. I don't feel repulsed by women the way I do by men. Women seem beautiful and soft and I feel like that's what I want. But I'm scared that I'm wrong and that it's all in my head because I watch too much lesbian porn.... but then on the other side, it's like I don't think I could be happy with a man....
Porn can be a bad indicator, especially if you are addicted, but sometimes it can indeed work as a indicator. That was my case.
Well, as a lesbian myself, I started off with lesbian porn and became addicted for a while. Then when I grew older, I became disgusted/turned-off by it because I think most lesbian porn is just....homophobic and sexist? And not realistic at all? That's why most of us say It's a bad indicator, but your personal feelings toward women would be a good one.
I agree with what Chiroptera said. I think it's good that advice articles tend to say not to use porn as the only indicator but for me it was definitely a significant part of the picture. I wouldn't ever use it as the main reason but I'd certainly take it into account.
It's the same for me. Before I went out with a girl, I enjoyed being with her and imagined dating her. However as soon as that happened, she stared following me like a dog on a leash and so I didn't like that. I also have commitment issues. What confuses me is that I got rushes of excitement and an erection just from holding her hand. I've always seen guys as friends, even when I developed a fetish/fantasy for older men, or men in general with power and looked tough. My addiction to porn has been so severe that I've acted on it once with an older man near my area, over the webcam. The whole thing felt weird and in the end I did not enjoy it. Felt terrible about it ever since. Whenever I see those kinds of men, it triggers my anxiety and then it goes overdrive. Like you, in my mind it's almost like the experience would be much better than a woman, but the fact that it's incestious throws me off in reality but not in fantasy. I agree that porn can mess up your mind, and since I've been watching it for 7 years Im concerned that its consequences have begun. So recently, I've tried to look at my orientation from a relationship standpoint. When it comes to guys, I've never had crushes/feelings for them. I always saw them as friends. Secondly, the relationship I seek with men comes with a power imbalance, which I'm still trying to figure it out why. I've considered bi, so I'll look into that more. Maybe you are similar?
I have always had similar feelings toward men, and I now identify as lesbian. My honest deduction from your post is that you also may be lesbian, but that is certainly not for me to say. What do you think? Do you have any gut feelings about your sexual orientation? Is there anyone with whom you might discuss the questions in your mind? Good luck.
