I'm pre-op, pre-T FTM. I assumed my identity as soon as I saw what a transgender person was. That was about 10 years ago. My sexuality however, I'd never doubted before, I've always been attracted to women. I've had a couple successful relationships, and I've never been interested in men before, but lately I've noticed I look at men more than women. I work in a retail store and I interact with tons of people every day, even though I'm not on HRT, I pass well enough to the point that not even my coworkers know I'm not a cis-male. Women have always approached me and flirted, which is always a nice compliment with someone with GD, but recently I've started not even paying attention to things like that and actually looking at men in ways I'd look at women (sexually). There's even frequent clients that are openly gay that I think have always acted flirty towards me and I'm just recently realizing this and not minding it. I'm very settled with my gender identity, I rarely have days where I'm feeling bad, sad, depressed, or uncomfortable with myself anymore. I'm actually quite confident. I'm not out to anyone but my close family, mostly because I pass so well I haven't had the need to explain my situation to anyone. I'm not ashamed though, if I had to do it I would. But I think that as time as passed and I've become more confident and comfortable with myself I've stopped feeling the need to prove myself by being "overly manly" or whatever and I've let my mind wander more and that's lead to looking at men and feeling some sort of attraction... Has anyone else ever gone through someone like this? I know absolutely no one in the LGBT community in real life or online so I'd appreciate any advice or opinion.
Yes, I can relate to what you've described. I have had girlfriends, but if you do the math, they were the exceptions to the norm. Now, for some reason, I'm more into girls. I can try to look for an explanation, but that search is not going to change the fact that I like them and I feel attracted to them. Your sexual orientation doesn't need to be a fixed thing, it can change... And then go back and change again... I just don't care about the reasons, I take it as it comes and enjoy the ride, 'cause (in my experience) it's just not worth it to ask why, unless you feel uncomfortable with it. That whole thinking and questioning your sexual preferences (a.k.a. orientation) might be even preventing you from having good experiences, or try something new you might like. I admit that I'm feeling at ease 'cause I've been there before. If this is the first time you are having such thoughts, it can confuse you quite a bit, but I don't think there is nothing to be afraid of, not really... And there is lots of gay ftm out there, so you are not on your own. Welcome to EC by the way.
Same here. In terms of dating and whatnot, I feel that it's only possible with females not because of societal norms (that's a different story), but because guys are the ones I can talk to about girls. I've been doing checks to see if I'm attracted to this guy or that guy. As soon as I recognize their attractiveness, my anxiety starts and doesn't go away until I masturbate or completely distract myself. It's interesting that you continue to look for explanation, as I have, but you point out something that is completely true; it won't make my attractions go away.
