1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I'm ranting, just so y'all know...(Sexual Fluidity)

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Young Blood, Feb 21, 2015.

  1. Young Blood

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2014
    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Toronto-Canada
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I really hate all this sexual fluidity crap! Right now I'm in one of my "girl moments" (lack of a better term) and they're all I can think about. Problem is, I met this amazing guy who I'm really into and I know he's really into me, but now I'm starting to worry I don't feel the same. I mean, it's just girls. The way I felt about him is the way I'm starting to feel for girls, one in particular. I just feel weird around him now...this is scaring me! Is this really going to affect my relationships in the future?? My "moments" have never been this strong before. I literally had a full out anxiety attack last night because of this. I'm just so confused and scared and I really don't want to hurt this guy...does no one else have this problem or am I just really fucking weird?????? I literally want to cry...I hate this!
     
  2. Fafner

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2014
    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Norway
    First of all, (*hug*). Second, of course you're not weird, I too have periods of one or the other.
     
  3. Young Blood

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2014
    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Toronto-Canada
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Aww thanks (*hug*)

    But are they ever really strong enough for you to actually lose interest in the other sex? This is what's scaring me. We used to do all this cute romantic stuff together, and then I couldn't even talk to the guy last night...They're too extreme :/
     
  4. Fafner

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2014
    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Norway
    OK, I think I understand better what you mean. I can't really say I've experienced that, but then again I haven't really had that kind of romantic experience at all either. I don't know, could you maybe somehow talk to him about it? It migh be better to be upfront about it rather than, you know, act weird around him, he might interpret that the wrong way. But I don't know. I wish I could be of more help :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  5. Young Blood

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2014
    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Toronto-Canada
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I did talk to him and that's what was making my anxiety worse. He said that he has no problems with it and that if he gets hurt it'd be worth it and that stuff...but the point is, I shouldn't have to do this to him. I don't want this to put any strain on us when I get these moments...it's so unnecessary.
     
  6. Michael

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2014
    Messages:
    2,602
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Calm down... The only thing that is necessary is to avoid doing anything you might regret later. Take it easy with this guy, and don't do anything just because you feel it's the right thing or I'm supposed to do this. There is no obligations here, and you don't have to prove anything to anyone, including yourself.

    I'd keep him as a friend. Good friend if you want, but just friend.

    There is nothing wrong with being into girls. You won't turn automatically lesbian because you do stuff with girls, you know. Nothing to be ashamed of. To do stuff you don't really want to do, that would make you very ashamed of yourself, and you could end up hating yourself for going against your own wishes.

    Do what feels good to you, and forget about the world and its rules.

    (I share your opinion about girls, by the way :wink: )
     
  7. Young Blood

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2014
    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Toronto-Canada
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well I really like him, and I know he really likes me, so I don't think friends is gonna be good enough XD I know I want to be with him and I know I'm not going to turn lesbian. I'm not ashamed of liking girls, I just feel really confused because when these moments happen, my interest in the opposite sex diminishes for a while and it's only about girls. And then it'll flip and it'll be all about guys again. But I never know when that's going to happen...

    I don't care about the world...I care about his world. Our world.
     
  8. looking for me

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2014
    Messages:
    3,791
    Likes Received:
    869
    Location:
    on the Rock, Newfoundland and Labrador
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Aww, darlin (*hug*) i feel the swing between attractions but not as acute as you describe. maybe he'd be open to an "open relationship" maybe you would too? i don't know, just a suggestion.
     
  9. Young Blood

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2014
    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Toronto-Canada
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yeah, seems a lot of what I do is quite extreme. I suppose I'm the only one with these extreme swings. I've thought about that, but I'm not sure he'd be open to it or if it may just get super confusing for me as well as for him. I like the idea of monogamous relationships. I think that poly or open relationships would get kinda complicated...
     
  10. bicomplicated

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2014
    Messages:
    624
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    KY
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    It is actually normal. Bisexuality doesn't come with rules. As a general rule of thumb my attraction is usually about 60% to men 40% to women. Actually maybe not exactly that... probably closer to 50-50 but not quite cause a very SLIGHT preference for men usually. But there have been times when I only wanted women and I thought I didn't even want to be with men sexually, only women when these desires would pop up. This happened when I was dating my current boyfriend and he told me he had no problem with me having a girlfriend. And I realized, I wasn't turned off by men sexually when I wanted women. I just had thought I was because I was mentally in a funk and desired women and thought I couldn't have them while with a man. After I found a girlfriend it actually made my sex life with my boyfriend better. (I am not talking 3some; I don't do that. Just that I started having a better state of mind after having a girlfriend also to actually enjoy sex again with my boyfriend.) BUT if an open-polly relationship isn't for you and you want to stay with him, just keep talking to him about it and wait for it to pass and maybe discuss things you could do in the bedroom to satisfy you. good luck! :slight_smile:
     
  11. Rouqe

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2015
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Melbourne
    Gender:
    Male
    This ^

    For me these extreme swings are truly a normal occurrence. I've had periods where there was only attraction to one gender and the idea of the other wasn't even on the radar. I also found that when I started to become romantically interested in someone of the gender I was attracted to at the time, the desire for the other came back as well.

    Open relationships can get a little tricky but it doesn't mean you go out and have sex with someone all the time. I have a guy that I go out with to dinner every now and then and that's it, it's what I'm comfortable with and it keeps me from getting into a "funk" where I feel like it's exclusively one or the other.
     
  12. Young Blood

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2014
    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Toronto-Canada
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm probably more 50/50 too. And I should probably clarify that I'm an asexual and so is he, so sex and that isn't an issue for us. It's just these stupid swings...I've thought about open relationships, but I don't know. They don't feel right to me...

    ---------- Post added 27th Feb 2015 at 02:25 PM ----------

    Omg, ok I'm not the only one then...That's exactly what I was trying to say!

    I'm an asexual, so sex isn't what I'm worried about nor is it an issue, but the dinner thing is interesting...
     
  13. bicomplicated

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2014
    Messages:
    624
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    KY
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Oh yes, sorry, I should have noticed you have down that you are asexual. But yes, there are a lot of things you can do other than sex. Like go out to dinner or movies with women... it's totally up to you and your bf what you decide is right for you guys. Good luck! :slight_smile:
     
    #13 bicomplicated, Mar 2, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2015
  14. Jax12

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2014
    Messages:
    1,875
    Likes Received:
    71
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I find that my sexuality is very fluid as well. It keeps changing like mood swings. It's got its highs and lows and it pretty much never stays the same.

    Would fluidity be more common in bisexuals?
     
  15. bicomplicated

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2014
    Messages:
    624
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    KY
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people