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Need help understanding what I am?...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by JustMe121, Feb 19, 2015.

  1. JustMe121

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    So, I am a girl, just turned 20, and I am currently struggling understanding my sexuality completely. I realized a few months back that I was not completely straight but I have a hard time understanding how I know if I'm really bisexual or if I'm supposed to be a lesbian. :confused:
    I have had a boyfriend for a couple of years now that I love so much, I enjoy everything about him and I have no problem getting turned on during sex with him, he is seriously my world. Also when we first started dating I was madly in love with him, like any straight girl would be with a guy. I have also had very intense crushes on guys growing up (every crush I ever had on a male was an intense and long lasting). In high school I had a huge crush on a gorgeous athletic guy. I would purposely try to run into him and the whole package. He was seriously beautiful but my sexual attraction towards him and girls were totally different. I have known a long time that I am not completely straight at all.
    The problem is, I had crushes on girls growing up ranging from intense to minor, especially in high school but also now. Most of these were very brief and it is confusing because I was purely attracted to some but some of these crushes were strange because I wanted to be them and I envied them? But I also had the butterflies and wanted to be around them all the time. I always have anxiety over whether or not I am supposed to be bisexual or I'm just supposed to be a lesbian and I'm lying to myself. I get confused mainly because I am most def more physically attracted to girls. I get more excited when I think about kissing a girl I am attracted to and also it is easier for me to develop a crush on a girl than it is a guy.
    There is this girl in my circle of friends that I currently have a slight crush on and is openly bi. I think she is really sexy and sometimes I would love to throw her up against the wall and kiss her and I'm always trying to be around her. But I also like being with a male, I love feeling safe and protected and they make me feel sexy. I love when a guy grabs me and kisses me. (I get very turned on by the thought of Liam Hemsworth coming up and grabbing my ass lol) but I just feel more turned on to the thought of being physically close with a girl. Also I am not attracted to all hot women. Most sexy women I see as completely platonic and don't think anything about them other than they are pretty. I am very picky to whom I am attracted to man or woman. Sometimes I think my urge to get physical with a girl is because I never really have.
    Im just so confused because I have never had a sober encounter with a woman and i have fantasized about being with one an it turns me on so much. I also fantasize about men but less often unless I'm crushing huge on someone. Some days I find myself wanting to be with a girl and some days I want to be in the company of a man. I am not in denial because I am completely okay with being a lesbian but I so confused because I wouldn't want to rule men out of my life because i do enjoy them, but I am more attracted to women? They excite me more when it comes to being physical because they just are sexier but the thing is, I dot know if i could grow old with a woman? I have never found an older woman attractive, but I do older men. If I had to choose I would love to spend the rest of my life with a man, preferably my boyfriend because I truly love him so much. I just feel this strong urge to be intimate with a girl. Im so confused? Am I just bisexual with a preference or lesbian? Advice and opinions would be greatly appreciated! :bang:
     
  2. jay777

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    You could have a look here to give you a bit food for thought:
    Am I Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgender?

    You could have a look at kinsey tests, and some tests for romantical attraction...
    not to take them too seriously, just to give some thoughts...

    You seem to have a sexual attraction to women...
    do you also have a romantic attraction ?


    And, well, often its not necessary to have some experience to know...

    (*hug*)
     
  3. JustMe121

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    Thank you for your reply Jay777! I will put the sexual and romantic attraction subject this way…I couldn't be romantically into a woman unless i was 100% attracted to them but with a man I could fall in love with his personality without being completely attracted to his appearance. I only notice females I find attractive and I am not attracted by all beautiful women, there is only certain ones I become sexually attracted to. I really hope that made sense? lol