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anxiety spike

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by SoulSearcher, Feb 16, 2015.

  1. SoulSearcher

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    Ugh here we go again
    I was watching a vlog and out of 3 guys hanging out, one was shirtless, and i noticed he was very attractive looking. He had a great body and attractive face and seemed to have a fun personality. Basically what i wish i looked like. So when i saw him i thought wow hes amazing you should like him, hes attractive and hes shirtless. I got nervous when looking at him, got a slight gronial response and then the camera when to his face and i thought wow his lips look kissable. I freaked out and started shaking. I took some time to calm down and when i was ready i came back to the video and watched it back. I saw him shirtless again and i got no gronial response, and i saw his face and his lips didnt look kissable they just looked like normal lips. So now im more confused on what this means, i analyzed it after it happened and i feel like because i saw him as a guy that was so amazingly good looking i put him on such a pedastool, telling myself that i should be attracted to him, and the fact that i got some tiny reaction and an unwanted thought, that i got a response.
    Because once my anxiety calmed down, i didnt respond the same way to the material. I dont have any interest in kissing him, or doing anything sexual with him. So why did this happen? Or what if my denial kicked in and when i calmed down i just somehow repressed this attraction. Could this be due to my porn use that i described in my previous thread. Otherwise im just upset and confused now. I want to choose a label, but gay doesnt feel right, i feel like saying bi would be lying, and dont want to say straight because this crappy things keep happening. Im not really looking for answers, just maybe some thoughts to throw around :frowning2: anyone?:bang:
     
  2. SonicBoom

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    #2 SonicBoom, Feb 16, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2015
  3. Ebro1122

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    I *highly* suggest you research something called Homosexual OCD or HOCD. You are describing a thought pattern similiar to what people who suffer with it go through.
     
  4. Jax12

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    Sounds just like me.

    Anxiety has it's own way to confuse you to the point where at one point, you think that what you're so concerned about is true.

    Basically, when I see a guy like Alec Baldwin or Dean Norris, my anxiety level spikes up tremendously, and it does not feel good at all. Talking those individuals seems to do the trick, though. Sometimes, I'll get so stressed that even a label won't do anything to me. I've realized that the day I started having those thoughts, I've used porn as a way to relieve the stress and anxiety that came with the thoughts. That's probably why since I haven't watched porn for a month now, my anxiety is out of control.

    Many times, I'll tell myself I'm gay, you like dick, and that's that! Stop confusing yourself! Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. In the end, I'll end up questioning myself once again. It goes the same for being straight and bi. At times, I'll convince myself that I'm bi just because I can imagine myself giving someone an old man a blowjob, but thoughts like this alone drive me insane, and my brain will just give up and stick with the gay label, at least for a bit.

    But when I worked today, a girl (who was patron) had a question and when she touched my arm to get my attention, I had a rush of excitement and couldn't help but stare at her. I'm not sure if gay people go through this.

    However, as SonicBoom as stated, you need to calm down. I know exactly what you mean when the thoughts you have do not feel good to you. You are not alone. I'm seeing a psyhcologist right now, and shes been helping me find out what is going on.