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scared to be a lesbian

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by water demon, Feb 18, 2015.

  1. water demon

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    I'm pretty sure that I'm a lesbian . I've always felt an attraction to girls and have had a crush on one of my straight friends (unfortunately). However I've only dated guys and I'm scared to start dating girls. I'm scared that if I start dating girls i'll just be seen as a lesbian but what if I'm wrong and that's not me? I don't want anyone to know about me until I know for sure but how can I really know without doing anything? Its a vicious cycle and I just don't know what to do.
     
  2. XenaxGabby

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    It's okay to be unsure of your sexuality and still date different people. Did you enjoy your relationships with men? You could try dating a girl and see if you like it. You could be bisexual. Don't worry about labelling yourself right now. Also talking with other people who are LGBTQ is a good idea so you can hear about their experiences. Kind of like what you are doing right now.
     
  3. water demon

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    With the guys it was more of a lonely at the time kind of thing. I just wanted to be with someone and to know they maybe someone would want to be with me. There was never really any type of attachment though, at least not on my part.

    I just don't want to say i'm one thing and it turns out i was wrong but now people have this completely different view of me and who I am. I'm scared to try because I don't know what will happen, but i'm not happy and that is the part that sucks the most :confused:
     
  4. ellyy

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    You can know without doing anything. Sexual orientation is who you are attracted to, and you can know who you are attracted to without being physical with or dating someone.
    If you still really want to date a girl can't you keep it a secret at least for a bit until things have gotten a bit clearer for you?
     
  5. paris

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    Hm, with dating guys you were just lonely and wasn't really into them but still you dated them without worrying what it says about your sexuality. With girls on the other hand, you've always felt attracted to them, and have a crush on one, but you keep worrying it may put a lesbian label on you. Why do you think is that?
    The way I see it, this is you bargaining and reasoning why you can't start dating girls because deep down you're pretty scared you actually might be a lesbian. It's quite understandable you feel that way because there's a huge difference between knowing one is lesbian and accepting it. (*hug*)
    I believe you just need more time to get more comfortable about the possibility of being a lesbian first because the more you accept that, the less scared you become.
     
  6. DarkestDream

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    I agree with paris on this. Take the time to feel comfortable with the possibility of that aspect of yourself. I know when I first came out, I was very tentative. I actually started talking to people online first, getting to know people as you're doing here. This gave me the confidence to accept myself and how I felt as being okay, and reduced my worry of how other people 'might' view me. (*hug*)
     
  7. itsmary

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    I feel you.
    I have only been with guys and I'm scared of people reactions when I get a gf (if I ever do lol)
     
  8. jay777

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    #8 jay777, Feb 20, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2015
  9. lilstar04

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    you can only know if you are attracted to the same sex once you have a crush on a girl who you do know like other girls (or curious) then you can tell her how you feel and if you can kiss her to find out if are gay. In general you might get luckier findin curious girls rather than openly gay girls. Imagine if they were all shy like you how in the world would you know if you don't ask and if they don't tell. some answers particularly in sexuality doesn't come easy, you have to experience to know.
     
  10. KaydenWidz

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    I understand being scared about your orientation. Somethings friends and family members can be....less than supportive to be vague. Like the first commenter said, have you enjoyed your relationship with the guys youve been with? also, Do you find women more attractive than men? I personally perfer women (physically) than men, but would rather be in a relationship with a man because to be honest, women can be alot of drama sometimes. If you're unsure, you could try having a girlfriend if you have a person, other than that straight girl u mentioned sadly, that you are interested in. Or Do some "soul searching". However you want to do that is up to you. I usually either meditate or have a brainstorm of sorts in a journal, just letting your feelings flow onto paper or into a blog/word doc/etc.

    Also Please remember that "lesbian" is really just a label. If you dont want to Identify as Lesbian, you really dont have to. If youre unsure, thats cool and normal. Some people, it takes years for them to realize if they are gay or straight...or somewhere in between. Take your time, dont feel like u have to rush to label your self. Live life, try things u think you will like (safely mind you), and figure things out as they go. Dont let society push you into a label that you may not fit into later. As humans, we change quite often. I've gone from Bi Cisgender to Agender and Pansexual since I graduated high school. So dont stress too much about it. But good luck anyway. And if you feel you want to come out as a Lesbian, we will be here to help you with that if you want as well. Blessed Be, Kayden
     
  11. silverhalo

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    Hey if you are unsure about lesbian or think you may have feelings for guys you can go with bisexual or not straight or even questioning. I actually had this fear a lot before I came out but eventually I said to myself ok so I come out as gay and then fall in love with a guy what is the worst that is going to happen. People may talk for a while but then it will fade away as these things do, as long as you are happy that's all that matters.

    Sometimes these fears become worse the closer you get to coming out, I think it is because you are heading towards the point of no return and it seems scary. It's perfectly normal to feel like this dont worry.