Hello, I was raised in a highly religious Christian home and taught that anything but one man and one woman was wrong. So as a young girl I grew up depressed and thinking I was evil because I was attracted to both male and females and I would also some days wake up and just want to be a boy and would dress very masculine (my parents just said I was a tom boy) and then some days I wanted to be very feminine. Once I turned 18 I moved out and I had a lot of sexual relationships with men hoping it would change and I could cover it up. When i was 19 i moved out of the state my parent's were in they had "disowned" me cause i wasn't living "christian" and while i was away i wound up getting into a great group of friends one of the girls was Bi-sexual and it didn't phase me at all she had a long term BF and a child with him but they would take breaks sometimes and she would be with a woman, well one time someone dared her to kiss me and she did it was a funny thing everyone started calling me Bi as a joke and while i didn't say anything to anyone i didn't feel weird about it, it felt normal. Anyway, i returned back to my home state when i was 20 because of hard times so i wound up moving in with my parent's for a couple weeks but they were unbearable so i started the process of joining the army to get away for good but i wound up meeting this guy who is now my husband of 5 years and not going into the army and now i have 2 kids with him. I sort of put me on the back burner for awhile and still hadn't talked or even let myself think about who i am. In the last few months I have finally admitted to myself that I am different and I am now on a journey to figure out exactly who I am. I am 25 and I love my husband but there is still something missing and I'm not sure what it is. So I am on a search to figure things out I guess. Still very confused. I guess i am looking for some advice on how to figure out who i am and what gender i am. Oh and my parent's have shunned my family and i started January 2014 so been over a year sine i have seen or spoken to my parent's or siblings, the reason for this was not cause of my sexuality (i haven't talked to anyone but my husband about this) but it was because i "came out" about being a pagan instead of a christian and they said they could no longer associate with us. But it has brought a lot of peace that i don't have to pretend to be someone im not around them anymore. Now if i can just figure this out i may achieve total peace of who i am haha any help/advice is appreciated Jesse/Jenn
Your gender and your sexual orientation are two different things. Here are a few thoughts of others that might help you : http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/164514-i-dont-know-anymore.html#2 Just take the time you need... this is a process, and it might take some time. You could think about counseling with a gender therapist or someone from an lgbt center... they might help you get a better picture. (*hug*) I like both your names
Oh, it is complicated... The very point of accepting and discovering who you are shouldn't be fear of something. What does that mean? Well first of all, sexuality (whatever it is) comes from our bodies. Therefore you shouldn't be afraid of yourself. You shouldn't fear the thought that are coming to your mind. You should explore them. The only way to get rid of a desire is to yield to it! Nothing will disturb the cosmic balance of the universe, only the balance in your mind if you let it happen.
