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How did you know for sure that you were gay/lesbian

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by chair4ever, Feb 19, 2015.

  1. chair4ever

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    Hi Everyone,

    I've been questioning for awhile, but am almost 100% sure that I'm not straight. I keep changing my mind and don't feel like I can commit to being gay yet.

    My question is: How did you know for sure that you were gay/lesbian. As in, when was your 'a-ha moment' or what lead up to you feeling comfortable telling people what your sexual orientation was without any doubts. I know there isn't like a banner flying in the sky telling you, but what helped you feel secure in your orientation?

    Thanks!!!!!!!
     
  2. computergeek5

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    Time will help you tell. I spent 20 years suppressing my homosexual feelings. I would always tell myself I will stop watching gay porn next week. Guess what? I never stopped. Eventually my true feelings for men I found attractive caught up to me and I couldn't deny them anymore. I had sex with a woman, woke up and told myself I'm still attracted to men. I still fantasize about guys. As I begin letting the homosexual feelings flow in I am becoming more comfortable everyday with accepting and understanding myself. Suppression is not a good thing to do. There is no ah ha 100% I know for sure moment, well at least for me there wasn't but it's been 8 months for me and I'm far more accepting of myself than I was back then. I'm feeling more comfortable labeling myself as gay but I'm holding off on telling more people until I am 100% comfortable and understand myself. Don't sweat it, it's not a race to have to identify yourself right away nor tell anyone. (*hug*)
     
  3. Fallingdown7

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    Based on the fact that a) I kept having consistent crushes on girls and b) I find straight sex repulsive beyond all hell : P
     
  4. Hiems

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    It kinda just happened for me over time. I keep thinking about guys no matter what, whether they're in my fantasies, daydreams, or dreams. They cannot escape my thoughts. Eventually I was like "duh, I'm obviously gay" :lol:
     
  5. Drednaught

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    Well, one day, when I was 16, I was going to the bathroom and while I was in there I started to think about who I might end up with later in life (because I never really thought about that stuff at all) and I started thinking about a few males. After I examined what I was thinking I thought, "I'm gay...? Alright then." and I pretty much knew from then on. It's kind of anticlimactic really because I had no negative feelings to that discovery, but I guess that's just a result of my curiosity. (coupled with the fact that I also live with open minded parents)
     
  6. raiden04

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    I think what cemented it for me was the fact that I hadn't checked out girls in a very long time. That's when I fully accepted it.
     
  7. MotelGuy

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    Back when I was just starting puberty, my brother, my cousins and I would oggle at pretty girls...However, unlike them, I felt no attraction to those girls...But, whenever I saw hot guys I felt attracted to them...
     
  8. Anexd

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    A girl kissed me and I finally started questioning and after a while I accepted that I was probably not just straight - It was a long a-ha process but when I finally accepted myself for being who I was I finally felt comfortable telling other people about it.
     
  9. sbdn910

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    I realized that I enjoyed sex with the girl who I was dating; however, it was just the sensation of having sex that was so pleasurable. In due time, I realized that I wasn't all that attracted to her and was able to come out to my family and friends about three months ago. I do not broadcast my sexuality just as most straight people do not feel the need to broadcast their heterosexuality.

    My experience was similar to computergeek5 in that there was no particular "a-ha moment" but rather a series of moments that allowed me to clearly analyze and eventually determine my sexuality.

    Hang in there!
     
  10. guitar

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    For me it was a slow process. Beginning with noticing good looking guys to starting to learn about gay people & the lifestyle. Watching a few gay movies, TV shows and documentaries started to open my mind to the possibility this might be more than a bromance. Then one night I had a serious and long discussion with an acquaintance who's gay and getting to vent my feelings, frustrations, fears and desires to him cemented it. Plus we ended the night making out & it felt so right. That left no doubt in my mind.

    ---------- Post added 21st Feb 2015 at 11:09 AM ----------

    BTW, sbdn910: Danejah zoooone! :slight_smile:
     
  11. pinkpanther

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    The first part happened around the time when I was a teenager. I think I was 16 and at that point I had stopped trying to look at girls. I was attracted to guys so much that it was all I could think about. That's when it became obvious to me that I was a homosexual to the bone. I did try dating girls later, but I really didn't feel anything romantic about them. They were cute but I just wasn't feeling it. It's like dating a tree. It's beautiful and all but you don't feel anything toward it.

    Part deux was when I got my first boyfriend around the age of 19. The kissing, the emotions, the touching, everything felt right. It's was an earth shattering experience for me. That's when I finally realized that my heterosexual potential was so low that the only way for me to be happy was to be with a guy.
     
  12. YuriBunny

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    I realized how right it felt. It made perfect sense and explained a lot of my feelings. I started to feel like I was meant to love girls. And I couldn't get them off of my mind! ^.^ I think it also helped to read about other girls' experiences about finding out they were gay. I could relate a lot to them.
     
  13. Emily1

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    My 'aha-moment' happened right before I had kissed a girl. We were laying in bed and we were super close to the point where our noses were touching. We both just lay there in silence for a few seconds and I felt this overwhelming urge to kiss her. I remember even saying that I couldn't be that close and not kiss her. She then looked me in the eye, pulled my body into hers and forcefully pressed her lips onto mineā€¦ I had never felt so sexually attracted to someone like that before. From that moment on, I knew I was a lesbian, not bi.
     
  14. XenaxGabby

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    When I had my first crush ever (on a girl) at 14. A few months after some soul-searching I realized that I could never see myself with a man in a romantic/sexual relationship.
     
  15. wanderinggirl

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    Everyone's experience is different, but I've been questioning for 2 years and only recently have things begun solidifying. Sure I had inklings, like a moment of panic when I was 10 (though I don't remember how it was brought on) and times when I felt weird that I didn't like any guys so I'd force myself to crush on someone... but I just assumed I was straight by default. My relationships with guys were so complicated and involved.

    The only thing that makes me feel sure that I'm gay is that my crushes on girls are so simple. My feelings for them are so easy. I don't know that I've ever felt this way with a guy.

    I remain open to the possibility that one day I'd change my mind, but for now life seems so simple when I'm with women and so complicated when I'm with men as anything more than friends. It comes up on an individual basis: I don't find anything wrong or inferior about guys as a whole, but when it comes to feelings for individuals, I have had much richer experiences with women.
     
  16. EpicConfusion

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    I'm still not 100% confident with my orientation, I still have unreasonable doubt's sometimes. For me, the thing that helped me discover my sexuality was a crush on a male coworker. At first I just assumed I thought he was cool and I wanted to be his friend. But I started noticing that I was constantly staring at him, thinking about him, and trying to talk to him whenever I had a free moment. One day we we're talking during lunch on a pretty rough day, and he told me he was gay. Right then, I think that's when I knew. I thought about it extensively, and I decided that I couldn't really see myself spending my life with a girl like I could with a guy. I had never even thought of it before really, although subconsciously I had had some homoerotic fantasies, I had never thought of love or a relationship with the same sex. It was an epiphany.