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I always come back to thinking I'm gay

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ellyy, Feb 20, 2015.

  1. ellyy

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    First of all, I don't think my sexuality is fluid it's just that I haven't exactly figured out all my feelings yet.

    Second, this isn't about finding a label for myself, it's about sorting out my feelings and I would really appreciate your help with that :slight_smile:

    So, anyway...

    I basically go back and forth between thinking I'm bisexual and a lesbian.

    I've told myself to settle on being bisexual because I like women however I'm not entirely sure if I like men.
    I'm scared to say I'm a lesbian since I don't know if I like guys. Maybe I do but I'm not sure..

    Yesterday I was just going through my day when I suddenly realized that I felt "gay", meaning I didn't really feel attracted to guys. Again, this always happens after I've seen myself as bisexual for a little while.

    I do have "feelings" for guys, but I don't know what they mean. There is this guy that I admire so much and I think he's very good looking and hot as well, but I don't think I'm sexually attracted to him which is weird since I already think he's got both the personality and the looks. But then at the same time I can look at a guy and get this feeling that he's really attractive in my chest but I don't know if it's sexual or romantic.

    Can people get this feeling in their chest from simply finding someone attractive while not being attracted to them?

    Why do you guys think I always come back to thinking I'm a lesbian after I've decided that I'm bi? But as I said, the cycle always continues and I start to think that maybe I'm bisexual again because of those feelings for guys..


    Any help is greatly appreciated, you don't even know.... (*hug*)(*hug*)
     
  2. Rouqe

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    Hey ellyy, it seems like we have a few thangs in common at the moment :3

    I have a bit of trouble discerning what I'm feeling after a while of identifying as bisexual too. There are times when I feel as if one preference is stronger than the other or one preference completely disappears. It can be tough with that fluctuation, maybe meet a few like-minded people and get to know them. I know for me after some kind of interaction with another person (romantically or sexually) my feelings of sexuality are reaffirmed and I feel better and more decided about myself (not saying you should be promiscuous though :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: )

    If you're unsure, try speaking to those around that you trust around you and start up a conversation about it, they might have some interesting viewpoints and you might have a bit of a realisation by verbalising what you're feeling. Bouncing ideas off good people is always great and it builds relationships with them too :grin:


    Also I think it is definitely possible to have that feeling in your chest from seeing someone and it doesn't necessarily have to be attraction related. It might just be that they look like the kind of person you'd enjoy being around.

    I know for me if I see someone and I get that warm, full feeling in my chest it's like "Hmmmm yeah, you're a nice looking person. I wouldn't mind being around you a little bit more and getting to know you because I think we could get along". Nothing explicitly sexual, just sometimes that sense of companionship is nice.

    Give it some time and thought, you'll figure out what you want and if you ever need the support there will be people on here and out there in your life too :slight_smile:
     
  3. itsmary

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    Hello Ellyy! I know how you feel!! Have you ever been with men?
    At first I thought I was bisexual because I sometimes feel attracted to some boys but I realized I was lesbian because once I had a relationship with them, I wasn't interested in them any longer!
    When I was 13 I thought I was in love with a guy (even though I kept on dreaming of a girl I knew) the thing is I started dating him and we kissed, after that I lost any interest in men for months. It was terribly awkward and disgusting! I don't like kissing men at all! Attraction, for me, is only a thought that vanishes once I intimate with these guys.

    But it won't happen the same with girls...
     
  4. ellyy

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    Thank you guys :slight_smile:
    Anyone else who have an idea of what I might be or what my feelings mean?
     
  5. lostluvr

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    maybe sumthing similar is happening to me cuz lately ive thought about guys..like feeling sortof sexually attracted to them but not like i want to have sex with one..this is what i fantasize: i picture myself in a bar and see a guy thats a skater guy tall slim sexy tight body then i picture myself grabing his hand and taking him sumwhere else and taking his shirt off and just undoing his pants..maybe giving him head..but mainly like just to watch him get really hard and cumming..but then being sortof like just a buddy..drinking beer hanging out not being together..and i dont like the idea of him touching me tho..it sortof repulses me actually..i only can picture and get horny by thinking of a girl touching me..what does this mean?
     
  6. Emily1

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    I can definitely relate. Lately I've been thinking that I'm a lesbian but I still hesitate from time to time about abandoning my bisexual label for the lesbian label. I have been thinking a lot and have come to the conclusion that I like turning guys on and pleasing them, but I don't like guys themselves. Hooking up with men is fun if I can tell that they are enjoying it but I definitely do not enjoy kissing them the same way I do kissing women. The feeling is totally different, I usually can't keep my hands off of the girl. I'm smart enough to know that I have actual sexual attraction to girls, and only girls, but still it seems hard to officially label myself as a lesbian.
    Not sure if this helped or not, just thought I would share my feelings and hopefully you can relate!